How do you tell your bestfriend she is selfish?

Question

My best friend just had a baby with someone who abused her during her pregnancy, and verbally abuses her everyday. The baby hates him you can tell. And they are not even living together. Do you let her go figure her way out or what? She says she stays because of the baby, but really it is so she has him still!

Answer 1

tell her that she really needs to get a move on with her life and this guy's influence isn't good for the baby so she better leave.

Answer 2

She thinks she has him still, however he's probably out with someone else. I know the type. He's not going to be true to her.. Especially when she takes the abuse from him, he has no respect for her, so why would he be true to her?

You need to be a good friend and tell her. She won't like it, and she may tell you to never come around again. But at least you'll know you've done the right thing. Then, a couple years down the road when her abusive boyfriend is behind bars because he put her in the hospital she will thank you.

Remember, abusive boyfriends don't get less abusive with time. She will experience physical abuse again from him unless something is done. She does stand a change of losing her child to the authorities for putting him/her in an unsafe situation as well.

Answer 3

Sounds like she has Co dependancy issues and low self esteem. Unfortunately all you can do is reiterate what she already knows...I'm sure she knows exactly how this man is if she lives with him, but for some reason she thinks she deserves the abuse and couldn't get any better if she tried. She has her parents to thank for that most likely. Still she has a choice and it's hers to make, leave and find a better life or stay and endure the abuse, only she can make that choice. The only reason you should ever get involved is if you notice signs of abuse on that baby, since they cannot speak for themselves, we have to! You might lose your best friend over that, but in the end save that baby's life. Hopefully she'll remove her head from her behind someday...before it's too late. You are a good friend for being concerned.

Answer 4

All you can do is stress to her how strongly you feel against this man. Tell her he isn't good for her or the baby and staying with him can only make things worse. Don't try to force her though! That will only make her defiant. She needs to feel like she is making her own decisions. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way. She might not understand she has to leave him until something happens to provoke her. What ever happens, make sure you're there for her. Having a baby is new to her and even though he's not a good man, it's understandable that she is having a hard time leaving him. Making any kind of drastic change would be hard for her right now! Make sure she knows she'll still have you to lean on!

Answer 5

Let me say this, if you wait for her to figure it out, you could lose her, the baby or both.Put a stop to this.That child has no right to grow up in a home like that.Let alone even associate with such an individual.
She is scared and afraid of what to do.I can tell she wants the child to have a father but, apparently a very bad choice.This could cause her to lose it all.( I hope you get what I mean)
There are wonderful men out there that will step up and be a father even if it is not theres.But she has to be bold and strong and get away from this guy and you need to be there for her all the way.Or else she will go back to him in a moment of weakness.

I hope my words helped.I really do.

Answer 6

I guess the only way to tell your best friend that she is selfish is by outright saying it. There is nothing wrong with telling the truth. You might not want to just lay it out there and be like.. "you're selfish" but maybe just ease into it by saying... "Well, I am sort of uncomfortable with doing that, can we do something I want to do?" I mean of course shes going to take anything that you say negatively because she has been able to be selfish. But once you put your foot down, then she will understand IF she is truly your best friend. I hope this helps. You just need to let her know how her actions make you feel... :)

Answer 7

Well, trying to give her the benefit of a doubt, maybe she isn't so selfish, perhaps she's just terrified of being a mom with no one there....even if he is a jerk.

Kinda like kids whose parents don't care enough about them to give them rules, they act out to get attention, even if it's bad attention.

You know, and she probably knows, that she is doing no one a favor staying with someone who is abusive: not herself (obviously), the baby (who will grow up thinking that this is the way it is supposed to be), or even the jerk who could maybe go on someday to be a caring person, if she were not allowing his behavior by staying there.

There is really no GOOD way to tell her, but maybe try telling her in a caring, loving way that you worry about her and the baby, and offer to help her figure her way out of this abusive relationship. I would definitely NOT tell her she is selfish (in those words), but you might explain to her that she HAS to look farther into the future than the next paycheck he brings home, or the next time he pays attention to her (other than smacking her around).

Check out some shelters in your area if you are not in a position to help her yourself.

Answer 8

First let me say, I have been your friend. Unfortuntely, she has to find out for herself. She may never find out. My best friend tried to tell me and I should have listened, but instead, we stopped talking. It took me a long time to apologize to her for not listening to her, but we are friends now.

You need to think of your friend, it is a lot for someone to go through, especially since she just had the baby, her hormones are on a roller coaster.

My son is now almost 9, and I couldn't have made a better choice than to leave his father about 8 years ago, it's just something I had to do on my own.

Remember, always tell your friend before saying anything that you will be there for her no matter what! Make sure that she knows she can come to you for support.

Answer 9

You need to sit her down and tell her how you feel. I would also point out that you should never stay with someone because of a child. From personal experience, that child will grow thinking that the reason their mother had a miserable life was because of you. If she refuses to listen to you, then tell her that you have did your part and you will continue to support her, but to know that you don't agree with her. In the end, just be there for her.

Answer 10

Sweety be firm but supportive let her know what he is doing to her is abuse and it not good for the baby. Let her know she can do better then this loser and let her know there are men out there that are sweet and kind loving even. Also let he know that if this guys hits her or the child in front of u or if she has any bruise you will call the cops yourself and call cps and that your doing this cause you love her and you don't want to see her being hurt any more.

Answer 11

Write her a letter of your concerns and reasons for believing things to be as they are. Be honest, and don't worry about hurting her, for to save someone you usually have to hurt them in the process. If they go the way they should, the hurt from the start wont matter. If they go the wrong way, they're going down a long road of disappointment. Let her know which road she's taking and which road she's better off in. She'll understand in the end.