Should I get a divorce?

Question

I have been married for over a month. I've known my husband for 3 years. I love him very much and I would do anything to please him but lately he is not very interested in me. We don't really talk, we don't do much together, and there's also sexual problems. He does not initiate sex with me, I always initiate the intimacy. I don't know why, because I'm very open to him and I always try to look nice, and wear sexy things, but he's still not interested. We're newlyweds and we have sex maybe once a week or twice a week. There is no passion anymore and it really scares me because we haven't even been married a year.
Last night, we were in bed watching TV. I decided to just start going down on him. He didn't even pay attention. Instead, he kept watching the TV and laughing. He didn't even get a full erection. I cried last night until I went to sleep.
This wasn't the first night that this happened.
Is it too soon to throw in the towel on this? I am tired of feeling crappy about this.

Answer 1

It's so odd that at this early stage this is happening. This is supposed to be the 'honeymoon' stage, and yet he's acting pretty unusual. What he did to you that night is insulting.

I think you should speak to him about it first. Try to get to the bottom of it. You need to speak up. Don't try to prolong it. It won't do you any good. If nothing comes of it, then ask yourself the question if you're willing to put up with this indefinitely, knowing you don't deserve this one bit. You've tried and done all you can think of to get a response from him to no avail. So the problem is not with you. It's with him. If he doesn't want to try and work it with you as should be, then it seems this is a one person marriage with only you trying to work it.

I wounldn't be surprised if your love starts to die as a result if this continues. So before it does, try to settle it. Do your part. If all else fails, maybe it would be time to move on because nothing will work if he doesn't want to make it work. At least you've done what had to be done.

Answer 2

I'm just curious how your relationship was before you married. You have been together for 3 years, so it must have been good. Right??? If it was like your marriage is, sorry, but you should have never married. Wow, I know you must be so upset by his behavior. I would be. My suggestion would be talking to him and telling him how you feel to get to the bottom of his behavior. If that doesn't solve anything, I really would reevaluate your marriage. If it is this way after only a month, I can't even imagine what it is going to be like one year from now. Believe me, sooner, than latter to throw in the towel is a lot easier on the heart.

Answer 3

Rest assured sweetheart, you are not the problem.
I'm not sure of your background, his age, ever been married before, etc., but the best thing you can do is to bring to his attention how you feel. Not in a nagging way, but in a way that expresses your sincere care for him and your relationship. It could be possible that he is intimidated by you and insecure about himself. Either way, talk to him about it. Divorce should be your last option, however you cant make a marriage work on your own.
I would pray about it and seek counseling, ask him if your marriage to him is important enough to him to work things out or if he wants to end it. If he's indifferent, maybe he is cheating or gay. Just don't blame yourself, if he doesnt see a need to correct his behavior and doesnt see your value as a person and a wife, I assure you someone else will.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

You need to initiate a conversation about this, not sex or divorce proceedings.

Sit him down and tell him what's bothering you. Try to work it out together, and until (unless) you do, don't have kids -- in fact, do everything possible to make sure you don't have one until you're sure it's going to last. This is especially important because (a) you're concerned about your sexual activity, so it's highly likely you'll get pregnant while you try to work these issues out, and (b) no child deserves to be brought into a family that is already in trouble, and raising a child is hard enough in the short term that it will shatter any marriage that isn't already firm and steady.

If he cares about and respects you, and vice versa, you'll either work your problems out or have an amicable divorce. Both are significantly better than the alternatives, but you're doomed to an outcome that is far worse unless you start talking.

Answer 5

No don't get a divorce, Yet. Maybe he has a problem he's not telling you about! Its not easy for guys to admit there might be a problem. Talk to him and explain your worries and hope he will be honest back. If you both can communicate without being mean, it will get better and better. Hang on for as long as you can before it takes away from your future or you have a child that complicates matters even more. In the mean time use birth control (3 kinds) until the situation is resolved!

Answer 6

You have been married a little over a month? Surely all of this lack of attention on his part didnt just start when you got married. I think marriage vows are a sacred thing and I only believe in divorce if the spouse is cheating. I say keep on keeping on and hopefully things will get better.

Answer 7

Before you do anything, talk to him. Don't raise your voice or sound frustrated. Just simply ask him if something is wrong. Maybe he has other things on his mind like work, school, kids. Also, try something different. Do something that he wouldn't expect you to do. Be spontaneous! Sometimes, men need a little excitement from married life. Hopefully that will work. Good luck and God Bless. :)

Answer 8

TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!!
So many marriage problems can be solved with a simple conversation. If it's too hard to have face to face, do it while riding in a car. That's what i do with my fiancee'. Riding in a car with him alone lets the two of you look at the road instead of the intimidation of each others' eyes.
1 Month is nowhere NEAR enough time to start thinking about divorce.

Answer 9

I would ignore him for awhile and see what happens. This could be the real him that he's showing to you right now. If it doesn't get any better than throw in the towel, it would not be to early. You would be lucky to end it sooner than later. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

The only marriage that will withstand the rough times is the marriage that is completely open and when I say marriage I mean both of you being completely open. My personal opinion is that he is hiding something. Check it out. Get the piece of mind. Talk Talk Talk.
Good Luck