I have alot of anger inside of me, and dont' know why. What can I do?

Question

i find myself get more and more cynical the more i know people. i keep getting burned. now i dont trust anyone. what can i do to like people again and trust them? i think of everyone as liars now.

Answer 1

Psychiatrists. You can talk and talk and no matter what they will agree with you.

Answer 2

You've made a good start, just with identifying the situation like you have. Look further for the reasons and experiment with ways to explore and express your feelings. Try play-acting (alone or with a counselor) or journaling, but only if it helps you work through and understand things -- too much brooding or rehashing won't do anyone any good.

There's a form of meditation called metta, which means lovingkindness. It teaches that all people are just trying to be happy, even though a lot of us take rather circuitous paths towards that. Often people lie in an attempt to protect themselves -- can you work towards feeling sympathy or understanding for that rather than anger? It's a big step, but worth the effort.

(Which isn't to say that it's not their responsibility, but it's a way that you can take responsibility for your reactions and hopefully find things a bit easier to deal with.)

It's also important to look at yourself -- are you 'projecting' your expectations, fears or other feelings onto others? i.e. reading into people's words and actions.

Thirdly, what kind of people are you spending time with? Maybe you can find other groups. If you can control your anger well, try volunteering, perhaps with older folks or people with learning disabilities. My involvement with a LD community is my refuge from the rest of the world some days -- there it's all about being kind, caring about each other and accepting every single person as they are. It's really beautiful.

Answer 3

I understand how you are feeling. I myself am an angry person deep down inside because of what people do to me and how people treat me. I really don't trust people myself because I have been lied to a lot . Here are some things which YOU can control since you have no control about what others say or do to you:

1. Find something you are good at and excel in it. This allows you to vent your anger and be good at something because you are using all your angry energy to get good at something.

2. Realize that it is okay to become angry. Perhaps write in a journal, paint a picture, cut pictures out of a magazine and make a collage to vent out your frustration.

3. Understand that sometimes people can be cruel and hateful and that is THEIR problem, not yours, especially since you have done nothing to them. It's okay not to trust someone that you do not know.

Once you start doing things to get the anger out from within, you will feel better. But make sure you do things that are positive, you can even exercise your anger out.

Answer 4

One thing is for certain and that is that everyone lies about something. Don't let it get you down though as you too are part of the human race. People are sometimes dishonest with you simply because they are not honest with themselves and some are simply dishonest because they want to be. If anger is becoming a real problem I would suggest you do a few things to overcome it such as getting a whiffle ball bat, going out into the woods and bashing a tree. You can hit a pillow. Another thing is to examine your expectations of the world and people and ask youself if they are realistic. Take things as they come rather than expecting things to go your way. Sometimes your way will not be the best way anyway. Above all, if you hold honesty to be the finest virtue then strive to be honest with others and honest with yourself as long as you don't carry that to extremes as well. It can be easy to hurt others by being too brutally honest. Remember, you are not a doormat and you don't have to have anyone in your life who causes you undue suffering, and by the same token you are human as well. Good luck and take care.

Answer 5

Take it slower with trusting people but take the chance when it seems right; no matter how often you've been burned.
Also, get out to more places you don't normally go and see if you just need to be exposed to different kinds of people.
I know where your coming from and with good reason, but patience will yield a better quality of people.
Remember that alot of other people have been burned as well and therefore are afraid to be honest with others becuase of that fact.

Answer 6

Quite honestly, you are simply attaining wisdom. Everyone is a untrustworthy to some degree. You have to learn to accept this, and learn to identify those who are untrustworthy to an intolerable degree, so you can avoid them.

Everyone IS a liar - at times. You serve yourself best by not trusting people more than is required. You have to weigh the consequences of ethical vs. unethical behavior in others and act accordingly.

It's been my experience that people are usually honest when they expect some consequence for dishonesty. Make sure there is one!

Answer 7

I was the same way, and still am at times, I have alot of hurt, and frustration all bottled inside of me, and I become real bitter at everything. what really helped me was talking to someone really close, someone smart, and someone who can help me out, and help me analzye these feeling, and finding the root, not just picking off the flower head, you know? so.......... talk to someone, and if you can't buy a cheep note book, like those ones for school that are like 10 cents at wal-mart, and write everything down, whenever you feel like it, or when you just had an outbreak of anger, It helps you clear your mind, and helps you see whats going on. Don't jump into medicine yet, They put me on zoloft, and lithuim, I don't feel i really need it, it helped, but i think there was more it it. I still have my huge downfalls....
so write, talk, and find something to take all that extra anger, and energy out of. it could be anything, like sewing, swimming, writing, driving, cooking, running, singing to music you can relate to, more writing or just having a good cry.
I hope it gets better for you. Please take care of yourself, and I will pray for you.
cheer up sweets, Life is stressful, but remember you don't have to go through it alone. There are lots of people who would love to help you.
Peace- Emily

Answer 8

Sounds like you are trusting the wrong people. Also sounds like you might be expecting too much from others. You need to find someone to talk about this with and you also need to let go of your anger. Anger will only harm you. It dosn't do anything to those you are angry with.

Answer 9

I of course don't know your age, but sounds like you & I have lots in common. I'm a young 52 & a half. I too have much, much anger I carry around with & in me almost daily. Part of the old baggage & some new! Yes, people have certainly pissed me off, & more than I care to remember. They still do! Even so-called "friends"! It is "my thought(s)" about all incidents, & the choice(s) "I" make regarding, as to "how" I "react", or "respond" & "what" I'll carry away from what ever "it" is. I continue to try & give people the benefit of the doubt. However, people I don't trust I keep at arms length or just keep away. People I don't like, I simply try to just stay completely away from. We have to create boundaries which isn't always easy. That requires being "honest", with ourselves inasmuch as those we supposedly care much about & love. What is comfortable to "us" & what is uncomfortable? Watch Starting Over on the tele or go to www.startingovertv.com. I'm hooked on that show! And if I miss an episode I get pretty pissed off! But I say, "so what else is new?" Pretty silly I know. But I absolutely love that show! I watch 2 different episodes each weeknight (well one at 12:30 a.m. now & one at 2:00 a.m.), & then a repeat of one every weekday morning at 11:00, when tennis isn't on). When I miss the show, I really "miss" it! I have so much in common with "all" those gals on those shows! And I'm still trying to figure out where all of my anger(s) and etc. is coming from, ie., being possibly due to heredity/genetics. I know why, what & who I'm "angry" at/with; certain & particular people, places & things. I just don't know why I continuously get so enraged in that it affects my health. I've heard that it takes more energy to create negative energy than it does to create positive energy. Hmmm. I must say I believe that to be true. We can also say to ourselves about "those others", that we will forgive them as perhaps they know not what they do & let them go/let go of them. I have to keep reminding myself that I can only control "myself". Best of Luck to you. To Thine Own Self Be True-First. Feel free to email me at [e-mail]. Peace to you. If possible, find a good therapist or councelor if you think it might also help. Ciao'.

Answer 10

then you've created a self-fulfilling prophesy. First of all, forgive yourself. Ok, you got burned. You missed a couple of warning signs. stop trying to second guess (a) yourself and (b) others, and (c) maybe change your environment. (if you think everyone's a liar, why are you asking advice from strangers on the 'net?) hmmm?

Answer 11

there are approx as many liars as there are people, think about it...yes even you...sometimes u have to earn trust even if it never comes back to you, but u are the better person for it, think the best, expect the worst and use your anger constructively...u cant get better than that