17 yr old son, who probably will not graduate, has recently informed me that his girlfriend is pregnant. We are not 100% sure the baby is his. I'm upset, confused, should I be happy? How should I handle this? He's too young to be a father and I'm too young to be a grandfather. Is the only thing I can do is wait until the baby is born and have the DNA test and be happy then? I'm sure many of you out there have been in this same situation and any advice or insight you may have to share would be gratefully welcomed! Thanks for reading.
2006-07-05 08:40:37 · 28 answers · asked by EdzHead 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
That's a lot for you to handle. Here's my advice (I work with teens in a group home and at a church). Of course, I don't know you, and you sound very strong-headed and caring, so this may not even help ...
All of this is assuming he is the father, which you should definitely have confirmed:
#1 thing is to be there for your son. Encourage him to own up to his responsibility, but don't make him feel like he is cast out of YOUR family. Support him as he confronts the fact that his life will change drastically and he must play a role in the life of the child.
2 - I don't think it's a good idea to force the couple to marry or be together, but rather support them, offer relationship advice and counsel, encourage their relationship to mature, but support them if they decide not to stay together.
3 - You all need help! I really believe in the power of a third party who knows what they are talking about. Maybe this would be a pastor you trust, a family counselor, or maybe another family with young children that will offer to help your son and girlfriend understand the responsibilities of parenthood.
4 - The girl will ultimately choose the outcome of the pregnancy, but maybe discuss the ups and downsides of adoption.
5 - Your feelings are totally justified...you can be upset, confused AND happy, or whatever. Whatever you do about these feelings, I would suggest that you be the rock for your son to lean on as he also wrestles with those same feelings.
Best wishes to you and your (maybe) growing family!
2006-07-05 08:56:03 · answer #1 · answered by kbis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll do my best.......here goes.......It sounds as if you had high hopes for your son to graduate, I know what you mean. I would say, the first thing you want to know, is if the child is his or not, I thought medical science had found a way to do the DNA test, even at this early stage, if I'm wrong, then yes, you've got some waiting to do. I understand that you are confused, upset, along with all the rest of the things that go along with this situation. You'll be doing allot of waiting over the next year. You might suggest that your son keep you the in loop as far as the pregnancy is concerned. You'll have plenty of time to make decisions when the blessed event happens. I'm sorry I can't give you any better advice than I have, you find yourself in a situation that most fathers hope they don't find themselves in. Wait and pray friend.........lets hope this situation works itself out. BEST OF LUCK!!!!!!
2006-07-05 09:08:36 · answer #2 · answered by veteranpainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you can tell him how you feel no one likes to be lied to whether or not it's to help or hurt the truth is always better. I'm not saying you should down him by saying what typical parents would say.. For Example, I'm very disappointed in you I can't believe you did this...blah blah blah blah... All the extra chit chat will only make matters worse. I think when the baby is born a DNA test should be taken why? Because you both don't know 100% if the baby is his. But if the Baby is his...Support him and help him as much as you can. And this will be a learning experience for both of them... I hope this kind of helped I didn't want to just come out and tell you wat to do but if you read between the lines and use your own judgement then you should know what to do.
2006-07-05 09:18:16 · answer #3 · answered by CaramelKisses16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been at the other end of this question I got pregnant with my son at 17 (I am 26 now) and I can only tell you what would have been best for me.
Be supportive of him he is already confused and scared especially not knowing 100% this baby is his. listen to him let him tell you how he feels so you can help him through this.
I am sure he already knows if you are disappointed in him or do not approve of his decisions and this is not the time to remind him of how bad he screwed up. Dwelling on his mistake will only drive a wedge between you and him and make it harder in the future for him to come to you.
Finally all babies are a blessing from God weather born in the right time or circumstances or not so yes be happy. Even if the baby might not be his try to support the mother in the ways you can. This will be helpful for both her and your son, and will help you come to terms with the fact you might be a Grandpa.
2006-07-05 08:54:00 · answer #4 · answered by AlwaysRight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, dont lose your head about the whole thing. Stay calm and get him through high school 1st, so if it does turn out to be his, he can at least get a job. A high school education is the very basic thing.
Find out how he plans to pay for this baby and help him get a plan. Meet the girls parents and come up with a plan.
If you feel like being happy, Hell, Be happy! Its better than being mad. What do you have to lose?
My 14 yr old step-daughter delivered a baby girl. She is now 19 and has a 5 year old believe it or not. Its all gonna work out.
2006-07-05 08:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my dear first I would like to ask you why in the world will your son not graduate? Because you as his mother should make sure that he does and it shouldn't have gotten to this point, and that is why he had no regaurd for worrying about getting a girl pregnant because he probably thinks you won't make him take responsiblity for his actions because you have let him ride so much already without dealing with consequences. Secondly yes you do need to make sure that it is his when the child is born, but you need to make him take part in all the experiences this girl has while she is pregnant in the even that it is his baby and if it comes out not to be his well then he can chalk it up to a good learning experience and being a good young man. Thirdly if this child does turn out to be his you need to inforce the fact that he is going to take care of this child because no son of yours is going to bring an innocent baby into this world and then think he is going to walk away. And if he chooses not to listen and walks away from this baby well then you need to walk away from him and make him grow up and face the real music he wanted to be a man and get a girl pregnant well then he can be a man and take care of himself 100 percent.
2006-07-05 09:26:39 · answer #6 · answered by cheryl m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
17 is young but be greatful that hes not 12 or 13, now in days thats the age these kids are having kids, so he doesnt know if the baby is his or are you just saying that in hopes its not and to make yourself feel better? Bringing yourself in this is actually selfish, even though they are afecting your life, its still not about you, its about him and her and that baby that could dam well be your grandchild, so dont be selfish and say **** like i cant handle that or anything like that, sometimes thats what could start a big family war, my little sister got pregnant at 14, her mother screamed and yelled at her telling her to get an abortion, telling her that that she couldnt handle it, well my sister didnt give in, she was a strong girl, and well i let her and her 17 year old boyfriend move in, they paid me rent and we got along and now she is 17 and still her and her boyfriend are togetther and happy, and her mother doesnt even see the baby ever, o and we werent really sisters but such good friends that that is how we felt, just be there for him, he doesnt need someone nagging on him, he needs someone there to help him, just like my sis did, good luck
2006-07-05 10:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by Shorty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is doubt, YES have the DNA test done....it is very simple to do. If it is his.....even though he is young, he is the father. He has to finish school and do whatever he can to go on to college, so that he will have a career that will provide for himself and a child for the rest of his life. This is why we stress to our son that it is his job (once he thinks he is old enough to have sex) to practice safe sex. It is not just up to the girl to prevent pregnancy. If it is his, he will need alot of support and guidance from you, since he is so very young. Hopefullly, he will be able to create an adult life that will enable financial stability. Good Luck!
2006-07-05 08:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Breathe!Sometimes as parents we forget to breathe when our children do things. Its happened, its not a reflection of bad parenting. Someone has to be the example and its sad that it has to happen that way. Support him. Remember how you felt when you found out you were going to be a Parent. Its overwhelming, exciting, and scary all at the same time. Let him lean on you for advice and help him out anyway you can. Lashing out at him for it, will drive a wedge between you and him. He needs you right now more than you know. Be the parent you want him to be. Get a test when the child is born and if it turns out to be his, then show him how to be the best parent that he can be. Good luck!
2006-07-05 08:52:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, you say that your son is too young to be a father- the problem is when you are old enough to play, you are old enough to pay. Too many times, these teenagers are left unsupervised and doing things they have no business doing. They are left with prices to pay for the rest of their lives.
If it is any consulation to you, I am sure that the girls parents feel the same way- if not worse. Have you spoken to them?
2006-07-05 08:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by texasgirl5454312 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋