my husband is in the army and has been away for 6 months. He just told me he doesn't love me.?

Question

is there anyone who has expirenced this too and what did you do?

Answer 1

Did he give you an explanation as to why he said what he said? You poor thing you must be so devastated!

Answer 2

Just remember that there is a reason behind everything. Maybe he is depressed, maybe he has convinced himself that he is going to die, maybe he was not ready to be married yet. He has been subject to life outside of his comfortable social bubble of when he was with you, and like how they say that you cannot truly appreciate or understand the city you live in until you live in another, maybe he had the opportunity to assess the world he was living in, and has found that he is unhappy with it as it presently exists. Particularly if he is young, he might not have been mature enough to handle to commitment of marriage, particularly in the face of being away from you for so long a time.

What to do now is you either move on, give yourself some time alone, and eventually find someone know who truly wants to get married and is ready to handle the responsibility that goes with it, or you indicate to him that you understand that he does not feel that he loves you, but ask him what the reason is that he feels that way, and perhaps you can work to right things again. If the marriage is worth saving, then you can hold out with a little hope and try that, if not, just leave. Things will not be terrible forever.

Answer 3

The situation you find yourself in is totally different from the conditions that existed when you married. People change according to their circumstances. Based on what he has been through and what he has seen in the recent past, there is no doubt he is not the same man you married. None of that relieves the pain and emotional hurt you are experiencing right now. Talking to your friends and family about it can exacerbate your the emotional roller coaster you are on right now. The best thing you can do is seek help from a professional. You will find you are stronger than you believe you are at this moment. With the proper guidance, you will come out of this with more self-esteem and a stronger personality. You did not mention whether you have children. If so, they also need counseling. You have a life to live and it should be you who decides how you want to live it. Why am I leaving out how you can get him back? Because he has told you how he feels, now you must decide what you want to do with the rest of your life without writing begging letters. Yes, you feel betrayed, rejected and deep p;ain, but your future is out there waiting for you to create it. Am I cold? No, but it is true that the people who weather such pain are the ones who grieve for a short while, then realize that when anything ends, a new life starts immediatly. This is only one part of your life, the next part is right in front of you. If you have children with your husband, you will always have a relationship with him in one way or another. Do yourself and your children a favor and redefine your relationship with him so they do not feel pulled to one side or another, or feel guilty if they still love him. Give yourself time, the changes will not be immediate, but with the right attitude and professional help, you will see the world with new eyes. You cannot control another person and their feelings, but you can control your reactions to them. Best of luck.

Answer 4

I've never been on the receiving end of a message like this, but I feel that I can relate to this a little bit.
As a USMC veteran I can tell you that the military changes the thinking of its recruits. For the most part this is to help the soldier to survive. For example, it would be counterproductive for a soldier to question an order. This would stop the order from being carried out, it can cause confusion, and it takes up valuable time that is needed elsewhere. That is why recruits are taught to obey orders immediately. And as soldiers move up through the ranks,they feel accomplishment in doing their duty.
His thinking may have changed in relation to you, because he may feel that he has changed, but you have not. In essence he feels alienated from you. If you truly love him, you can show him the true meaning of your relationship-that it can overcome all obstacles. Try to be patient, but up to a point.
Love is a two way street, not one-way. If love was only one-way, we would call it obsession instead. So, if his heart has changed, and he no longer loves you, I hope you have the strength to move on with your life.
I have a feeling, however, that this is a temporary condition, brought on by his change in lifestyle and temperment. This why a lot of servicemen almost need to be debriefed before they come home, because they have changed into the soldier the service wants him to become.
Good luck!

Answer 5

I've never quite been in that scenario, however my first thought is what do YOU want to do? I have no clue if your relationship was good or not so I cannot rightly blame it on combinations of his high-stress, bleak day-to-day mentality & routine or long distance. It could be that he was able to realize that you aren't right for him once he went out into the world. I certainly have no way of knowing. However, I do know that YOU know the answers better than any of us out here in cyberland. If you have been together a long time or have kids together, this process will be even more dificult and I am sorry. Financially, things are a little different for military divorces, so make sure you know your rights if you are a mom or whatever. But don't suck off of his wages just out of spite if you can be financially independent, and don't refuse his rights as a father if that is the case. Lots of times we can make things drawn out and ugly when they don't have to be, especially when we are hurt and just want to make sure the other party is in pain, too. Be fair. Remember that things will work out for the better in the end, if you work it out together or not. And the bottom line is to LISTEN TO YOURSELF!! Good luck :)

Answer 6

I have excepted my husband was a marine and gone on and off for almost a year. I considered counsling, but he refused so fo rthe next 2months I just tryed being the best wife i could be and trying not to think about the subject or bring it up. Finly I found out why he wasnt "in love" with me any more.........it was because he was ingaged to another women in japan. Neadless to say that actually made it easier to deal with and go through with the divorce. Im not sayin your husband is doing the same of course. Mabey you should try counsling.are there any children involed?

Answer 7

I am so sorry. Give yourself one day to cry. Cry and cry and cry and scream. The next day, pick yourself up gently and do something that will make you feel better. Every day will get a little easier. Stay away from guys for a little while. Focus on YOU!!! Take care of YOU! After a while you will get angry...get a good divorce lawyer and when it's over, go celebrate! You will be just fine!!! My prayers are with you...

Answer 8

wow, i'm so sorry for you. i don't know what you can do about it...it obviously is not about you since you weren't even there. all you can do is nothing that you will regret! anything you do in anger or bitterness will only have unfortunate consequences. use this experience to motivate you to make yourself a better person and move forward without letting his obvious stupidity pull you down forever. afterall, it's not going to hurt him if you let it keep hurting you...it will only make you feel bad!
find some good friends to give you some encouragment and support. if you believe in God, then cry out to Him for strength. if you don't know how, read God's Word. there is a lot in there on how to handle hard times...God loves you. This is not how it is supposed to be. I don't think I could handle life without knowing that after this life I will be in Heaven for eternity. there is hope.
God bless. hope you find peace.

Answer 9

It's possible that he doesn't think he will return home and this is his way of lessening your pain if he does die.
It's also possible that he has found someone else.

If you love him, you could wait it out and see how he feels when he gets back. Be prepared for the worst and you won't feel so disappointed.
If he's not worth waiting for, then the love just wasn't there. Move on with your life and find someone that will love you, care for you, appreciate you, be faithful, and giving.

Answer 10

One serious possiblity that he could have said that is because he sees the war in front of him and he does not see himself coming back and if he had all ties gone it might not hurt people so bad. I have never been in this situation I am sorry that you are and I will put you in my pray group at my church that you and your husband find a way to get together if you want it to work.

Answer 11

You've been dealt a heavy blow, unfortunately this happens sometimes. Life is unpredictable, death and divorce can waylay you with no warning. I dealt with my trouble by accepting the fact that sometimes the only person willing to make me happy was me. When my wife left 7 months ago, I treated myself like a king at every opportunity. You are worth it, so treat yourself like a goddess. And coping with the coming days will be easier. -Love Always