My ex bf spent the night on the couch because it was late after the holiday. I have two previous kids ages 9 an 12 and then his child who is 3. They were all in bed. I awoke about an hour later to find him standing in my older daughters room. I feared for everything that moment. I asked what he was doing and he told me he thought he heard his daughter whimpering so he got up to find her.He said he didnt know if she was or if it was the storm. He knew where I was headed with the questions and he knows my childhood w/molesters and that wasn't what was going on. I also told him that his daughter was sleeping with me prior to bedtime. We lived with him for several years and have known him for four years. Nothing like this has happend before. We're great friends and I really don't know what to do. I spoke with my kids and the say noone has touched them. I wasn't specific about who. I don't want this to tear apart our relationship apart if nothing happend. What should I do? It was creepy!
2006-07-05 17:09:40 · 18 answers · asked by worriedmama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are doing the right thing... keep asking your children and let them know that its a very bad thing and if anyone says they will hurt anyone if you tell reassure them that it's a lie...
9-12 they seem old enough to know better but maybe embarrassed...
Maybe he really was just looking for his Daughter, just talk with your children.
I hope it's just a misunderstanding!!
2006-07-05 17:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by brenda4ever 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he have a history of touching young girls in a sexual way? Is that the only time he spent the night there? Does he show any type of interest in your girls? More than what a man should. They do not go to his house to babysit his daughter do they? They should never be alone with him at anytime. But if you went threw that hell when you were young then you know about how molester are. It is great that you have comunication with your daughters and is vey important that they know that they can come to you if any man touches them in the wrong places. There are some molesters that will use the scare tatics on their victims, like they may say that they will kill their mother or family if they ever say anything. Somehow it is good to let the daughters know that no matter what any man saids that they can come to you and nothing will happen to their family if they tell someone. Sounds like you really care for this man and do not want to cause any drama. you might can make something up like it would be best if you did not come around anymore cause my/your daughter is scared of him and you have to look out for your daughters security of being safe and happy. He may ask why, just say you do not know but you will find out sometime when it's right. If he has custody of his daughter, more than likely he has no record of child molestation. If he was drinking that night, he might of been still buzzin and half asleep and wondered to the wrong room.
2006-07-06 00:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i think when a person goes through any form of sexual molestation it's easy to think everyone is this way.I also think it's important to keep your eyes open ,as you are.It would seem odd to me that he is in your daughters room when you told him his daughter was sleeping with you.It could be that he is telling you the truth,however if your gut feeling is telling you different you need to keep a close eye on the situation.Unfortunately kids are sometimes afraid to tell on the perpetrater.Kids feel many times its there fault or they dont want anyone to get in trouble,so to speak.Many times we think we know someone and we dont,as you said nothing like this has ever happened.You didnt see him doing anything wrong ,so thats a good thing,but if you have doubts dont allow him to stay the night making it easier target for your kids.Keep your kids safe ,and it's great that you are a concerned mom.
2006-07-06 00:28:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like you said, you/we lived with him for several years and have known him for four years? You say he knows your childhood with molesters.
Maybe you are a little to paranoid? Maybe he was really looking for what he thought was his daughter, or maybe it was the storm? Now, before you really start installing camera's to spy, be sure that your a convinced in some degree that he may be up to something. You will ruin everything what could be a good relationship. To assure yourself, talk to your daughter and express how important it is to you that you know for sure no one has touched her and assure her that if anyone has threatened her if she told....nothing will happen!
Also this is another idea.....do a background check on him. See if there is any criminal records prior to you knowing him. You have to remember something...with your past, no matter who you date, you will always have some suspicion. It's very hard to overcome, I can truly understand....maybe counseling should be sought out.
Take Care, and I hope if Yahoo Answers is still around, I would still like to know if everything is okay.
2006-07-06 00:46:32 · answer #4 · answered by sharebear1967 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought he was ur ex boyfriend...why is he staying there? r u trying to reconcile? why did u break up? i'm sure there was a reason. just trying to understand more... several things come to mind here...one is when in doubt, don't....if u even have an inkling of an idea that something could be up, then don't subject ur children. ur kids r 9 and 12....that's prime rib for a pediophile. so don't let him stay over anymore. i'm kinda wondering too, why he just happened to be in the wrong bedroom. what woke you up? did you hear something? didn't he say he thought he heard someone crying? maybe he thought you heard something and was covering his butt. i dunno. sounds fishy. if he's a friend he'll understand if you don't allow him to stay over anymore. if he doesn't understand, well, apparently, he wasn't much of a friend anyway. i just wouldn't take the chance. i'm sorry. i know good friends are hard to come by but something just doesn't feel right about this and there's too much at stake. trust your first instinct when it comes to your children. they are your first responsibility. if you fail them, you'll regret it the rest of your life. if you lose a friend, well, you'll meet other friends. these guys are very cunning. they have to be to get past the mama bear. they're in our churches our cub scouts, our schools. they don't always look like hoodlums....they look like really nice guys they can be deacons, priests, upstanding community members. that's how they get away with it as long as they do. u are ur chldren's protection. don't be afraid to growl and, if necessary, bite occasionally.
been there, chick
2006-07-06 00:41:45 · answer #5 · answered by wakeupcall 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i doubt he touched your children and he was seriously trying to make sure everything was ok. you should still follow your instincts and keep a closer eye on him. don't do anything drastic that will let him know you don't have any trust in him after all it isn't like he had his pants down in front of him. don't let him stay over again until he has regained your full and utter trust back. you have known him for a while so their is no real reason to distrust him. i advise that you don't let your past ruin your future with people. he wasn't the one that molested you and your kids say he hasn't touch them so you should just leave the matter alone. i hope you are able to release your past and i'm sorry something like that happend to you.
2006-07-06 00:26:23 · answer #6 · answered by A-Town Soulja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see how something in your past would make you think these things. But if you think there is any chance at all that this would happen, don't wait until it dose to leave. Do you think your daughter would lie for him. If you are really unsure, set up a hidden camera in her room and don't tell either of them. Cameras are very small these days and can fit anywhere. If nothing happens then you can live with ease. If something happens are looks wrong, get rid of him quick.
2006-07-06 00:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by laurelbush28762 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know your kids well enough to see it in their eyes that they're telling the truth and aren't fearful of it. I think if you feel like, they feel they're in trouble then you should do something about it. IT'S YOUR KIDS! But on the other hand if you feel your kids safety is not at jeopardy then you should not open a can of worms. For all you know this could just be something your fearful of, not your kids.
2006-07-06 00:22:20 · answer #8 · answered by helana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you ignore your instincts? It's better to be wrong and safe then to be safe and sorry. I wouldn't put myself or my children in this situation again. Woman have a bad habit of ignoring their little voices inside with fear of offending someone. But most of the time, our voices are correct. You were creeped out, and it was for a reason. I don't care what anyone says.
2006-07-06 00:14:14 · answer #9 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fix web cams in the room so that only you know where they are if you can not work a web cam they have wire less cameras that can recod when programmed and have the recording devive in the basement or in the garage you can burn it to a disk or have the video in you pc and also have it live so you can see it at work. talak to you daughter and kids too
2006-07-06 00:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by Walther L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋