SHOULD i listen to my wife when she says that she does not want me to be a police officer without discussion?

Answer 1

it depends on how important it is to you. this is your life. you should not let someone control you, whether you're married to her or not. maybe if you tried a couple of counselling sessions you would be able to discuss your points of view and perhaps come to a mutual understanding.
if my husband told me I couldn't do something, end of discussion, there wouldn't be a discussion, but I sure as heck would do what I want.

Answer 2

I was a police officer and my career ended after ten years due to heart problems I incurred due to stress. Two of my friends were killed in the line of duty, several quit because they couldn't handle the stress, four other people whom I worked with, but I was not friends with died in the line of duty, I was in two severe police car accidents, many more officers I worked with were pensioned off due to severe injuries, a couple were fired due to malfeasance, and yes, I know one person who commited suicide.
There were a lot of ugly and depressing things I saw when I was a cop that follow me to this day. Much of it has to do with horrible things that happened to children. I am a father and it is especially disturbing to me that things awful things happen to young kids. You don't need to lug that kind of baggage for the rest of your life. If somone dies or is murdered, it is the police who have to search the body, mainly to conduct a preliminary investigation, but also to remove the victim's personal effects to be vouchered. That's definitely not fun; especially if it is a body that's been rotting for a couple of days in the warm weather and the maggots are having a field day. You must wash your uniforms separately and scrub your hands for a real long time before you even think of eating again.
When I left "the job", I had no training or experience and I was prepared to spend my life working as a either a security guard, or in another branch of law enforcement. My wife told me that if I went back into law enforcement, she would do everything in her power to prevent me from doing so. I'm glad she did. I went back to school and now I work in the Information Technology field. The stress of this job is no match for the ugliness I experienced as a police officer. But, I like what I do, and no one is trying to kill me.
If you love your wife, consider her feelings. She certainly is considering your safety. The job is not glamorous, "brotherhood" among officers is a myth, alcoholism is an epedemic amongst cops. Also, so is depression, suicide, and divorce. It took me years to develop a positive attitude again and quit being a horrible cynic. The pay can really suck depending where you work, you run the risk of getting civilian complaints for doing nothing wrong, or worse, being sued personally when you arrest somebody and have to use force. Everything you do will be scrutinized, and not in a good way.
Bullet proof vests do not stop fists, knives (personal experience), kicks to the groin, bottles and other objects thrown from rooftops (my first partner was killed when someone threw a bucket of joint compound of the roof of a construction site) or speeding vehicles. My friend, I can write a book on why you shouldn't be a cop. Most of all, you shouldn't be a cop because you need to be there for your wife. Have a great life and good luck.

Answer 3

i think you should and i will tell you why since i did something simular to my husband. my husband wanted to go into the military and be out there with those other guys. now we jjust got married not that long ago, and for me i am like no way your not going. i spent half of my life looking for the right guy and for him to leave and possible never come back and leave me all alone again, i dont think i would ever get over loosing him like that. so i can see where you wife is comming from, i mean it is dangerouse being a cop out there, she probably feels the same way i do, she dont want to answer the door one day to some one telling her that you are dead, and then she is without you for the rest of her life, would you respect the way she feels if she tells you this? do this take her aside and say honey is the reason why you dont want me to be a cop because your are afraid one day someone will come on our door step and tell you i died and then you would be all alone again? i bet you anything that will be a YES she will tell you, and then at that point if you realy love her you will asure her that you will honor her wish. you can find something else out there to do, or at least take a desk job only in that police field. good luck.

Answer 4

First, do this: tell her "I want to discuss this, but not to convince you that you should let me do it. I just want to understand how you feel, and what your reasons are. I'm willing to give up my dream if it's for the right reasons, and if they're your reasons, I'm sure they're very good ones -- but I deserve to know what they are before I make this decision for myself."

This does a few things.

First, it establishes that you're inclined to give it up.

Second, it establishes that you care about how she feels, that her feelings and opinions are important to you even if the event itself is a foregone conclusion.

Third, it establishes that you're taking ownership of the ultimate decision, but doing so after careful consideration of her feelings and opinions, which is what partners are supposed to do.

I'll be surprised if she continues to stonewall, but if she does, consider the possibilities:

#1: She loves you and doesn't want to see you killed. Can't blame her for that.

#2: She doesn't respect police officers for some reasons. More common than you might think; suggest becoming a member of the Fire Department instead. If she goes for it, it's the lack of respect for police officers -- if she doesn't go for it, it's fear for your life.

Remember: ultimately the decision is up to you, but unless this is a childhood dream or somesuch (and if so, why didn't you mention it before you got married?) your job is less important than your marriage. There are other ways to serve a noble purpose; how about becoming an EMT, where you save lives but don't act as an authority figure and don't put your life at risk?

Answer 5

Lot's of wives don't want their husband to be cops. They risk their lives everyday, and I've heard that cops are notorious for cheating on their wives. As a new hire, you'll probably also have to work the crappy shift, too. That could be a factor. I'm sure you don't live in Mayberry. Being a cop is very dangerous and you could get killed, hurt, or disabled.

I would find a way to get her to discuss it with you. To just say she doesn't want you to be a cop isn't enough. There has to be another reason or reasons.

I would still go through the application & testing process in the meantime. But it's not fair for her not to talk to you about it or tell you why she doesn't want you to pursue it.

Answer 6

did she know you wanted to be a police officer before the marriage??? if so then you should be able to explain it to her like that..... if you have children then you really should concede to your wife becuase somtimes to be a man means putting our wants and needs or the back burner for the betterment of the family is a must and i personally think this is an occastion. any how with out children revert to the other question did she know you wanted to be before??? if so then i would persue it i hope for the best... look up vital statistics and show her that policemen are not in the top ten fatailty list of jobs you have a better chance of an accident being i think last i look16 other jobs have a higher mortality rate.... come from a man that was in the no.7 job and then moved recently to the no.5 job truckdriver to power line man ...... osha vital statistics .

Answer 7

You should definately talk to her about it, it does affect her life as well as yours.. she is probably just scared of the possible danger u could get yourself into.. its because she loves you and doesnt want anything bad to happen to u, which isnt a bad thing, wouldnt u rather have a wife that cared about you then one that didnt.. heck most wives would be saying GO FOR IT ..and sneak off and get a high dollar life insurance policy on you lol.. Talk to her..explain why u feel the need to do it.. u need to reassure her, but do listen to her, its only out of love and being scared for you and your family that she's putting up a fuss.. and remember your married and she should have just as much say in your lives together as you do..

Good luck and be safe..

Answer 8

You wife is afraid something will happen to you in the line of duty. As crazy and pyscho as people are these days and the way they commit crimes in broad daylight, she has good reason to be afraid of losing you. Wearing a bullet proof vest does not protect all of your body and who knows this more than an armed criminal? There are other fields of criminology that you might want to think about entering.

Answer 9

Your wife has fear. As her husband, you should respect her, however, she should be open to listening to to your side. As a wife, she should want to help you fulfill your dreams.
Maybe some marriage counseling will help her communicate her fears and you communicate your dreams.
Both of you should be motivated by what is best for BOTH of you. Now is the time for each of you to enter this decision making process WITHOUT selfishness! COMMUNICATE!!!

Answer 10

she has good reason for not accepting your career choice. In today's society, police officers are hated and not well respected in most communities. It's very dangerous and I can totally relate to her concerns. This is something you should talk to her about and try to understand from her perspective. good luck