We have been divorce for 3 years and she comes to all of our family functions even when it is holiday or reunions and I have our daughters for that day. My family doesn't seem to see how strange that is and how difficult it is for my new wife.
2006-07-05 08:30:22 · 32 answers · asked by hazeleyedguy_tx 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have told them how uncomfortable it makes me and my wife and they say that my ex is still part of the family
2006-07-05 08:36:40 · update #1
Your family should be more considerate of your feelings. Maybe you should think about not going to these gatherings if they are going to continue to invite your ex & let them know your decision.
2006-07-19 01:47:47 · answer #1 · answered by Nancy P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your parents that they have to choose between you and your new wife, and your ex-wife. Make sure you let them know that there is NO WAY you are going to get back together with her. They probably really liked her, and thought you were the perfect match together, and still have no idea why you got divorced.. so.. for the sake of your new wife's feelings.. sit them down and make them privy to your private life.. tell them what went wrong.. that you're not getting back with her, and if they want you to continue to come to family functions then they are not to invite her. She is no longer a part of your family, and she shouldn't be included.
2006-07-18 23:50:29 · answer #2 · answered by Imani 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey it's not about you, or your ex-wife, or your new wife, open your eyes...It's about your children, they are learning, that family can still be family, even when mistakes have been made. Your family is doing the right thing, for you kid's.
You brought the ex in to the family, and expected everyone to except her as part of it, and it sound's as if they did. Now you want her out, and they are suppose to turn there back's to her, and let your children see it. You think of yourself and your feeling's only. Take a real good look at what you are asking your family to do, and your children to witness..
2006-07-18 16:40:41 · answer #3 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of families. Consider this, they know how to punch your buttons and they do. Adapt a different attitude. Your ex will always be the mother of your daughters, and will always be involved. There is no way around it. You have moved on to a new chapter in your life and your here and now wife is part of it (DUH). It is obvious some of your family members must want to make your wife uncomfortable or god knows what. Have you ever heard the old saying, "Smile. It will drive everybody nuts trying to figure out what you are up to". I would suggest that you use that as a rule of thumb. Since you are married to a wonderful woman, and she has learned to put up with you, sit down and plot together. She should go out of her way to be nice to your ex and try to befriend her. One of two things will take place; she will have an interesting friend to talk to, or; since pushing your buttons doesn't seem to be working anymore the situation will defuse itself. My wife and ex-wife visit each other and chat at length whenever they meet, etc. I do my best to be non-commital as I know they also probably compare notes on the stupid and weird things I do and men in general. However, I chose not to be a sheepherder so I can't whine about it. My best wishes to you.
2006-07-19 04:14:43 · answer #4 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems that your ex..is very much loved by your family and they don't want to part with her, so you will have to put up with it.
Well, why should it be hard for your new wife? she is the one that has got you...right? It should be your ex-wife that should be uncomfortable, but it seems it doesn't bother her, so you either put up with it or just don't go to the family reunions. That should cross a message after a few times, go to your new wife's family instead.
2006-07-16 17:04:32 · answer #5 · answered by Princess Amerindienne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents are still friends with my ex (my dad was even his "best man" at his wedding last year.............but now he's getting another divorce). Anyway, I've told them that their relationship with him is THEIR business and that out of respect for ME, I would appreciate it if he were not invited to functions that I may attend. So far, so good.
If your family continues to disrespect you, I'd suggest that you and your new wife NOT attend functions that SHE will be at. After a few missed gatherings on your part, maybe they will then GET THE MESSAGE.
Keep in mind though, it was YOU that divorced her not them. So if they choose to continue a relationship with her, that is their business. Just tell them that if she's there, you won't be.
mb
2006-07-05 09:03:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not crazy. Your ex is your ex for a reason. I was married for 15 yrs. I have never been to one of my ex's family get-to-gethers.
I can't believe your ex has the balls to even show up. She must be a very spiteful person. And your new wife must really love you alot to put up with it. I hate to say it but i think you may need to separate from your family awhile. If there is a get-to-tether and the kids want to go then let your ex take them if she is going. It may not seem fair to you but maybe that will show your family how you really feel.
2006-07-05 08:39:16 · answer #7 · answered by leonamcmean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i bet your family is just thinking about your children. Maybe thinking that they need her included. Draw the line man. Don't go!!! Let your family have your ex at the reunions, but don't go yourself. I would be pissed off, royaly. She isn't part of the family anymore, they need to make your new wife feel more included. No you're not crazy at all, your family is. If the children never seen their mother, maybe I could understand a little, but as it is now, there's no excuse!!!!!!
2006-07-17 10:51:43 · answer #8 · answered by amsing 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a perfect world, where everyone is emotionally healthy, the modern 21st Century family does what is best for the CHILDREN.
If having everyone together on the holiday makes your kids happy, and you and your ex can be civil to one another, what is the harm?
Ask yourself....why do you begrudge her a family gathering? Does she even have family of her own? Do your children enjoy her being a part of the holiday and other gatherings? Was she close you your parents, or siblings?
The Fresh Prince of Belaire, and his lovely wife, Jada Pinkett Smith have been a wonderful example of how remarriage and step-children can be blended into one big family unit where everyone is working together to give the children the absolute best start in life.
Can you find it in your heart to be generous for the sake of your children?
I guarantee you, when they are grown, they WILL remember, and they will be thankful they were able to spend so many holidays together, and not pulled in 4 different directions by their parent's...and even grandparent's who each want some time with them on important days.
2006-07-05 08:39:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sends a mixed signals to the children. Divorce is divorce. It's not hard to understand that divorce is dissolution of a marriage and the life you had together. It's painful but the ex wife must be mature and move on. Find someone new and began again. Stop living in your past life and live in your current life. Look to the future and STOP hanging onto yesterday. It's over move on!
2014-02-05 18:12:30 · answer #10 · answered by Noname 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family needs to start respecting you. You are their flesh and blood. Not to mention you are remarried. Having been in that situation you need to explain to your parents that it makes your now wife feel like they don't want her was part of the family that they wish you were still with your ex. You might need to stop going to familly events for a while until your family sees that they are hurting you and your wife. And if they dont stop inviting your ex then they dont respect you, your wife, or your ex for putting all of you in the position and putting that strain on your new marrige. its kinda like sabotage....
2006-07-05 08:46:03 · answer #11 · answered by Trouble 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋