Divorce or Not ? What would U do, What do U think ? help please ! ! !?

Question

I have been w/ this man 25 years Got married 15 years ago He is a very bad drinker, and getting worse every day it seems,
I moved out a year ago and got a apt. on my own. I really like being alone and Do what I want to do> I am handi~capped
however, He DON'T hit me, His mouth gets carried away. & talks really bad to me. and then claime's He don't remember anything,
Is this common ? with a drinker ?
We have a son, Now 23 yrs. old now, I think our job together, is done now,
I called about getting a divorce this morning. I am not shur if I should or not. I do care 4 him, and have tryed everything I can 2 get him 2 STOP drinking
I like being alone to. and the peace. I have. no-one 2 controle me in anyway, He is a controle freck. I kind of fill sorry 4 him in one way
I'm not shur what 2 do in a problem like this,
I would like 2 find a E-MAIL BUDDY..
That IS or HAS gone though all this.
*PLEASE HELP* I need ALL the support I can GET E-Mail @ social_butterfly_1962 . Thanx

Answer 1

You should find a support group for spouses of alcoholics in your area. If you enjoy being on your own, go for it. You sound miserable at the thought of going back to him.

Answer 2

I have gone through what your going through about 10 years ago. The only thing different is I'm not Hindi-capped. But you are doing the right thing. Your child is grown and why would you want some one who is supposed to love you treat you like that. And yes drinking can make you mean he is so drunk that he probably doesn't remember doing it, but that's not an excuse. And like you have seen it does get worse. So it's a good thing you left. I say take the potty mouth to DIVORCE court and take all that you can for all the years of suffering he's put you through. I all ways remember the old saying,
1st time shame on you.
2nd time shame on me.
A person can only treat you like you let them treat you. My vote is to go for it. And don't look back, your over half way there now with getting your own place and doing it by your self. And being able to make on your own for a hole year. You can do any thing you put your mind to. Just depends on how bad you want it. Good luck and if you would like to talk again just drop me an e-mail. Bye Bye Kathie
[e-mail]

Answer 3

I say get rid of him! he is only going to get worse if he doesn't quit drinking, It might only be verbal abuse now but it could turn into physical later on. The controling won't get any better either, If you could actually get him to try to quit drinking, I would say give him another chance, But some people will just not listen. If you are happy being alone. That is the best route to go. You need to look out for yourself. My father was a really bad drinker, He was abusive Physiclly and verbaly to my whole family. Good luck! you should do what makes you the happiest!

Answer 4

Listen, you deserve what is best for you. If he is a control freak and a drinker and talks to you badly then clearly you can do better. Divorce him and move on with your life. Don't stay married just because you have a son or you are handi-capped. Marriage is based on love and if you don't love him or he doesn't love you then get out. There is a guy out there in the world who will treat you and love you like you deserve. Don't settle for anything less.

Answer 5

You could either divorce him or just stay seperated. Its up to you whether or not you want all the legal issues that go along with divorce. If not, then just continue living on your own. He doesn't own you and can no longer control you as long as your out of the house. He has gone to rehab for drinking? Maybe you can talk to him about doing that. Do you still love him? If not then go for the divorce because there is no reason to be with someone who isnt willing to help themselves and that you dont love.

Answer 6

The bad part about all of this is that you are trying to help him do all you can to help him quit drinking. THIS IS YOUR FIRST MISTAKE. Only HE can do that. You need to get your walking papers, honey. I know sort of what you're going through and it's so much better once you get your life on track. Once you get over the hump, you will want to kick yourself for wasting so much of your time being unhappy!

Control freaks are horrible to live with, and the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. If you've been on your own and liked it, then you still have the confidence to know that you can make it and can do it, so do it.

If you get on your own, you have to leave him to his own misery. The verbal abuse (and that IS what it is) is enough to make me leary. They usually start with that and work their way up. My life experience says get out while you can and get on with happiness. Why would you want to be unhappy any longer? Make sure you have all your ducks in a row and such and walk, girl. You're right... it IS only going to get worse. Don't wait until some of your options are gone. Know you are doing the right thing for YOU. He may be past help and that's not your fault or your responsibility. Leave him to be responsible for himself and who knows... he might wake up. But chances are, he won't, so close this chapter in your life. I know I was so much happier after I closed a bad chapter in MY life. Good luck and keep your chin up.

Answer 7

Keep your apartment and get rid of him. You deserve to be treated better and if you cannot find someone who will, it's better to be on your own and have the peace and freedom you seem to want.
Feeling sorry for someone, caring about someone or any other excuse is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic.
File the papers and start the divorce proceedings. Good luck.

Answer 8

sweetie, i am so sorry, i myself went through the same thing, i was divorced 15 years ago from this man, and he is still drinking, so i am glad i got out! and i am much happier now, i meet a great man that is my best friend and we have been married 5 years, and yes you are right, you have done your job. your son will feel better not having to hear him all the time, it is terrible to be around a drunk, no one should have to deal with that! he will not change unless he wants to, and chances are he does not. take some time for yourself, do some things for you and you son. i pray for my ex, every night, and like you i do feel sorry for him, but i have a life too, so do you! you may e-mail me if you want [e-mail], i will pray for you too ok.

Answer 9

The sad thing is, he'll probably get worse once he gets the divorce papers. It's possible he'll up and do a 180, but I doubt it. I guess my question would be, why is he drinking. No one just up and drinks (outside of teenagers) so irresponsibly.

You are already separated, but if you want to save the marriage, you should put it in his hands. Personally, I hate ultimatums but if HE wants to save the marriage then you should let him on the condition that you both get marriage counseling. At the end of it, you may still want to leave, but at least you (hopefully do) put him on the right track to get his life back.

Answer 10

Never been in this situation, but I thing that is good for you to moved alone, now you know how much better you can be without him. Don't feel sorry for him, you have give enough. Live your life now and let him live his way, he will find somebody very soon, You could be sure of that. Get the divorce and be happy, life is short and we have to live well. Good Luck !!

Answer 11

you care for him, you feel sorry for him, and he doesn't hit you. he's a control freak. and you have a grown son. this is hardly a good basis for keeping a marriage that obviously was a drain on your life. you're right, you cannot make him stop drinking. this is something he will have to do on his own. (it's supposed to be about "hitting bottom", so maybe your divorce of him will be another pretty big sign that will let him know that life sucks under the influence.)

i think you really know what it is you should do, for your own happiness. you only get one life. don't live it within his manipulation and unhappiness.