I'm running out of options...?

Question

Me and my husband aren't getting along. Its been going on for 3 months. We have 0 communication. I hate to be around him at times. we have 2 children and I know that we can probably fix it but it'll be a long time before things get better... Should I go forward with a divorce?? I'm confused.

Answer 1

Talk to a trusted friend or go to counseling. Don't give up if you're only in a rut. Write him a letter if you're not talking. It might start the communication again.

Answer 2

Have you two tried talking about it? Have you tried counseling? Do you think you two have weighed out all the possible options? if so i think the only thing let to do is file for divorce. If it's not working and one isnt willing to try then no matter what you do it wont work. You can't hold on to a relationship if the other person is letting go. It will be hard for the children but an unhappy home will lead to unhappy and sometimes unstable children in the long run. I think you need to take a step back make sure you've left no option overlooked and if you are sure you have done all you can do. then go ahead and proceed with the divorce. There is nothing like ending something and then later on thinking "oh if i would have done this or that." when you've weighed out all your options. You'll usually leave knowing you've done the right thing.

Answer 3

If you haven't then try counseling. They are the professionals. You wouldn't drive a car for years then when it starts acting up just get rid of it. You would take it to a auto shop and see what's wrong first then see how bad the damage is. Divorce is a big step and both of you need to be informed. Does he know how you feel (and I don't mean you think he should know have you told him?) Sometimes things get bad b/c the communication has just lagged or broken down over time. Men and women speak and think differently he may not think to much is wrong b/c you 2 haven't talked about what is going on (and not just the one thing you argued about.) Talking is the biggest thing in a relationship and very few are auto equipped to do it. You may have gotten by in the past but it's time to lift the hood and let a professional take a look. Remember to approach it as no one is at fault you just agree to work at it. Don't want either of you to feel as if you have to admit wrong or point blame. I hope this helps you make a better decision. My first marriage ended for just that reason and after the fact it was clear where the problem was but we spent so many years pointing blame b/c of bad communication that we couldn't salvage it. It seems early so give it a try....couldn't hurt only help. God bless you.

Answer 4

Divorce is so very hard on your kids. Much harder than two parents who are fighting. All your kids know is you are mom and dad is dad. They don't really get that there is a relationship between mom and dad. You will wound your children deeply if it ends in divorce. My marriage ended in divorce and my oldest is now able to articulate for me how sad that whole thing was for her.

On the other hand, your kids will learn from your example more than anything. If you and your husband have issues and don't work them out, your kids will have a difficult time learning how to work through issues with their lovers. The best thing you can do is model good behavior for them. If your husband is willing to work with you to find a new way to love each other and maintain the marriage, your kids will learn from that more than you know. If you hit the big D button and jump off the train before reconciliation, they will learn that divorce is an easier option than whatever it is that is keeping mom and dad apart emotionally. Plus, whatever personal issues the two of you have that is in the way of intimacy will still be there. If you jump out now, you will take those issues to the next relationship. If you work hard to save your marriage, the very least you will do is learn what it is that you bring to the table that is good and that is not so good. Hopefully, you will also learn that you are the only person who has a chance to make you happy. Your true love can't do it. The perfect man can't do it. Only the woman in the mirror.

Best to you and your family.

Answer 5

You haven't given me much to work with here but I will give you what I can. Divorces are a pain and the children are always affected by them. The grass always appears greener on the other side of the fence but is not in reality. Zero communication???!!!! Since when have men and women ever really communicated? I have been married for 36 (in one month 37) years and my wife and I still don't communicate according to her. We have raised 6 daughters and I am as confused as ever. Life and marriage has its "ups and downs". Why did you get married in the first place? What attracted you to each other? You are maturing and reality sucks; get used to it. Schedule a day off for the both of you to go out to dinner and just set and talk to each other without distractions. Vent your feelings and clear the air. Remember that men are simple creatures and don't use big words or complex thoughts. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. My best wishes.

Answer 6

If you think you can probably fix it then you definitely should. Don't even think divorce until you've done everything you can. My mother-in-law is a marriage and family therapist and she says if ppl are thinking divorce that's where they're going. If you're considering it then working on things is much harder. With kids involved you would be selfish not to do everything to save your marriage. I'm not trying to sound harsh but its not about you. You have two young lives in your hands. Also if you are able to work things out you and your husband will be just that much closer to each other.

Answer 7

Since there are children involved, you should see a marriage counselor and try to work out the problems.

Here's the thing. Marriage isn't only about romantic love. Sometimes it means getting through the rough times when you look at your spouse and wonder "what was I thinking". Usually those phases pass and you come back to a romantic feeling again. The different phases of marriage come and go. See a counselor to discuss the communication problems.

Answer 8

Well let's see....you will estrange your children from their Father, both of you will be in financial ruin (especially Dad) and becasue of the financial drain to both of your budgets their will not be any money for college.

Your children will not have a clue to a normal family relationship, you will eventually marry and they will be forced to get alopng with your new partner and his children, you will have to endure his children, different parenting styles and of course his ex-wife that may or may not be crazy.

On the upside you can be a little girl again...dating getting excited over a boy ...but remember..you also get the downside to dating as well...getting used and abused...sexually transmitted diseases and of course another divorce (second marriage divorces are about 66%)

Check out the following website. It can answer many of your questions better than I can. It wil also give you a bird's eye view of a guy's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Don't get divorced...you owe it to your children. Once they're grown then you can find your own way. Set them up for sucess!

Good luck

Answer 9

Ask for seperation if you dont want a big 'D' add to your profile!
Maybe you guys needs some time out. Discuss with your husband nicely and take it from there.
I am sure your children wont like the idea but whats the point of staying in marriage like that. Get a professional help if you helplessly looking for solution while together.

Answer 10

Has he said the word divorce? Because if he hasn't then there is still hope. You said you can probably fix it with time...so I say give it the time it needs and a good counselor.
If a year from now things have not gotten any better get your divorce.
Good Luck!

Answer 11

I suggest you try getting into counseling first...there you will learn how to communicate. One of the basics of any relationship is communication. Before you go forward with divorce you need to be able to communicate...