Please correct the grammar? if it is wrong, please Clarify?

Question

" When our representative visited your factory for the inspection of material on 29 June 2006, your people told that you cannot done the marking at that time and so, he checked the quantity of supplied material only."
(sentence from a official letter to subcontractor)

Can I use the words "told" and "cannot done" in a single sentence?

Answer 1

" When our representative visited your factory for the inspection of material on 29 June 2006, your people told that you cannot done the marking at that time and so, he checked the quantity of supplied material only."
(sentence from a official letter to subcontractor)

My recommendation:
--> When our representative arrived to inspect the materials from your factory on June 29, 2006, your employees stated that you had not marked them yet. Having been told this, he only checked the quantity of the supplied material.

No offense, but honestly, I'm not even sure if my recommendation is right as I'm not certain of the context or quite what you're trying to say. And no, if you used "told" you need someone for the people to tell to (i.e. "your people told him") and cannot done is just plain not correct grammer.

Mind you, this is American English grammar I'm speaking of - I know British English has different rules sometimes.

Answer 2

Umm... I don't know if you write business letters often, but you have a run-on sentence from Hell and your grammar is absolutely horrible, especially if this is a business communication. If English is not your native language, I offer my apologies because I know how complicated all the rules of the language can be. And NO, you cannot use "told" and "cannot done" in the same sentence--I would not use "cannot done" EVER. EVER!! It's "could not do".
There's not enough information in your communication to go on, either, For instance, what are the materials your representative inspected? Are these materials being marketed, or is it an end-product made with said materials? Who from the factory told your representative they could not do the marketing at this time? Who checked the quantity of supplied material only? (I know you meant your rep, but the way you have it worded makes it very unclear who you're talking about.)
Do yourself a favor and find a website where you can see what a real business letter looks like. You really ought to also consider taking an English class that concentrates on business communications if you have to write business letters and memos on a regular basis. The image of your business depends on how professional your communications are just as much as it depends on the quality of your product(s).

Answer 3

It should read as follows: "When our representative visited your factory for the inspection of material on the 29th of June 2006, your people said that the marking could not be done at that time, so our representative checked off the quantity of supplied material only."
(At least I think that is what you are trying to say as what you've written is hard to understand but I am usually pretty good at interpreting what people mean.)

Answer 4

revised~
" When our representative visited your factory for the inspection of material on the 29th of June 2006, your people said that they could not do the marking at that time and thus they checked the quantities of supplied materials only."

i think this is right, im not sure

Answer 5

Yes but its still wrong grammatically. Should read "...your people told him that you can not do the marking at that time and so, he checked only the quantity of supplied material."