What would you do if you had this struggle?

Question

I tried to come out of the closet when I was in high school, but I got a bad reaction so I told everyone I was bi, because, at least to my parents, that was more acceptable. Why, I don't know. But after 3-4 years of doing that, earlier this year, I lost all attraction to men period so I came out as a full lesbian. And I have been happy with myself, I have no regrets, no inner struggles-except one. I still sometimes find myself attracted to men. Not enough to want to have sex with a man ever again, but close enough to it, and it worries me. I never understood being bi. Not that anything's wrong with it, but I always thought one day I would be one or the other. I feel like if I like a guy, or have sex with a guy, am I betraying my lesbianism? Is it okay to just be bi? I'm struggling horribly with myself.I am looking for honest, mature answers only. All religious bigots will be reported, and their answers will remain unanswered and you will have wasted your time and finger strength.

Answer 1

Go where your sexuality takes you. If you prefer both men and women, then enjoy both. There is no creed that says you must be either homo or hetero. At the end of the day, you have to live in your own head and you have to do what you are comfortable with. If only relationships with women interest you, then go that way. If you feel attracted to both sexes, then go that way. There is no loyalty oath for either/or. You have to do what feels right for you. If you find a guy or gal that you're attracted to, then follow your heart into the relationship as far as you care to go. If you are lucky, you will find an understanding partner. But you have to first realize that in your present mindset, there does not have to be an either/ or choice of sexuality. The only caution I would offer in entering into any relationship is that you be up front with your preferences. If your 'date' is mature enough to deal with it, then you're cool. If not, they are probably narrow and small minded and not right for you anyway. Anyone that tells you you must be either one or the other, is narrow and non-understanding themselves. There are plenty of emotionally and sexually secure people in the world. You just have to find them. Despite all the religious twaddle about it, sex is one of the best entertainments we have for ourselves and we should be joyous for experiencing it, not guilty. Be yourself. If you door swings both ways, then let it and be comfortable in your own skin over who you are and what you prefer. Don't try and fit yourself into anyone else's mold as to what THEY think you should be. Be yourself, and be happy with who you are. You are entitled and deserving of as much happiness you can find in this life.

Answer 2

Well, I think being bi is fine. But that's because I am. I guess you have to ultimately decide what your orientation is. It's fine to be attracted to men and not be bi. A lot of straight women are attracted to women. I think it depends on the level of attraction. If you are occasionally attracted to male celebrities, then I wouldn't say you are bi. These men aren't really real anyway, they are the best looking of all men and totally glorified in our society. If you are attracted to men often and feel you are missing out by not having sex with them, then you are probably bi. And if that's what you discover, then that is fine. I don't think you are betraying your lesbianism or anything. Although you may catch some slack from other lesbians. Being bi isn't as accepted as you might think within the gay community. But if that's what you are, then that's what you are and denying who you are will only bring you pain in the end. Good luck!

Answer 3

There is no right or wrong answer here. Your are struggling to label yourself for no reason. Have you truly examined why you find men attractive at times? Is it the asthetic beauty? Is it because perhaps you just "click" as friends? Pure affection and not real attraction? You can find something interesting & beautiful and not be sexually attracted to it. Perhaps you are trying to justify your lesbian label. One last question...is it you questioning yourself or your lesbian friends/partner(s)? It's hard to say but your are walking a thin line when it comes to labels. Even in the GLBT community you may come across a few hardliners that label bi's as confused, one foot in the closet and one foot out, and fencesitters. Whatever you decide, is what is right for you and no one else, because it defines YOU. It is OK to be YOURSELF. Let me know if you want to talk, hon. I know how it can tear at you, night and day. I can't tell you what you don't already know, but maybe, ask some questions you haven't considered yet. Incidently, if you do decide fencesittin' is your scene... the view is fabulous up here!

Answer 4

1. You are not betraying your lesbianism.
2. It's perfectly OK to be Bi.

Who says you have to be one or the other. Hold up a ruler and say one end is gay and the other end is straight. We all fall somewhere inbetween. Where you fall only you can say. At different points in your life you will not allways be at the same place on the ruler. Personally I identify as gay even though I have met several transgendered women who I've fallen heavy for but would never have gone to bed with them. Does this mean that I'm Bi? I don't think so. Seperate love from sex and you may fall in different places on that ruler.

Answer 5

I came out as bi when I was 16, then soon thought, oh hey, lesbian. About 2 years ago I was able to admit to myself I am bi. I felt much like it sounds you do. As I'm sure you know, we might have been in the same boat, that doesn't mean you're bi, or you aren't bi. I found for myself that if I could admit I like other women, why lie to myself I like men as well. My dad was raised Southern Baptist and my mom was baptized Catholic (insert your laugh +/or gasp here) and when I told them I realized I am bi, my mom was so mad she couldn't understand why was I doing this?! I find biphobia is just as bad as homophobia, but many more homosexuals suffer from biphobia than straights. My only suggestion to you is not to be in a hurry to find an answer of divine truth. Some people have told me bisexuals are the most healthy mentally as they don't care about their partner's plumbing, I always thought though, gay men are boy crazy, lesbians are girl crazy, and I as a bisexual am just plain crazy.

Answer 6

Who needs a God That the Human ideas Can seize? which could Make Us more beneficial than the God We Worship. scuffling with the aspects of Our faith Highlights Our lack of ability to Exhaust The Greatness of Our God. We believe What God Has revealed about God because God Is honest and ought to Neither deceive Nor Be Deceived. even as there is an inner Coherence between the multiple aspects of the religion there is not any way That lets are conscious of all of it. the excellent Theologian Thomas Aquinas Who Wrote Masterfully on the religion in the 1200's in Volumes that are nevertheless Used As fundamentals in Catholic Theology reported His artwork changed into All Straw. He Had gained some variety of a magical journey. His Efforts were vast and effectual yet They were From His mind. What Saves human being is what's in the will. we opt for to develop into One With God And resign to God's Love. truth Abides in the mind yet Love Is in the will. And Paul Wrote that the most proper of Our presents is Love. We ought to not in any respect comprehend each and every thing there is to make certain about Our spouse in Love yet We bypass on Loving although. How Else ought to We frame of mind God.?

Answer 7

i was intrigued by your statement.."am i betraying my lesbianism".. you make it sound like a club or something...ppl are ppl and all of us have some very basic needs... to be accepted, to be loved,etc and then we have our own individual needs...you also contradict yourself by saying i have lost all attraction to men..and a few sentences later i still find myself attracted to men-- which is it?? personally i am straight.. but in my culture..(mixed white and native american) ..we dont usually stereotype.. what i mean is its ok for you to be with men or women in our culture without being labeled..but once you marry( if you do) then you are to be monogomous.. i think your hardcore lesbianism is in your head, because you obviously still do have some attraction for men and at times maybe miss a mans touch-- nothing wrong with that-- look at yourself.. and be whatever you are-- if your bi you're bi.. its ok-- if your a lesbian thats ok...just be yourself ans quit worrying about the label thing

Answer 8

D.K. there is no such thing as betraying your lesbianism, you are who you are, we all are. You can not pretend to be something or someone that you're not. If you're having those types of fantasies, and you're single, I say that you maybe date a few guys and see if the attraction's still exist, if so and you deem the guy attractive, respectful, etc. I say go for it. As long as you're not hurting any one in the process, IT'S YOUR THING GIRL do what you want to do:) You're just a bisexual little hottie! :) good luck.

Answer 9

Bi is the hardest to be, as even gsys gan give you trouble. But its a legitimate, very real form or sexuality. Read up on the Kinsey scale.

It doesn't have to become your identity. You do what you do, you have a career, you have hobbies, desires, pets, favorite foods, interests, and you are intimate with people you want to be intimate with. Hey, if I were you, I'd be intimate with whomever I wanted to be intimate with, and enjoy life to the fullest. Unabashedly fun-loving, and maybe a little hedonistic -using protection every time, of course.
'Bisexual' is not a religion or a lifestyle, it is merely a statement of who you are sexually attracted to.

Answer 10

Did you know that even heterosexual guys, like myself, have looked at other guys thinking something, but then it passes. I'm sure it happens to heterosexual women too. I think the curiousity of it is more appealing than the actual act of going through with it. You may very well be full fledged gay. Attraction is to me is more physical, maybe it was something about that man that made you physically attracted. Emotionaly you may not feel anything. stay strong your just in transition.