birth control... read my situation... plz help?

Question

when i was 14 i was kind of forced into sex but i kind of wanted to do it but i was scared so the guy kind of forced me... anywayz he told my mom cuz she had suspisions, well i turned 16 in april and i havent done it since but ive kind of been wanting to experience the pleasure from it cuz all i got to experience was the pain... well i think i want to do it again with the right guy of course someone who cares for me and i can trust him... but im scared to ask my mom if i can get on birth control cuz personally i dont really trust condoms... but im gonna use one anyway even if i do get on the pill cuz i know about all those diseases floating around out there so i really wanna be safe... does anyone have any ideas about how to ask my mom? oh and plz dont answer if ur just gonna tell me im too young to be having s-e-x at this age because guess wat? its the 21st century and people r gonna do it out of wedlock anywayz. all i need is advice, not a lecture. thanks!

Answer 1

go to a family planning clinic then u dont have to tell your mom u sound like a smart young lady with a good head on your shoulders. just be caerful and enjoy!

Answer 2

Sorry hon, you are getting a "lecture" from me -- If you are not mature enough to talk with your mom about sex, then you are not mentally mature enough to have it in the first place.

Married or single, it's a big responsibility, and if you can't manage a simple conversation about going on the pill (not that it's that great or anything - lots of complications can arise - trust me!)

I think you need to seek some counseling... the events when you were 14 don't sound very positive, and you need to move along past that or else it could leave some lasting issues that you'll never get over.

The pleasure you seek will come with someone you really care about, and who returns your feelings.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Lets start with the first incident. There is no such thing as kind of forced. You were raped. Does your mother know that part? If she doesn't, there will always be a wall between the two of you when it comes to this subject.

It takes a lot of time to overcome the feelings associated with rape. I believe that you are having trouble dealing with this incident, since you say he sort of forced you and can't say the word, rape.

If you would talk to a counselor, friend or your mother about this and face the truth (that it is not your fault you were taken advantage of at 14), it would be easier for you to move on with your life. (S-e-x and all.)

While there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience the pleasure, maybe you are looking for a new experience to offest the old. (More power to you if this works.)

You didn't mention that you have a special someone at this time. Do you? If not, there is no reason to worry about talking to someone about birth control until you meet that person you want to be with. If you have already met him and talked about this, then try to talk to your mother and be honest with her about the first incident.

If you are still worried abotu talking to her Planed Parenthood is a good place to visit. They won't contact your parents. They also have councelors to help you get over the hurt, which seems to be the main ussue here. Please talk to someone about it. It is the best gift you can give yourself. Too often women take the blame for these things while the men go on ignorant of the effects of what they've done--unaware of the depth of their impact.

Good luck to you--take care of yourself above all. It sounds like you have a good mind and are very mature, but even adults have a great deal of trouble coping with being taken advantage of.

Answer 4

Find the serious boyfriend first, then talk to your mom about birth control. Being on birth control can mentally allow you to have sex whenever you want with whoever because you know there is little chance of pregnancy and you will be using a condom.
You may not want to here the lecture, but you need to! YOu are too young to be having sex. Being on birth contol is not so that women can have sex whenever with whoever?!?! Its when you are in a serious relationship with someone you love and are not ready to have a baby yet. I think you need to think twice about the whole situation and atleast wait to find someone who cares for you before taking birth control. You are only 16, I doubt you can even drive yet!

Answer 5

You sound like you have the facts. And that you want your mom to be involved in your life. So sit down, and have that "adult" conversation. I'm sure it may be a bit embarassing, however if you say "Mom, at some point i will be getting sexually active and i want to be prepared and take the necessary precautions. I understand that condoms are not always 100% effective, even when used correctly and i want a back up method. I am not ready to have a child and therefor want to doubly ensure that i will not get pregnant until i am grown up enough and ready."

Someone suggested a clinic, however you seem to really want your mom involved in your decision and i think thats the best, most mature route. Good luck!

Answer 6

Tell her the truth, your reasons, and your concerns (make sure to note you will be using a condom as well).

Be certain you want to go on the pill. It has some side effects on long term health risks.

You can combine a condom with spermicide and correct timing in your cycle. Condoms are very reliable (I do not know for certain, but I always suspected a lot of failures were due to incorrect use, incorrect sizing, failure to pull out or even continuing to pump after ejaculation, or a failure to admit no control was used). Offer to put it on so you can ensure he is using the correct size condom and puttin it on correctly and fully. There are directions in the boxes. Combining the other 2 birth control forms add to the reliability and your ease of mind.

Answer 7

You can make an appointment with a doctor yourself and get the birth control (as long as you can afford it). It is illegal (in my state anyway), for the doctor to even tell your mother you were there.
It would, however, be nicer if you could talk to your mom. Tell her that you learned a lot from your previous experience, and that if you do have sex again (when you find the right person), you want to be prepared.
I got on birth control before I was planning on having sex because emotions don't run on high quite as much when she doesn't know exactly who you want to have sex with and when. Explain to her that you want to be safe and you want to include her (but you could get it yourself).

Answer 8

You sound like a very intelligent young lady, and yes it is smart to use a condom every time. I had this same delima at your age. I was 17 and had my first serious boyfriend...my first love. I was scared to ask my mom, just b/c it was embarrassing. But I just sat her down one day and said, "You know. Moma, *blank* and I are getting serious and I think sex might be soon. I need to get on the pill." She wasnt upset at all..just very proud that I took responsibility to ask for them. Of course, my mom and I have always had a very open relationship.

Just be honest with her, and she will respect you for that.

Answer 9

A condom is not going to protect you from all those diseases floating around out there. Are you ready to take that kind of risk? I wouldn't trust condoms at all. The best thing is to wait to get married, unless you want some kind of uncurable disease.

Answer 10

Look you have diced to make love,you are very certain ,so best is find some how will love you,may be latter you can make love,if you tell them before,then there are Enif hungry devils for only sex.