i cheated on my wife 4 years ago and now she still dosent trust me..and she says shes not in love with me..i thought i was doing everything i could but in her eyes i wasent..and now i hope it isent to late to change shes still here so i hope she wants it to
2006-07-05 12:30:09 · 8 answers · asked by Josh & Lisa B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's not an easy thing to live with, even years later. have u tried counseling together? that's the only way that i can think to truly mend what's going on! trust is not an easy thing to get back once taken like that, but u both have to be willing to work at it. u know, most of the time the saying is true...if u did it once, what will stop u from doing it again! she has to think of this, so like i said already, "try to get help"
i'm dealing with this issue right now, and we are going for help...it can't wait 4 years to me!
2006-07-05 12:40:19 · answer #1 · answered by thundakat312 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I hate to say it but probably not. My husband did the same thing about 10 years ago. He's done everything he can to prove he won't do it again and I must say has really made an effort. The problem is I still don't trust or love him, either. I understand your wife. I have stayed and tried my best to bring back the feelings but I just can't seem to do it. Last week I told him I'm leaving because of it. He doesn't believe that I would leave because of that since it was so long ago. But, guess what? I am and that is exactly why. There isn't another man, as he asked, or any other reason. I just can't pretend anymore. I know this isn't the answer you wanted but it's the truth as I see it. Good luck to you and your wife. Maybe she'll react different than me.
2006-07-05 13:07:32 · answer #2 · answered by josie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is "maybe". All you can do is keep deserving her trust; it's possible that someday she will trust you again, and it's possible that she never will. Other than being trustworthy, there's nothing you can do.
Sorry to say, you made the mistake, and this is the fallout of it; there are consequences, and you possibly never regaining her trust is one of them.
Just make sure you don't try to convince her that she should trust you by telling her that she should, or that enough time has passed, or that she should get over it; each time you do, you simply extend the time it'll take her to trust you again (assuming that she ever does.)
When the subject comes up, just say "I know you may never trust me again, and I know that there's nothing I can do about it except be trustworthy and hope you come around someday. If you never do, I know it's my own fault, and I got what I deserved -- and in the meantime, I'll just keep on lovin' you." Then change the subject.
2006-07-05 12:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was cheated on two years ago and trust is still an issue. I guess I wanted/want my husband to somehow make up for what he took away from me. My self esteem for one I feel like I am ugly to him since he went astray, I think making your wife feel like she is wanted and beautiful is a priority. I also hope you expect to answer a lot of questions. I still want to know why he is working late, who is on the phone, who he is talking to on the computer, emails, all that stuff. You dont want to let your guard down because you are very afraid of getting hurt again. A. You feel foolish for taking the cheater back. B. You feel not good enough C. The pain is very hard to describe because cheating takes a lot away from the other person.
I guess you need to talk to her and hopefully try some of the things like make her feel like she is #1 in your life and means the world to you. Maybe that would help. I think if my husband did some of these things it would help, but he gets mad at all my questions and I still feel like crap from him because he still doesnt make me feel like I am good enough with things he does. Porn pics, women moaning ring tones, all this brings back bad memories and its hard to forget the cheating. Good luck.
2006-07-05 12:51:32 · answer #4 · answered by djgirlkimber2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
EVERYONE makes mistakes and depending on the situation, forgiveness is not out of the question. Hurt can last a long time. Why is she still with you after 4 years? I suggest professional counseling.
2006-07-05 12:42:21 · answer #5 · answered by Kit Kat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you cheat on a woman, you make her feel bad about herself, like she isnt good enough for you. you were very wrong for what you did, and it takes time to heal a broken heart , but if you truly love her, show here because actions speak louder than words, and if she cant forgive you then maybe you shouldnt be a couple.....
2006-07-05 12:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by k.garcia2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check out this website, and it might help to give you ideas on how you can regain your wife's trust and love. Maybe you can even help her to thrust out her emotions and forgive you.
http://www.love-sessions.com/forgiving_an_affair.htm
2006-07-05 12:35:29 · answer #7 · answered by pilotmanitalia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheater always a cheater.....you've done it once..your going to do it again.... you sad sad man...shame on you
2006-07-05 12:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by sexc_baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋