when is the best time 2 tell your daughter her father died b-4 she was 1yrs?& thedaddy she calls is not father

Question

my princess is a tender but gifted 7 yr old...could she already know? I'm her only family....that she doesn't know about. but kids r so smart today. what is the best thing to do? when the daddy she thinks is her fahter but is only the father of her younger sister. he is the only father she knows.. she calls for him ...even when her&I argue.. the reason why i think i should reval this 2 her is because I believe a nasty divorce is coming between my husband(her stepfather who i thought would be a good daddy for my first daughter who never knew her real father) believeing he was a noble man I gave my daughter a sister from this man.what do i do?

Answer 1

All 4 of you need to have a talk as soon as possible. She needs to know not just for personal reasons, but for future medical reasons. She's young enough now to understand and deal with it. Once she gets older it will devestate her even more.

Answer 2

If your husband's being discriminatory in treating the children it's best that she know's that he's not the real thing before it gets too rooted in her mind. However, I think that it's best that the kid gets told when she's 8 or 9 rather than 7 since these are the ages psychologists say the child is mature enough to understand deeper concepts. But don't quote me on this. It's better if you could ask a professional about this matter since it would affect the rest of your child's life.

Answer 3

Now is the best time to inform your daughter about this. Imagine what frustations the divorce will bring and then on top of this someone tells her deliberately that the man she calls daddy is not her father.

My newphew is 4 and he calls the grandmother mommy and my dad grandfather. He has being made that despite calling my mom, mommy, she is the grandmother and my dad is not his daddy. He knows deep down that we all love him and am sure in future he will understand the reason he got told the truth early enough. Beside he is already comfortable with the decision.

Answer 4

I guess she should know now. I was told at 9 that my dad wasn't my dad and it hurt why did they lie to me hopefully she will be more resilient. Just sit and tell her that her real Daddy went with the angels and her new Daddy picked her cuz he loved her soooo much he wanted her for his own. That's the way I would've liked to be told. You will have to elaborate more but you know what I mean. Is he a good father to your kids? If so even if the divorce gets nasty the kids have a right to their father. If not keep them away from him. The oldest you should have no trouble with unless he adopted her but the younger one he can fight for document everything he is doing wrong now, if he is, with dates and explanations. It will help in the custody if he isn't a good father.

Answer 5

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the waiter brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84 percent more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed. The waiter served our main course and I continued to look around.

I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom." "How so?" "See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you know what . . ., we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the > hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"Okay, that makes sense, but...if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?" "Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

Answer 6

for me the best thing to tell her when you think she's smart and old enough to understand that her stepfather is not her true father,and that even her stepfather would love her as much as a true father would.and because of the nasty divorce you are talking about,the best thing to do is reason with the person you are fighting with to live a happier,more peaceful life

Answer 7

Do it while she is young, dont leave it for the more confusing teen years... I once had a friend in nz who found out when she was 19 or 20 and she completely flipped her lid for awhile. She'd always been his favourite and he spoiled her rotten... the two younger girls which WERE his were also loved, but it was obvious her his special little girl was.

When she found out I think she felt betrayed. They worked it out in the end but it took a long time. I think its best to tell her now, but she's your daughter and its your choice. Why not get a councelor involved?

Answer 8

wow thats alot to put on a 7 year old if your planing on breaking up with this guy also .i think she does have a right to know but it might be to much to tell her that and then him move out of the house it might really get her head all mixed up .if you 2 split is he still plaining on being in your older daughters life?i think this is something you and him should talk about .back to your question go head sit with her ,her sister ,and the father and you guys have a family disscussion about it
good luck

Answer 9

BE HONEST!!!! She is old enough to begin to understand what this information means, if it is worded correctly. You do not want to lie to her, especially if you think perhaps she knows something. She will resent you in the end for lying, especially if things get bitter between you and your husband. Just tell her...she is old enuff to kind of understand, but not old enuff to be crushed by this knowledge.

Answer 10

Sounds like you're in a bad bind to me. I would speak with your attorney, I'm sure they would have experience on dealing with divorce and children, or your family pediatrician for advice.