Whose Fault Is It?

Question

I have a problem.....

My parents don't like my boyfriend. They liked him when he was out of state before they met him and afterward my brother told them some lies and they decided they didn't like him. He is good to me and my daughter and we want to be a family. They don't like that he doesn't show any PDA (Public Display of Affection) which as I've gotten older don't care for. I stopped talking to them and ignored their comments.

The other night my mother and sister in law came to my apartment to pick up my daughter (a sleeping 2 yr old) and he had my car. They freaked out and called my brothers to beat him up and all that. He was coming back and saw them then left. My sister in law chased him down with my daughter in the backseat (not in a car seat) and hit my car. My car is in my mom's name but I pay for everything on it and in it.

My parents blame him
He blames me
I blame my parents

Whose fault is it that this happened?

He believes that I didn't stand up to them and I allowed it to happen.

I thought that stood up to them when I refused to throw him out and dump him.

Am I at fault?

He tried to tell them how he feels for me but my brother and his girlfriend told more lies on him.

I want to thank everyone who answered this question for me....I am transferring in my job to move closer to my boyfriends family which is 3 states away. We're working things out right now.

Answer 1

This situation is way out of control. First off, the fact that they had no regard for our daughter's safety is uncalled for. I would not allow them to drive with her in the car for awhile. Next time they do something that could end up harming him, or they threaten him, call the cops. They will come out and take down what happened. They won't arrest anyone, unless it is really serious, but your family will know that you are serious about this.
Most families would appreciate the fact that he doesn't show and PDA. Why would this bother them? Should he start giving everyone a kiss on the cheek when he sees them?
I say that this is their fault. You cannot control your families action. He shouldn't blame you, but I can see how he might feel like you didn't stick up for him. Maybe the right thing to do right now, is to stay away from them and concentrate on your relationship with your boyfriend. Otherwise this is going to put major stress on the relationship and it might not make it. Also get your car in your name if possible. If your Mom gets mad at you she might come and take the car away from you.
Tell your sister-in-law to butt out because this is none of her business. The fact they called your brothers to come and beat him up, I'm sorry but they sound trashy to me. Tell them straight out that they need to grow up and get a life & if they ever put your daughter in danger again that they will not be able to see her.
Try moving to another apartment and not tell them. That way you won't have to worry about them showing up uninvited.

Answer 2

You didn't mention your age, however, it's time you put your foot down. If this man makes you and your daughter happy and he truly is a decent man then you need to take some action. Stop the blame game by taking a stand. You have your own apartment, you pay your own way in life and I assume you're 18 or older.

First of all, it may be time to keep your entire family from coming to your home. Especially your sister-in-law and perhaps your brothers as well. Anyone who would chase down someone in a car and hit them has major problems, she could have killed your daughter or someone else. Not having your daughter in a car seat is illegal anywhere you are in this country now. Don't allow your sister-in-law to take your child ever again, she obviously has no common sense.

It doesn't sound like your boyfriend has done anything to your family, however, your family has been completely unreasonable, violent, irresponsible and downright dangerous.

If they threaten to take your car, let them. Material items or money should never stop you from doing what you KNOW is right. You and your boyfriend can make it on your own, you don't need this kind of behavior going on while you're trying to raise a child, and your daughter doesn't need to be a part of a fighting, crazy family.

Finally, who's fault is it? Well, there are three answers here. First of all it's your Sister-in-laws fault for starting the whole mess. Secondly, your brothers had no right to beat the poor guy up. Thirdly, you were not at fault because you didn't know this was going to happen. However, now it's your responsibility to take care of the situation and make certain things like this don't happen anymore.

Once your family realizes they can't control you, they may come to their senses. Until then...distance your daughter and yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like a big misunderstanding to me. You need to ALL sit down together and get everything out in the open. You also need to have you and your boyfriend remain CALM during this discussion. You need to tell you family that you love this guy and out of respect for you, they should treat him as part of the family. Your boyfriend needs to either deny or admit whatever it is they think he did, and apologize acordingly. You should be the leader of this discussion. Make it like a game, have a stick or fork or some you can hold, and the only one allowed to talk is the person holding the object. I know thats kinda corny, but give it a try. If he is good to you and your daughter, then they should be willing to give him a chance. He needs to show some restraint though, if he blows up while they are there, that will only give them more amo against him. Make sure he knows to be nice and calm and show them that he really wants to work this out...

If it were me, I would also tell my family that if they are not going to be safe with my daughter in the car, they will NEVER be able to take her anywhere again. What if she had gotten hurt? or worse?

Answer 4

Bottom line.. your sister in law.. recklessly endangered the life of your two year old... and wrecked your car. YOU should be mad because your daughter was in the car... Sue her. Pretty much everything else is pretty much secondary.. I am surprised why aren't you more upset at this... Are you putting your man first before your child? If not, tell your parents to leave you and family alone. If you want your relationship to work.. then stand by your man.. But there is something that disturbs me... you sound as if you are a doormat... everybody takes advantage of you.. your family and your boyfriend... stand up and refuse to be a doormat. Don't give in. Blaming isn't going to change anything.. and there is more than meets the eye. The problem is deeper than you are writing about.

Answer 5

Its hard to stay neutral in that situation. Just tell both of them that you love them, and that you should not be forced to make a decision between the people you love the most. If you are happy with they guy, then I say just live your life. Dont shut your parents out of your life, though. Your daughter needs them, too. Dont share any info about your boyfriend with your parents, brother, etc. Even if you two are fighting, always act like things are fine. That keep bad blood from happening. Eventually, things will get better. Tell both sides that they are being unfair to you. Its your sister-in-laws fault that the accident happen. She has her life...she should stay out of yours.

Answer 6

I know why he stayed away. You family is at fault.
Move away from them.
The sister-in-law should pay for the car. Did you file a police report? She took your daughter and did not put her in a car seat which is a crime.

It is your fault too for putting up with all that stuff. Sorry you have to go through all this.

Answer 7

Listen this is your life! Not your moms or your sister-in laws life if you are happy with your boyfriend then thats all that counts! Tell your family that if they respect you then they have to accept your choices in life and you choose him. Tell them if they love you so much then they will let you be happy and you want to be happy with him, It does get better as time goes on i know how you feel my mom and dad didnt like my boyf but my mom is easing up now and my dad just takes no notice now and after 9 years together who can say it wont work and even if it does'nt work out then at least you tried!

Answer 8

First off.....WOW!!! ok seems like you allow your family to be to much into your personal life. You need to tell your brother he needs to set your family straight on the lies that he told - you also need to set your family straight on your relationship with this guy. You are in love with him and you and your daughter want to make a family together. and the car situation - is your mothers fault. If you knew he had your car then thats all that matters - you should have stepped up to your mother and told her you allowed him to drive the car. Your mom calling your brothers and telling them to beat him up is a little much - your family seems a little weird

Answer 9

I trust your families judgement of the guy more than yours. Your family doesn't hate this guy for no reason.

But the car accident seems to be their fault. I'm not 100% sure though, since I don't have the details of the wreck. I'd report it to insurance and let them decide that one.

The whole mess is crazy and I think you are leaving out a bunch of stuff.

Answer 10

I think that everyone is to blame in this one
1st. You haven't say anything about correcting your brothers lying mouth.
2nd.Why are you allowing people who don't care about you child safety to take care( sorry if offended you but someone who chases my boyfriend down with my daughter not properly bukled up doesn't care about her safety.
3rd. You need to explain to your family that if your happy with him that is all that matters and if they love you they would want to see you happy two. If they feel that he is not the one for you tell them sorry but you are going to have to learn that on your own because right now in your life you are happy and thats all that counts.


MY OPINION: Screw everyone if your happy girl live it up it doesn't come around that often and second if he aint cheating on you, beating you, stealing, abusing or degrading you in any way fu*k it and everyone thats trying to interfer. DONT WORRY BE HAPPY LOL!

Seems like there is a lot of green eyed ghost going around.