Serious Question - How can you tell if someone is a stalker?

Question

I mean, what's the difference between a guy that likes you a lot, and a stalker? What should I be looking for?

Ok...so this guy applied to the same college I did..and got in. (How, I have no idea), he'd sneak down to the gym and watch my cheering practices...I caught him walking back once. He calls my friend Jen all the time and asks about me. After he flunked out of college, he thought going in the army would make me proud of him (and it didn't... he hates it, and plans on being discharged due to psychiatric issues)
He's offerd to take me shopping and buy me whatever I want...on him, and he's got a car payement, college loans, credit card debt, etc.
Any of this classify?

Answer 1

a person who likes you a lot would try to find out more about you by approaching you or asking your friends for your infos... a stalker is someone who will surprise you with details of your life which you don't even remember or knows more about you than your friends.....he/she will be a a certain place which you will only arrive a few minutes later.... he/she knows when you eat, sleep, watch tv or even when you take your bath.... he/she might even goes through your garbage can....

Answer 2

He obviously likes you a lot and it can be very difficult to distinguish the difference between an immature guy trying to get to know you and a stalker. Is he sort of shy, or is he pretty aggressive? He doesn't appear to be trying to hide his identity, talking to your girlfriend about you and offering to take you shopping. Those are positive signs. If he had evil intentions, I wouldn't think he'd want everyone to know.

Have you told him you're not interested and to stay away from you? Or, have you given him some subtle or not so subtle signs that you might be OK with him being around? I hope not because flirting with a guy and then labelling him a pervert just because he shows interest is about the lowest thing a woman can do. It is just as bad as the guy who won't take no for an answer. I think that is very important. Not saying you intentionally did that but - hey I don't know you and we are only hearing your side.

What did you say when he offered to take you shopping? Were you were a bit too nice and left him room to think maybe? I think that is a part of the definition of "stalking". I mean, isn't it normal for a guy who likes a girl to try to be around her as much as he can?

From a young guys point of view, some are afraid to "come on" to a gal and risk being rejected. End of game unless your a real egotist or out of control. Another tactic is to be around you and hope that you see something in us that makes you start to like us. That is why this law, while necessary in some cases, has the potential to be very arbitrary and unfair. So many people are ready to cry witch at the drop of a hat.

I think before any gal labels a guy a stalker, she should find a safe way to do it, with friends, and tell him firmly, with no room for doubt, to stay away from her. Then, if he doesn't, OK, you tried to do it the nice way, now your conscience is clear to get help from the authorities.

Answer 3

Ok obviously he is making you uncomfortable so you need to do something...but you need to do it in as nice a way as possible...if you just stop talking to him he might get mad. Tell him you need some space. Then start cutting all ties with him. The next time you catch him being creepy give him 1 warning that if he does anything like that again you will go to the police (but tell him this where you feel safe i.e. in public, with a friend, or over the phone). If he does it again go to the police.
Start documenting everything he does...dates and time etc. so you can show the police.
Stop accepting any favors from him...you are encouraging him when you do that.
You said he is being discharged for mental illness...that means he must have some sort of issue that needs to be addressed.
I would say you need the help of a professional on this.
Don't mess around with this type of thing...you could get hurt and if he needs help he should get it.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

1. Surprise HIM when you catch him in the act of stalking.
2. Document his every appearance. You will need this later.
3. I agree with the poster above: don't cut off all ties with him. If you do, you will make the situation worse.
4. Keep in mind that he is in the Army. What's so special about that? Lots. Not trying to creep you out more, but he is technically a trained killer. Refer to #3 above.
5. Have someone else call the cops. You can use plausible deniability is he makes it an issue.
6. Remember that his actions will escalate as he realizes that he cannot have you. As you keep rejecting him, all you are doing is pissing him off. Refer to #4 above.
7. Buy/steal/make some sort of weapon. (check your local laws first; you do NOT want to be caught with a gun in CA)
8. Get a restraining order against him. But keep in mind that most of these are often violated.
9. If you are going to confront him, DO NOT use someone else to. If you do, you'll just create another victim. But make sure you refer to #8.
10. Bring backup, but don't involve them directly.

Sorry this happened to you, and I wish you all the luck in your outcome.

Answer 5

I would say if a guy likes you he is straight up with you about it but does not come around unless he is invited to come over. A stalker probably has a strange disposition or acts as if you are his property. A stalker is probably someone that acts jealous of your friends or goes to places you go because he knows you are there. A stalker kind of lurks behind the scenes in a strange manner. Someone that just likes you probably isn't going to be acting strange and making you feel uneasy. Trust your intuition on this one is the best advice I can give.

Answer 6

Beats me. If I tell some woman I like part of her anatomy, even if it is her eyes, or nose, or hair, I can be accused of sexual harassment, if she doesn't like it. If she likes it, then it is an innocent flirt or appropriate observation.

If you happen to be traveling in the same circles, he happens to be in the same places you happen to be in, that may be convenient coincidence, but if he is always making approaches, then that is more than just another face in the crowd. Still, as the woman, you have the perrogative to isolate him as a physical or psychological threat to you, do you have reason to fear him? Talk to a lawyer, talk to a cop, listen to them carefully. Your hysterias may have basis, or maybe not. But take care to label someone a stalker when you have no basis to. You need someone outside the situation to look to see that you haven't exaggerated, because he can have his day in court too and you could lose.

Answer 7

he is becoming a stalker from what you say, and for sure is obsessive about you, so you should do something about it now before it gets out of hand. A restraining order helps sometimes.
You are already looking for the right things if you are seeing what you describe, look for more of the same...
seriosly.. get it in control now rather than later for you own safety, and others around you as well.

Answer 8

At this point, it seems to be more of "Obsessed with the Girl Of His Dreams, Bordering on Becoming Stalker-esque Tendencies." If he goes any farther, like following you to your dorm/house and hanging around at the end of the hall/street, at all hours of the night and day, being 'coincidentally' in the same places you are, like the mall, the dean's office, the supermarket, or calling you, not your friend, at odd hours of the night and day and simply breathing into the phone, or saying things like "I really think we should be together", or "It's destiny, you're the only girl for me" over and over and over again, like he believes it, then you might want to start looking into a minor restraining order. If he goes any farther than that, like breaking into your house/dorm, stealing photos/underwear/clothes, taking your towel after gym class, and hovering around you, constantly touching and trying to get you on your own, or, Whoever forbid, trying to Rape you, report him -- To the Police, campus security, the neighbours, everybody who might see him.

Answer 9

A GUY THAT LIKES U ALOT- will take u out 2 movies, hangout & do different things & make u happy.
A STALKER- will keep calling u, have other people watching u, follow u where ever u go, etc.

That is the difference between a stalker & a guy that likes u.

Answer 10

So far it looks like an infatuation. He becomes a stalker when you become his #1 obsession to the point of wanting to hurt you if he can't have you.