My parents are getting a divorce and I'm going to have to testify for both. Any suggestions?

Question

I hate my father, but we used to be the best of friends because he adopted me when I was 14, but when my parents seperated he said he was tricked into adopting me by me and my mother. this makes me sick.. so of course I am totally on my moms side because on top of everything else he committed adultry. How do I get on the stand for his defense without cussing him out when I have chance.. oh and did I mention.. he's trying to get custody of me!!! we haven't talked since my mom filed for divorce, he was supposedly tricked into adopting me, but he wants custody? whatever.. and plus I'm frickin 18.. 19 in Aug.. so how do I handle this?

I had NOOOOO intent ever to lie because I don't need too. the truth is enough to make him look bad. but am I supposed to be ok with the fact that the only reason he's trying to get custody of me is to hurt my mother? I mean I know theres no way he could, and he IS just doing it to hurt US, but am I supposed to act like thats ok?

They BOTH filed for a divorce SEPERATELY, and are both asking for things such as division of assets and such. I AM going to have to get on the stand for both because they both cite hibitual cruelty and abandonment.. I'm more or less a character witness and will be used to show how each treated the other wrong..

Answer 1

First: you're 18, you're an adult. If you don't want to be involved, you don't have to be involved.

Second: how can someone get custody of an adult? He can't get custody of you, because you're no longer a child. You can live wherever and with whomever you want.

So, here's what you do.

#1: Contact your state and verify that, as 18, there's no such thing as "custody" in your case. Make sure that you understand how to communicate the relevant law(s) or statute(s) if someone asks (don't memorize it; just be able to say "According to statute blah of the blah blah blah, I'm legally an adult -- neither of you gets custody of me, because there's no custody to be gotten.")

#2: You're correct that testifying for both parties is impossible -- unless you simply answer each question truthfully when asked. Don't volunteer information about how angry you are, or how unfair it is, or anything like that; stick to yes and no answers, and when asked to elaborate, use as few words as possible and state only facts.

For instance, to the question "To your knowledge, did he ever commit adultery?" -- assuming that, oh, say he admitted it to you:

Good: "Yes."
Better: "Yes, because he told me so."
Terrible: "He cheated, and I hate him for it. He was always screwing around on my mom."

Here's another: the question is "do you feel your mother was neglecting him", and you do not believe so:

Good: "No."
Better: "In my opinion, no."
Terrible: "He treated her like crap, and says he only adopted me because he tricked her, so he can't say she neglected him, he neglected us!"

You get the idea.

#3: If you can't stick with what I describe in #2, bow out of the whole affair; refuse to testify for both. Either testify for one or for neither, and show up in court only as necessary to ensure that your involvement is not being misrepresented (ie if one claims you knew or did something, but the claim is not factual, you can notify the opposing lawyer so that they'll call you to the stand.)

You're an adult; this may be a significant affair for you emotionally, but legally it doesn't really involve you.

Answer 2

do nothing but tell the truth, it will be the only right thing to do. in your case as far as him trying to get custady of you, he cant if you are 18, your an adult and you can decide without the court where you want to live and no one can do anything about it. but still make sure you tell the court how wierd it is that he feels you and your mother tricked him into adopting you and all this sudden he wants to take custody of you. even if you were not an adult at age 16 you are alowed to decide wich parent it is that you want to be with n e ways so either way he looses!

Answer 3

Ok for starters simmer down. I don't think there is a custody issue here because of your age.

Think about this...yes you lived with your parents but you didn't live their lives. There's always 3 sides to every story...his side, her side and the what really happened.

It says alot about them for dragging you into the divorce. They shouldn't. Not for any reason under the sun. Also...if one party asks the court for a divorce...whether the other party likes it or not, it will be granted...without anybody ever having to testify. It can be granted on the grounds of incompatibility alone...nobody needs to prove adultery or any other thing. These two are at each other's throats making all kinds of threats and accusations I'm sure. You need to tell each of them that this was their marriage and it is their divorce...not yours. They need to leave you out of it...and you need to stay out of it. I would tell each of them to quit threatening you with having to testify and if you really are called to testify that you simply won't recall enough to be helpful to either one of them. They need to grow up and show a better example of adulthood for you.

Hang in there and don't get involved.

Answer 4

First of all, why would you have to testify for both?? That makes no sense. And, at 18 you are an adult! In other words, no one would need custody of you. At 18 you can leave home and no one can stop you.

I'm sorry but I do not think you are telling the truth. But, if you are...good luck. If you are not...good luck finding honesty inside of you.

Answer 5

the best way to support your mom's plight is to be as civil and professional about this as possible. try not to let your anger cloud your thoughts while standing trial. the judge will be much more likely to side with your mother if both you and she have your wits about you. if you go in cursing and screaming, causing a scene, it's going to look bad for you (immaturity) and you might get a charge and fine for contempt of court. just know in your mind the whole time that this is for a greater good and you want the verdict to side with your mom. to make that happen you must present yourself in a pleasing manner. sounds difficult - and it is - but it's the final result you want... and you can do it. mindpower.

Answer 6

The good news is you are 18 and no one can exercise legal custody over you. When you take the stand in your mother's behalf, tell the truth. You do not have to take the stand to testify in his behalf if you feel that you do not like him and that he is accusing you of wrongdoing. If that is the case, you should not testify in his behalf at all. Use to be friends is in the past.

Answer 7

Girl i know just how you feel i was adopted too and i go through stuff like that and your dad may say things that might hurt you very very very bad and i hurted my mom too and she hurted me too but deep down we both love each other and i think your dad might not think of you as his baby but if i were you i would stick wit your mom. Just for your safety and might talk to him just a tanch because you are now a grown women who can depend on no one but herself and do what you think is best not by me or anyother person on the web because this is just our opinions .,

Answer 8

I would be completely honest with the judge and explain the way you feel in a rational way.

The worst thing you can do is act out, scream, cuss or act inappropriately. If you feel your mom is right, it is really important for you act in a manner that will be helpful to her, not hurtful.

Good Luck, sounds like a hairy situation.

Answer 9

you are 18 and he is trying to get custody?

this sound nuts to begin with, don't worry about a thing, just go on the stand and tell the truth and also tell the judge that you don't want to live with your dad and you want to live with youre mom, you are 18 and your own person and the courts have to respect your wishes on that

Answer 10

In most states you are already emancipated and in some you have to be 21. If your state is 21 then, you can still be honest with the judge without being too personal. Let him or her know where and why you belong, at your age you really should be fine.