Help! Does anyone with money know who I could work with to help manage finances (maybe an accountant?)?

Question

This probably sounds weird but I cannot seem to say no to my husband and he spends everything he has and comes back for more and more money. Neither of us has to work any more but the majority of our money comes in spurts from real estate investments. As everyone knows, the market is pretty soft this year and we need to be much more careful. We can spend about 30K a month but, he always outspends it. Trying to get him to budget is useless. I am afraid I can't keep up with it and I finally realize that I can't say no to him no matter how hard I try. It is gong to ruin us. So I want to take the responsibility out of my hands and I just wish that I could. I know it sounds immature. I just need to protect myself from my own self and my lovable but overindulged husband. I am sure there are people who would gladly steal our money, I just need some good advise on whether there are options? Do accountants do this kind of thing?

Answer 1

He can't keep to $30K a *month*? Holy cow, how did you guys manage to pay for all those real estate investments if he spends like that? My guess is that he didn't always spend that way. You simply can't go around buying investment properties if you're already in a negative cash flow position. Okay, that's going to be key to your solution.

Forget about an accountant or financial manager for now. Your husband is just going to blow past any plan an advisor is going to put together anyway. If he doesn't listen when you say no to him, he's probably not going to listen to an outsider that you're paying.

I'll assume that he's a reasonably intelligent man with at least some measure of self-discipline. Show him the books. Show him the income you're getting and the outflow of money due to his profligate spending. Forecast the date when you'll go broke and start having to mortgage properties to pay for his bills. And tell him that if he doesn't shape up, he's going to wind up working again, and into his 70s and 80s. Track every damned penny and show him that he's buying stuff that just doesn't matter. He's basically throwing away the money that you two have worked so hard to acquire. I can't tell you exactly will happen because I don't know your exact circumstances, but I do know that a negative cash flow situation cannot exist indefinitely.

You might also consider taking some of that income and investing it in other assets, but I doubt that this is a viable course of action. You can't invest without money, and your current problem is that his spending the money faster than it's coming in.

You *have* to take responsibility, no matter how unpleasant the task may be. The money he is not just his future, but yours as well. If you don't do something now while you still can, there will be bitterness and resentment later on. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm not wise enough to know the answer to that question, but I do have a serious suggestion for you.

While you are in the process of sorting that out, you should REALLY take this precaution, if you haven't already. You should open a private savings account. A Money Manger or whatever is fine. Something you can get money out of without too much trouble. You should open it in your name only. (Don't worry, if you die, he will get it even if his name isn't on it). Into this account, you should put a sum of money every month. I wouldn't even talk to him about it, just have it there for your own protection. Because money can run out and it can be used up. It is almost impossible to get another person to stop bleeding the checkbook dry. So separating at least some of it, is the best protection for you without making a big fight.

I'm not suggesting at all that this will happen, but sadly, people often--very often--get divorced over the spending of money. If you put a bit away every month, you will either be taking steps to protect the both of you if you should need it later, or you will protect yourself should--God forbid--you ever need it. I'm sure you have savings, but your own nest egg will not hurt, and might help.

And hey, if you never use it, leave it to some good person who's had some bad fortune. : )

Answer 3

Well, we don't make nearly that much, but our solution was to put my husband on an allowance. He gets $X every paycheck and I don't ask him what he spent it on UNLESS he asks for more.

You might try the envelope system - put cash into envelopes for things like clothing, entertainment, eating out and when the cash is gone, no more clothes, eating out, whatever until the next payday.

Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace course has a great video on the differences between men and women and how they relate to money (usually, a spender marries a saver and the more the spender spends, the more the saver wants to save). Women generally find financial security from having money in savings, while men find financial security in stuff (showing off to their friends - it's a scorecard). Check out his book, "Financial Peace", chapter 15.