Major lies about and thousands of dollars spent behind my back for an "addiction" have driven me to be callous and heartbroken I don't think I really love him anymore. He is like a totally different person. He say's he doesn't do that stuff anymore and that I should get over it and us move on with our marraige. But I have "moved on and forgiven" at least 5 separate times over 3 years and each time was worse than the time before. He always gets caught and every time I catch him, my heart breaks more. This last time was a few months ago and I never got over it. I feel like an empty shell. He disgusts me. We have been married for 5 years. We have a three year old son and he often sees us fighting and that kills me. We have been to counseling over the years and it has never done a bit of good. I don't have the strength to care about our marraige anymore. I just feel I would be better off alone and my son not exposed to our fights. Am I right to consider divorce?
2006-07-05 10:04:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you heard this quote before? "fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me" I do believe in second chances but multiple times breaking your trust, that is unacceptable. If he cannot get a handle on this addiction and you have tried everything, it may be time to move on. He is essentially cheating on you with this addiction because he has proven that it means more to him than you. That is why it disgusts you, it has placed a wedge in your relationship.
Please understand that I am not a proponent of divorce, but under your circumstances, if you've given him opportunities and he doesn't stop, you have to move on for your well-being. It may be the kick in the rear that he really needs to get his act together. You are not doing him a favor by putting up with it.
God bless.
2006-07-05 10:15:14 · answer #1 · answered by Sara B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right! The hardest part will be getting the courage to make that first move. Your child would be much better off having a seperate relationship with the both of you, rather than be stuck in the middle of this. At his age he is now starting to hold memories foever. Your son will remember the most intense moments. For example your day could be going fine, and you and your son could be having a fun day together playing ect. Then when you and his daddy get into a big fight that scares him or hurts in some way. Guess what memory will lock up in his mind forever? Yes, instead of remembering the happy time of that day, the painfull time will replace it.
Your child can also feel your pain. When you are sad or mad whatever, it truly effects your child.
It sounds like you have given this relationship your all! You have tried counsleing, given him several chances. What more can you do? It's time to accept the future of this relationship. Don't go another year living your life this way, give your son a brighter future with his parents. You know in heart you have given it your all. Your child needs to know that treating his wife like this is not acceptable. If you stay with a man that is lying to his mommy, and causing termoil, he will think that this is okay. Now maybe he will grow up to learn that it's not. He can still have a relationship with his daddy.
I believe you teach people how to treat you, by what you let them get away with! You do not deserve to be lied to and disrespected time after time. Life will get easier once you make the first move... Good luck.:)
2006-07-05 10:56:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know your entire situation. Im not one to agree with divorce unless adultery or abuse was involved. You said you tried counseling, go to a different one. I personally would go to a christian counselor for starters, if you havent already. Marriage is alot of work, and you do need to know for sure if he has stopped his addiction. If you cannot know that, then you will always be fearful of him and his lies. What do you think about separation, just so he knows how serious you are. Maybe then you will see changes in him. If he has really stopped, then you have alot of forgiveness to do and that isnt easy. WOW, all I guess I can say is pray alot. Go talk to a pastor and christian counselor. Pray some more. Good luck & God bless..
2006-07-05 10:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were the 1st time I'd seriously say stick with it, knowing the chances are he won't beat the addiction, but one must at least give their loved one the benefit of the doubt, you've already done that and then some....I believe it is time to look for that happily ever after somewhere else...I am sorry to say this is out of your hands...let it go and move on...good luck, blessing to you.
2006-07-05 10:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right and justified to consider a divorce. It just may be the best thing for your child too. Just one thing....if you leave......leave for good.....no matter how much he begs you to stay or come back. If you're going to do something...then go for it all the way......going back and forth will only hurt your child in the long run. I wish you the best of luck..........
2006-07-05 10:10:21 · answer #5 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have tried everything and i think thats all you can do, dont think you are the only one going thru this. you are not alone. theyre have been many of women who have done this ansd left thiere men because he doesnt change, go for it leave him, he will continue to lie and make you feel bad and break your heart.dont feel bad for him because he isnt thinking about you.do what you can to protect your self and your kids from getting hurt anymore.good luck.
2006-07-05 10:14:34 · answer #6 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think that you can solve it go on unless get out
2006-07-05 10:14:46 · answer #7 · answered by sara sea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋