Men: I Need Your Advice?

Question

My husband lost his business and we lost a beautiful life that we had built together. He has not been able to get together his employment with out bs layoffs or being fired(unfairly). Now he is gone because I complained. I was worried and he seems to have excuses but no job. Is it possible that he is working out his problem but cou;dn't do it with the stress of me and the kids. We miss him and love him. Does he realize that he is hurting us with no contact with us for weeks now and not knowing where he is living or if and when he'll be home?????? What is the best thing for a woman who loves her man to do???

I know that nagging gets me no where. He is a I'll do what I want when I want kinda guy. I accept that but It has been 4yrs since he lost his business, he has only worked maybe a year out of the last 4. We lost a home we owned and kicked out of one we rented. I understand that it is hard and I am doing things now that maybe I should have earlier to help out more. It was hard for me to go to work and have him home all day just giving up without trying. It was if he was waiting for work to show up or perhaps as he said this is part of his plan and I just worried too quickly but I didn't want to lose our home again if I trusted him and he didn't really have a plan. Matter of fact the day he left he came in with a case of "cup of soup" and he told me not to worry that he was coming home with the back rent!! He is a hard working (when its the work he want to do) he is smart and has some great skills. What is up??!?!?! Do some people lose their minds when life becomes really hard???

Answer 1

Clearly, you lost a lot of material things when your husband lost the business. But, did you really lose your "beautiful life"? I doubt it. You still had each other. You still have the children. I'm assuming that you are both healthy. I'd say that the important stuff was still intact.

It isn't easy to go from grilled salmon to canned tuna. And, I bet that it was a surprise to you. Were you expecting the business to go under? He probably didn't tell you because he was trying to fix it and had he succeeded, you wouldn't have needed to know. Furthermore, he probably doesn't feel like a man because he has failed to provide in the way that he is used to. If true, it was a mistake on his part because you two are husband and wife and should discuss this stuff.

Your mistake was in not telling him that you love him, not telling that the cars, boats, houses, or whatever, were a lot of fun, but not nearly as important as him. You had every reason to grouse about the changes. And, you had every reason to tell him that you were behind him no matter what. That you were willing to start over financially if needed. And, that your relationship and your children are the important things.

If you want to save your relationship, you need to tell him those things now. Tell him to come home. Tell him you love him. Heck, if it gets home, tell him you're horny. Once he's there make sure he knows that you're happy about it. Tell him all the good things you want to tell him.

See a marriage counselor to talk all this through. See an employment counselor to get going again.

Answer 2

Some people lose there job or health it is like losing there manhood.
For if one has truly devoted there life to a family then they can not provide for that family it sometimes cause a shock,depression.
For we often punish ourselves on what if, not thinking clearly ,how we want things and not realizing things could be a lot worse than they really are.
We as a society have put money and wants as a life,but when indeed a life with out health or a loved one is ever so more over looked and needed.
Hope you find him and work through it together,Money is not everything if you do not have your love to share it with.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for you and your family. This certainly can't be easy for any of you. I would guess that your husband is feeling like he has let his family down and he felt that getting away from all of you was the best thing. Of course it wasn't, he should have stayed there with a wonderful lady and children who love him dearly. Check with his family and friends, see if anyone may have a clue as to where he may be. He has to be staying somewhere. He is obviously very confused, if and when you do see him, sit down together and discuss the good times you have had. Stay positive and let him know how much he has been missed and is still loved. There are no guarantees but I do wish you and your family the very best of luck and hope that everything will work out well for you.

Answer 4

1. He's chosen to leave, and you can't make him come back if he doesn't want to. So put that aside for the moment.

2. You have to take care of your kids, and you have to learn to live without him. Do what you have to so that you and the kids are stable, keeping the bills paid and eating regularly, without taking advantage of anyone to do it.

3. Once things are stable, concentrate on making your life, and the life of your kids, happier and healthier.

At some point, your husband may choose to contact you, or perhaps he never will. You should certainly contact the authorities, so that he's found and forced to pay child support (the kids deserve that) but accept that he may never come back -- and make sure you and the kids are self-sufficient, so that if he does come back, you can take him IF you WANT to -- not because you NEED to.

Good luck.

EDIT: one more thing: it is entirely possible that he felt the need to get away from you so that he could put his life back on track. Nevertheless, in doing so he put the burden of raising those children entirely on you, which isn't fair. Keep that in mind when choosing whether or not to take him back.

Answer 5

Call him. Tell him that he is still yours and he has your heart and you will stay by his side no matter what.

The number one thing a man doesn't like is for his woman to complain or put him down during rough times. He may be trying to work it out on his own because he feels like you weren't with him during that time. I certainly don't know what he's doing and I don't want you to be naive about it either. But don't worry about that subject at all at the moment.

If you can contact him, tell him that you do need him, and his kids need him as well. As long as he knows he's appreciated, things will work for the better. If he is a hard working man, you should be overly appreciative, because soooooo many women complain about "couch potatoes" and "bums" who don't even want to pick up the classified ads. Now, if he truly isn't working and making excuses, then you have a right to say something about it, because the man is supposed to provide. But if he is trying, let him know you realize that.

So, in conclusion, men want to be appreciated, especially in these modern times, because society has totally "screwed" the true definition of "Man."

Answer 6

I went through a situation with my wife where I lost my job, and was no longer able to help her maintain the type of life she desired. She didn't know it, but she made little comments that kinda chipped away at my manhood. I think most men seek to be validated as providers for their families. Once that is gone, they're extra sensitive. It's possible he's out trying to get himself together, without the added stress of seeing the ones he's failing to provide for on a regular basis. If you talk to him, try to make him feel wanted and needed for more than income, even if that's not the case.

Answer 7

Unconditional love. Read that again slowly... unconditional love. That means you love him whether he has a job or no job or a job as a party clown. He probably feels like he has failed you as a husband and provider. That is a very hard pill to swallow as a man.

Women often times make requests of men or remind them of things they would like done. Women feel this is just a way to show that it is important to them. Men interpret this as nagging. And nagging has never been love. Instead of asking, "Do you have a job yet?" or "Did you read that help wanted ad I pointed out?" compliment him on the things he does well. That will boost his esteem to do more on his own.

But most of all, in all of your words and actions make sure he is loved with or without a job.

Answer 8

Wow, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.
I'll bet both of you are completely stressed over the career problems. I'm a husband and father and I could imagine how horrible he must feel at his temprorary inability to get his career on track. I think that this would be a feeling common to many men in such a situation.
I think that he is, as you mention, looking for a solution to his problem.
In the absence of other problems (drink/drugs/another woman), I'll bet he'll be back soon.

Hang in there!

Answer 9

My advice will be to show pride in being a guy and to teach your pride by using exemplifying each and each and every of the finest factors of masculinity. Be a frontrunner by using get mutually. Be a protector to those who favor secure practices. teach your potential by using exhibiting braveness and determination. cope with females with respect and genuineness. believe in your self and what you may want to provide the international. no individual can allow you to already know who you're except your self. those who want to lump all adult males mutually in some adverse trend are not any extra acceptable than those who want to do an same to blacks, or Muslims, or old people. i do not ignore that it has gotten some undesirable press interior the years because it got here out, even if the e book Iron John should be required interpreting for all youthful adult males. interpreting that e book made me comprehend that that's okay to include the flaws that make us adult males.

Answer 10

He probably doesn't realize how much he is hurting his family..... because he is soo consumed about not providing for his family. BUT.. that IS NO excuse to run out on his family either !! I think he is a coward!!!, and perhaps maybe the best thing he could have done for you is walk out... because when the going gets tough.... he should not be literally ..... GOING !!!