Teenage pregnancy?

Question

My sister is 4 weeks pregnant, and only 18. She does not want to tell my parents , and is adament that she does not want the GP to know. She has absolutely agonised over this, but has finally decided to have a termination, as she is not in a financial or emotional posistion to raise a baby. She is off to uni in october, has no money, (parents are strict catholics, and therefore she would be condemmed and kicked out of the family home), the boyfriend has done a runner and she is not emotionally mature enough to raise a baby. She has her whole life in front of her and will have plenty of times for babies later on. I wondered if anybody out that had gone through a similar thing or is about to go through it. We have decided to get her a private hospital as for some reason she is adament that her GP must not know. Does anybody know anything about this. PS No answers from pro life. She is just a baby and has gone through an agonising trauma to come to the decision that she has

Answer 1

I have a friend who is in uni right now who got pregnant (She was on birth control for a year prior to this!). She was in her sophomore year when it happened and was going to school full-time and working as well as a participant in the student government association of our uni. When she found out she was pregnant, she called me crying and asking me what I would do if I were her. I told her that I couldn't tell her because it was her body and her choice. Only she could make a decision like that. Not only was she not mature enough, but had she decided to keep the baby, she would have had to drop out of school to take care of it. She did not want to put her baby up for adoption because the adoption system in America is complete crap and children are often abused and traumatized. After a month passed, she made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. She says that she sometimes regrets it, but that she is glad that she went on with it because it gave her a chance to live her life as she wanted it. Your sister will think back to that baby from time to time, but in the end, her life will be better without it. She is far too young and there are many many children that are already in need of homes. 18 is not an age to become a mother. It makes me angry that a girl is always looked down upon when she becomes pregnant and yet the boy is completely let off the hook. I commend your sister on her decision as I am sure it is not an easy decision for any woman to make, no matter how old she is. I hope all goes well for her.

Answer 2

Having a sister who also went through a similar situation I ask that you take her to get some counseling first. The pain and emotional problems can be bigger after the termination. Then when the truth does come out, which it always does at some point, it can bring on more family problems than if other avenues had been taken. All though many girls say no that they couldn't go through the pregnancy and then the emotional parting but the other side of the story is the healing that comes afterward that often does not come with abortion. Years later and my sister is still dealing with this. She has emotional issues and physical ones. She now wants to have a baby with her husband but is having a hard time making it through the first trimester with out miscarrying. You can not even imagine the guilt and pain that comes with this. On the other side of the coin I have a friend that adopted a baby from a young girl as an open adoption. The girl was going to have an abortion but a close aunt changed her mind. My friend hears from her less often now but although it was hard at first she has emotionally healed knowing that the baby is in a good home and is now able to go on with her own life. Please just take a second look. Don't rush into what looks deceivingly like the only way out.

Answer 3

I LOVE it when guys answer these questions with things like "she's a whore" etc... when you can squeeze a baby out your tiny little pen*s then you can have an opinion on something like this, until then CRAM it, I don't tell you what to do about erectile dysfunction.

Anyways...
This is a life changing decision for her and for everyone involved, and I have been there - in a similar situation @ the age of 18 as well. I don't know if I made the right decision perhaps I won't know til I am gone, I will never tell you that abortion is right nor will I say it is wrong, this is your sisters decision all the way, but she needs to be aware of the consequences, she may become extremely depressed, she may regret it, or she may be ok with her decision.. Make sure she has considered all her options, there are alot of people out there desperate for babies. We all think our parents can't handle the truth especially when we are teen's, she might just be surprised @ the support she would receive if she told your parents, I don't know your family but is there an Aunt or Uncle or someone that is close to your parents that has a little less conservative view than them that could help her communicate this to them?

Answer 4

What PICKLE (2nd answer) said is exactly true.

Any GP (General Practitioner (like a doctor)) is BOUND by the law to not reveal anything about a patient even to the patients parents.

A private hospital will almost certainly charge money for the termination so I don't see how you can do this if you "have no money".

Try looking for a local health clinic who'll normally do it for free and you can be 'anonymous' too.

Also, try submitting this problem at http://www.q2a.co.uk who'll be able to help further and maybe even be able to find your local clinic.

Find out why she doesn't want her GP to know since if it's because her parents are good friend with the GP then he still cannot disclose patients information by law. There is another thing she can do which would be to still go to the GP, tell him that he is NOT to tell anyone (as it's illegal for him to anyway) and if he does he'll have to pay your sister compensation which would allow her to either afford a private hospital or even raise the baby.

I cannot stress enough that it's ILLEGAL for a GP to disclose patients information (including recent medical history or any details about a termination) so she shouldn't really have anything to worry about. If a GP reveals this information then she could earn massive compensation from him and he could even been forced by the GMC (General Medical Council) to stop being a GP.

Also, at the age of 18 she is an adult in the eyes of the law.

Finally, feel free to contact me about this and I can help further.

Good luck :-)

Answer 5

Name callers - back off! No need for name calling. How do you know she wasn't in a relationship that seemed solid, had an accident, and the guy freaked? Guys do that quite often and women are stuck with the tough choices!

She is NOT a baby. She made an adult choice and had to make an adult decision. Time will run out quickly if she wants to terminate the pregnancy. Be sure to go someplace reliable or she could get messed up and not be able to have any more babies - ever. Also advise her to get involved in some kind of support group. I hate to say it, but the pain has just begun! If she terminates this baby, she will have a lot of guilt and what if's to deal with. It won't be over when the baby is gone because she will spend the rest of her life wondering what he/she would have looked like and what kind of person he/she would have been.

Be there for her and support her all you can. In the case of an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy, termination and adoption will both tear your heart out. Respect her privacy and let her make the decision of what to tell and when.

Answer 6

Here's a thought you should ask you sister: Which is worse, being condemmed by the family for becoming pregnant, or being condemmed by many other's for aborting a baby. It shouldn't matter what her parents, or anyone else thinks. All that matters is that she has created a life, by the choice of her own actions. So what if her parents condem her; they will be the ones that will pay for it because then they will be loosing their daughter and future grandchild. I'm not saying this to be rude or lecture, but to open up an idea for you sister on other possibilties.

18 is a young age. I got married when i was 17, and we had our first son when i was 18. It was hard, but it was worth it. My family too was mad about the pregnancy at such a young age, but now they are proud.

Your sister can get on state insurance, that will cover %100 of any medical bills she has while she is pregnant. So, money isnt a big deal when it comes to medical bills. Also, after the baby is born, they will provide her with free WIC, which is where they give her, and the baby, free food. They also provide free pregnancy and parenting classes.

Has she thought about the idea of adoption? There are many family's out there trying to become pregnant and can't. Think of the joy she could bring a family for generations to come. I think adoption is a very un-selfish act, because its a self-sacrife to give joy to another family. I was adopted when i was 6 years old, and i thank GOD everyday for the second chance i got.

Answer 7

She is of age meaning she could have a baby if she wanted to. Dosen't matter what her parents say ... it's the law. And it's legal for her to have sex aswell. Dosen't matter if shes been 18 for 1 month or 12 months. 18 is when a teenager becomes an independant adult and are responsbile for there own decisions.

Also since she is 18 she can go to an abortion clinic and her parents don't need to know about it because she is of age. I also don't understand why you are calling your sister a "baby"? Shes not daddies litte girl anymore. As I said before ... she is 18 years old hunny, she's an adult. Also Telling your family doctor also wouldn't matter since by law anything told to a doctor is confidential (unless the person is under age, then the parents would have to know). If your parents are really pally pally with your family doctor then I would agree with going private.

Also if your going to a private hospital, where is your sister getting the money from to pay for it? Im pressuming yourself if your older than her.

This website has alot of good information on abortion laws in each state. I would suggest you and your sister take a look at it and find your state in the list:
http://www.coolnurse.com/abortion_laws.htm

Anyways, it all has to do with her age. Because she is 18 your parents never have to know. Hope this helps :-)

Answer 8

these things happen and your sister is doing what she thinks is best for her, which is all she can do because in the end, she is the one who will live with the consequences, good or bad. I found myself in a similar situation during my 19th year. I was two years into college and found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend didn't want it and looking back, I'm glad I did not keep it because I would be forever tied to him and what turned out to be a bad relationship. Tell your sister it will be alright. It is quick and surprisingly painless, just some emotional hurt that will take time to heal. They took my blood, gave me anesthesia, and I felt no pain. I did feel an emotional sting for awhile because it is a hard decision to make, and one that lasts a lifetime. All you can do for that is talk about it and come to terms with your decision on your own. I feel that it was my decision and if I am to be judged in the end, then let it be so, for my life without the child will bear more fruit and be more successful than any life I could have had with the child. I would probably have not finished school, or maybe I would have, but it would have been twice as hard and college all by itself is no picnic. I hope this helps. take care and good luck, your secret is safe with me.

Answer 9

She's not a whore (for the moron making judgements) neither is she a baby. She is old enough to make decisions on her own but my heart grieves for the one she came too.

Yes, I am pro life and yes I'm going to answer.

Your sister does have time for more babies, more parties, more sex, more of everything. Yes, she has gotten herself into a terrible spot and can only see in black and white. At four weeks I dont know that she's really thought it out and can make a rational decision but that is just my opinion.

I have never tread lightly where abortion comes into play but I don't think you need to hear the horror stories on it. You probably know them better than me.

There is welfare and they would help with the costs while she is pregnant and even for two months after the baby was born. She would be able to give a precious and wonderful gift to a couple who cry themselves to sleep at night with this child if she were kind enough to do so.

I feel for all three of you trapped in this, but selfishness is not the only answer. So much good could come from this if you would just sit back and take a breath first before comdeming that child to death.

If she chooses abortion anyway, make sure she has the counselling she will need to deal with its aftermath.

I'm so sorry for all of you.

Answer 10

I haven't been to an abortion clinic, and I am pro-life when abortion is used as a contraceptive. However, having a baby now will ruin your sister's life, unless she has the support of your family. I can understand your desperation, and hers. It is a pity that you cannot give your parents the opportunity to support and help you. However, your parents might not support you. You've made your decision and all I can say is that I hope for your sakes that you never go through this again. I don't think abortion is the easy option, depending on your character. Some people sail through it, but many women are traumatised by abortions.
As a Catholic, you will yourselves be overcome by guilt.
My opinion - there are worse things than never being born. Can your sister live with herself? You need to check her state of mind.
Look after yourselves.