Confused about my boyfriend.?

Question

First off, Im 22 and my boyfriend is 23, so dont start with we arent old enough for sex. My boyfriend and I have a very open sex life (thats not saying that we have sex with other people, we DO NOT). We tell each other our fantasies and try new things with one another. We have experiemented with many toys on eachother: videos, beads, plugs, vibrators, and strapons.When this first started, he knew about my past history, I have been with two girls before him and I were together and with eight guys before him. Sometimes, I feel like hes threatened since Ive had so much more sex than him, hes only been with two girls besides me.
I told him about wanting to be with a girl again, me him and a girl, then just watching him with a girl.
Hi fantasies started with wanted to experiement with guys and then wanting to service a group of guys. Hes never seemed bicuriuos before, but now he watches gay porn a lot and talks about it during sex.
Do I have something to worry about Is this normal?

Its not that I dont want him to be with guys, Im not setting a double standard here. Im just asking is it normal that he went from never being with guys to wanting to service a group of them.

Also, when I talk about being with girls, I say that he should be involved. When he talks about being with boys, he says that I should just watch. Or make out with my boyfriend. He does not want me involved in a sexual way at all. Is that fair?

Answer 1

First he'd have to try it out with a guy! Watching it and fantasising about what it feels like is one thing and - while many of us here enjoy doing it too - there's no guarantee your boyfriend would.

That first time - if it's not the only time - will be his first real gay experience and yes he may be a little selfish, but it should be understandable that he'd want to do the guy himself. Are you so liberated that your first time (with a guy or a girl) you were up for a threesome? Didn't you want to concentrate on the one you were with (and have them all to yourself)?

Having tried it, if he buys his Queer Membership Card, that's when you two should sit down and set the ground rules.

Having said all that, don't rush into getting someone else in the bedroom - see my answer to an earlier question

Answer 2

Let me give as clear an answer to this as I can -- I will try to be fairly brief -- but it isn't a brief subject.

Firstly -- if you are not aware of the Kinsey scale -- it distributes men along a spectrum from 0 [totally heterosexual] to 6 [totally homosexual] with a number of stops along the way -- [things like "predominately heterosexual, but incidentally homosexual]. Despite all the efforts on the part of the wing-nuts to discredit Kinsey, his research has been backed by study after study. The implication of that research is that approximately 62% of men are bisexual in their fantasy life -- including many of those who protest the loudest and are the worst gay bashers.

The society in which we live encourages most men to never mention these fantasies, to hide them -- hate themselves for having them, and so forth. That does not mean that in many men those thoughts are not there. Some of those men are even gay. The average age for coming out is still in the late 20's -- don't be fooled by people like me who come from solid loving backgrounds and came out at 14 -- more than half of gay men continue to suppress and fight down their natural sexuality -- even get married and have kids -- into their late 20s, and many of them never reach a place where they can enjoy the lives they have and embrace their own beingness -- no matter how long they live.

Secondly -- you have encouraged your b/f to let out what is inside him. While that is good for him emotionally and psychologically -- you don't know in advance what is in there. He may not even know what is in there -- it depends on how deep he has buried it. What you did is a very selfless thing. Something to be admired. I salute you. But, you still don't know where it may lead.

The percentages are with you -- the likelihood is that he is simply bisexual a bit and experiencing this for the first time. However, it is not impossible that it is more than that. In that case you have speeded a process that might have taken years longer left to its own devices. It is possible, though statistically unlikely (about 12 to 1 against at your age) that he is gay, and that your openness has led him to deal with it in a way he might not have otherwise.

I am sorry that I can't tell you anything more substantive, but that's all I can say with any reasonable hope of certainty.

*hug*

I hope that it works out ok

Kind thoughts,

Reynolds
[e-mail]

PS Just a note, I've been out since I was 14 -- but I'm a very vanilla gay man. I've never used any of the toys you mentioned except a few videos, never could imagine that they added anything I wanted. On the other hand, try a french feather tickler sometime. I think you will both enjoy it.

Reyn

Answer 3

I think this is an example of the sexual slippery slope and all the consequences that come from trying anything in an attempt to satisfy something much deeper than sexual passions. Seriously, it sounds as though you are seeking a sexual high that doesn't exist and I don't know where you are going to go from here. As you keep focused on a non-existent peak it will only take you further away from true intimacy with another human being. I wish you happiness and fulfillment.

Answer 4

I think it's very normal. He would not be bisexual unless he wants to have sex with a man. If he wants to have sex with you and only have these fantasies about a man... he's straight.
Bless your heart. It would be a good idea to work this out and know where you both stand before you have a child. Also unprotected sex is not a good idea if there is a chance either one of you is being unfaithful.
(from reading your previous questions)
It sounds like you are bisexual but are worrying about his orientation. What if he realizes he is really gay? You two maybe should talk about that before having a baby together. It still wouldn't be impossible to raise a child together but.. complicated.

Answer 5

There is nothing abnormal or wrong about bisexual/homosexual fantasies. It's good that you two are open with each other. Perhaps you could take this as an opportunity to discuss how this new discovery might effect your relationship? Fantasies are fantasies. It's whether or not one acts on them that can determine whether this is a good or bad thing. If he wants to have this fantasy and it helps to excite him/you that's fine. However if he goes behind your back and acts out this fantasy that could be damaging to your relationship (not to mention the health risks involved from having non monogamous sex).

Answer 6

I think your boyfriend may not have explored his sexuality before you and is just now finding that he has desire for men. It's totally normal, but he may want to experiment with guys more than you're comfortable with. Just listen to your gut feeling, a certain amount of fooling around with a third person may be okay with you but if you get uncomfortable and it feels like he's cheating then take a break so he can explore his sexuality more. Just play it by ear.

Answer 7

WOW!!!!

Dating was so much easier when I was younger. LOL
This is very confusing. Is this what I have to look forward to when I have children. A daughter that has unprotected sex with several men and women or a son that wants to service the members of a group of men. Holy ****!!

Answer 8

My ex is the same way, whenever he finds out im seeing someone he trys to get back in the pic and is nice then when we try to work things out he's back to normal. Make sure ur ex is not just doing this cuz u moved on cuz u just might lose a good person if you take a chance

Answer 9

Maybe knowing you are comfortable being bisexual has allowed him to be comfortable with his bisexuality. But urge him to start slow like with just one guy maybe you can find another bisexual couple that would like to have a foursome. Wow I wish I could be a fly on the wall. LOL As a bisexual myself I think that would be hot a foursome where anything could go. LOL

Answer 10

I dislike the idea of a threesome where some poor women is only a play toy for a couple. Don't do that.