2006-07-05 09:28:19 · 13 answers · asked by rgrfatboy1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wasnt me ........... was wife trying to trust her i already forgave but keeps intering in life now im back in iraq can help it
2006-07-05 09:40:35 · update #1
Honesty is very important. Don't throw the affair in each others face. Take one day at a time.
2006-07-05 09:32:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assuming that you want to rebuild the relationship ...
1) Take ownership of your decision to cheat. Your spouse may not have been everything you wanted. Your needs may not have been met. But, YOU are the one who decided to cheat. Take ownership of candidly and do NOT make excuses.
2) Promise not to do it again. Mean it. And then don't cheat.
3) Make your life an open book to her. No secret rendevous with anyone. No vague explanations. "I am having drinks with a buddy", is vague. "I'm having a beer with Tom at The Sports Bar and I'll be home by 10:00 pm", is what's needed. For a period of time, you will not be able plan a surprise party or buy a secret gift. Why? It's romantic, but it's still sneaky and could rattle her badly.
4) Be where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there, doing what you said you were going to do. If you can't, then call her and say so. If you can't call her, find someone who can.
5) Tell her that it's OK to be insecure about this. Tell her that you know that you did wrong and that if she needs to check up on you, that you don't mind. See (4) about being easy to check up on.
6) Remember why you love her. Tell her that. Tell her that she makes you happy, that she's wonderful, and that you're proud to be with her and that you're grateful that she's has given you a second chance.
7) See a marriage counselor to work through the reason(s) that you chose to cheat so that BOTH of you can have your needs met within marriage.
8) Know that you cannot fix, improve, or maintain your marriage by turning away from it.
2006-07-05 09:46:23 · answer #2 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is earned, not given. When you had the affair you broke the bonds of trust. IF those bonds are ever going to be fixed, not regained, you have a lot of hard work ahead of you. I would suggest if the other person involved in your relationship wants to maintain the relationship, both of you should go to counseling as a couple and individual for you to realize why you had such an awful need to have the affair.
If the bonds I have with my significant other were broken, I doubt that I would ever be able to trust again, ever! If a person cheats once, what stops them from cheating again?
2006-07-05 09:34:21 · answer #3 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight.. Your wife had the affair and you are trying to forgive and move on with this marriage. You are in iraq, and you wife isnt with you?? I
If this is the case Good luck.. cause you arent around her to watch and see if she is faithful, and to try and prove to you that she wants your marriage to work. ITs a matter of trust that has to be earned. HOw do you do that if you cant be there with her?? Pray.. Alot
2006-07-05 10:24:38 · answer #4 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the first thing that you would to do is analyze exactly what it was to make you stray. It's important to talk about how its effected you and how its effected your partner. Communication is the key and if you and your partner feel that the relationship is worth reconciling speak with a counselor and ways to gain that trust back but it is going to take time.
2006-07-05 09:35:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you will ever fully have it back. Your lucky if she stays with you. You need to do a whole lot of *** kissin if you want to keep her. And you will need to give up your privacy for a while, let her know every little thing you are doing!!!! Smother her with sincere apologies and regret. And be patient with her, she is probably gonna be mad and resentful for a long while!!!
2006-07-05 09:36:31 · answer #6 · answered by cutiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when you think everything is back to normal...it isn't. Things will not be the same. Not for you or the other person. It takes time and he/she might get over it, but it's never the same. You'll just have to wait it out or move on.
2006-07-05 09:33:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
communication & honest is the key between the both of you. once everything is out in the open the hearling will begin.
2006-07-05 09:48:53 · answer #8 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slowly, over time, with open communication and honest behavior.
2006-07-05 09:31:18 · answer #9 · answered by justagal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to be hard if at all possible, and you'll have to be extremely patient.
2006-07-05 09:38:05 · answer #10 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋