What should I do about this?

Question

My husband gets kinda upset about the guys I work with. I don't flirt with them or anything and I think he is the best guy in the world. But when we have functions at work, he usually comes home and gets upset with me. My work environment is pretty laid back and kinda casual and there are frequent parties etc. even during work sometimes, but I would never think of cheating on him. How should I put him at ease about this?

I work for a west coast biotech company. Product launches, new indication approvals, new molecule discovery. Everything a reason to celebrate....

Answer 1

Well, there's two things going on here.

First, it's entirely possible that the way your coworkers are treating you falls outside of the boundaries that he feels you should be setting as a married woman. That may be because they're out of line, or because your husband is insecure and feeling threatened, or just because he was raised differently. Or a combination. As his wife, you should respect his feelings on the subject, and work to establish boundaries that give him some comfort without jeopardizing your work relationships -- and without making things uncomfortable for yourself. It will likely be a compromise, and he will have to accept that.

Second, you can't put him at ease about it; it's up to him to trust you. If you're earning that trust, and you're following my earlier advice about respecting his feelings, then hopefully he'll learn to trust you -- and perhaps he will not. At some point, if you're earning that trust and he's not giving it, you'll need to address the underlying cause (or stop bringing him to the parties.)

Answer 2

If there is absolutely no reason for his being jealous...(how you dress at work, no one you've mentioned too many times about, or anything else)...then the problem seems to be with something that has happened to him. Maybe someone hurt him or dumped him in a past/previous relationship. Maybe someone was "too flirty" with the opposite sex before. Why not bring him with you to these parties. Include your guy! Make him feel secure and loved. When parties go on "during" the working hours.....why do you bother to bring it up to him? If that bothers him, simply don't say anything about those times. (Where do you work anyway?) So, I'd say....build up the relationship by including him in your parties more AND don't bother him with the details of the regular "during work hours" stuff. Don't give him a reason to be jealous. If that doesn't work, he may have a bigger problem with jealousy than you may realize. Type in Jealousy under Google and find help for the guy. Or, there are plenty of books on the subject too. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Nobody on here can tell you if he's insecure or if it's going too far. Only you can answer that question. What are frequent parties? How laid back are the parties? There are extremes in this world.. you two just need to discuss what exactly the problems are and work through it. Did you do all of this before you got married? How did u 2 meet ?

Answer 4

Your husband sounds very insecure and/or jealous. Try talking with him about everything and reassuring him he's the only one for you. You could even try inviting him to a party at your job to meet some of your male co workers, so he sees there is no threat. If that doesnt work, maybe there's something else bothering him, or maybe he's had a bad past experience that he needs to confront.

Answer 5

Well, sometimes people like your husband never ease up about these things, even if they are with the most trustworthy person on earth! What I do with my man is do extra things for him or with him to let him know how much I do love him and don't want anyone else, also they like it when you say good things about them in front of those people! Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what would make you feel better. Are the guys a little too friendly with you ? Are you a little to friendly with them ? Are you sure your not doing something to provoke even a little jealousy from your husband ? A lot of men think that men are only friends with women to get in their pants. Maybe that is what he thinks about the guys that work with you.

Answer 7

Talk to him about the guys at work in a brother-sister way, especially pointing out their weaknesses. Although you accept their weaknesses, and they are still your friends anyway, he will see that you don't have any of them on a pedestal or have any crush going. Also invite him along, or tell him about how you were bragging to them about what a great person he is. If any of them have a common interest with him, let them become his friend as well.

Answer 8

Keep talking to him Michelle, it may require constant reassurance for a while. Some times people become jealous over things that THINK may be happening. It may take some time but he will see that you love him and you are the only one for him.
The next time he attends a function with you, keep him close to you, whisper sexy little things in his ear. If he can go to one of these and enjoy himself with you, he will learn to relax and not stress about you there. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Physical compliments when you are at the party. kiss him, hold hand, slap butt etc.. in front of your co-workers. That lets him know you still think that he is the best guy at the party and in the world. Also introduce him too the guys at work. Make him feel comfortable.

Answer 10

Can you invite him to any of these parties? Do you have to attend ALL of them? If he doesn't like feeling left out, make it up to him by having special nights out, just the two of you, every time there's one of these office parties. Tell him about your colleagues, the office drunk, the gossip, make him feel a part of your little world, show him why you wouldn't be interested in anyone else.