how does a controling person get over their controling ways?

Question

i have control issues with relationships in my life.... sometimes i can recognize them, but idk what to do from there..... because, if i dont try and be controling, i end up hurting my own feelings and such.... it drives me crazy, cause when i realize what ive done and the outcome, i dont like it, but if i let it go, i go insane.... idk what to do. has anyone else had this problem before, or know what to do in this case???

Answer 1

Find a good counselor that can help you uncover and deal with the issues that have brought you to this point.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I have found that many times exerting control is done because we feel so out of control over the things in our lives. I am a surviving ACoA, and have had many control issues. I sometimes recogized them and sometimes didn't. I have been in ACoA and now am in alanon. I am learning alot about what I can control and what I can't, and how to deal with what I can't. There is a prayer, called the Serinity Prayer that helps alot when I am faced with a problem. It goes...

God
Grant me the serinity
to accept the things I cannot change
to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I say it like this...

God, (my higher power as I understand him/her/it)
grant me the serenity (so I don't go insane)
to accept the things I cannot change (usually someone else)
to change the things I can (usually me, my reactions and emotions)
and the wisdom to know the difference (please give me wisdom!)

This helps to sort out the real source of my issues. Which is usually that I am not keeping up with my spirituality and become too involved with making others happy so they will love me. I am finding that when I love and accept myself, what others do may hurt, but it doesn't have to make me feel out of control.

I also use another tool, called a gratitude list. I start with A and go thru Z and list the things in my life that I am grateful for. Alot of times I find that even the people I think need to be controlled are on my list as blessings for the things they bring to my life.

There are alot of good books you can get at the library about this sort of stuff. 'Co-dependant No More" is a real good book on this subject.

lifting you on eagle's wings,
lily

Answer 3

I have this problem big time. You should examine your life and try to figure out what is cuasing this. For me, it was my boyfriend, who was doing cocaine for the past three years. I have codependency issues, and I think the book Codependency No More may help you, it helped me a lot. Read it with an open mind. My boyfriend is a month and a half clean and I am still controlling, it doesn't just go away with the problem. It is a hard thing to do but I think I may be improving. It is good you recognize this, good luck. E-mail me if you wanna talk more, Sassy 8722 @ yahoo . com without the spaces (trying to avoid spammers). :)

Answer 4

First, discover out why this woman believes that she has the authority. changed into she employed by using the Church? 2d, if she changed into employed by using the Church to do the adolescents ministry, then she does have the authority. If not, save going. 0.33 - Why have not you talked on your pastor about this? He may have a special attitude/the flexibility to call this woman off. He also ought to have heard lawsuits from others to boot about what this woman and her husband are doing. Fourth - upward thrust up for your self - yet do it in this variety of way it quite is neither demeaning to others or your self - continually proceed to be respectful of others no count number number how a lot you're aggravated (which, really a lot feels like what you're doing anyhow - yet do not ever enable your self get walked throughout). Did this woman get in contact by using merely barging in, or changed into she invited to assist out and in the top took over without asking if it changed into ok?

Answer 5

Get involved in a Bible teaching church and a personal relationship with Jesus is the only way to get help with anything in your life. Make sure that the church you select teaches the truth about true salvation which is being saved by faith in Jesus through grace. Read Romans. True happiness and help will only come from Him. Others try to help, but listen to the only One Who has the real answers. I am a new Christian and am leaaning day by day to overcome a lot of habits and it is a proven fact it takes 21 days to overcome any habit..that is 21 straight days, and there is only one Man that can make that happen and true happiness is found in Him

Answer 6

Controlling is one thing, but compulsions are another. You have to distinguish one from the other.
What I do is agree with myself to only control anything that is all about me and will have no effect on anyone else. It's a compromise, but by the time I assess a situation, I lose the compulsion to react.
Not much help, I know, but it's a detailed subject.

Answer 7

After you loose everything you cherish, everything you loved--everything, everyone. You’d be surprised how much of a character change that is. Now, I’m such a nice person. It’s too late, I mean I lost everything and everyone I ever needed.

Answer 8

Ask God to take them bad things from you!
I am proud of you that you can see what you are doing wrong..that's a start.
Get some help with it, talk to other people about it. Think about what you are going to do before you do it or this thing you are going to do.
That's hard, I went through a relationship like that and he never changed....BUT that don't mean you cant!!!!
YOU NEED TO TRY....if you notice it now then you can fix it now.
PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!....God will help you with this.
God bless & good luck!

Answer 9

My sister is a bit controlling, but she does not realize it.

It is a good start that you know that you are controlling.

I am not sure if there is anything to do about.

The only thing I suggest is to date someone who likes to be controlled.

Answer 10

well your at a crossroads, either you'll accept the way you are or you will change. it's up to you. you won't change unless you really want to. it doesn't matter what you say because your actions will speak louder than words.

forgive, and forget the past if you really want to give up control.