i am kinda sad do have any jokes to cheer me up?

Answer 1

It is near the end of the school year and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each question I ask may leave early."

Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first."

The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Susie said "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may leave."

Johnny was mad that Susie answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Mary said "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may leave."

Johnny was even madder that Mary answered first.

The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Nancy said "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave."

Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher said "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?"

Answer 2

After a long day at work, a man goes up to a high class bar at the top of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a drink. Soon a drunk approaches him...

"I bet you i can jump out that window" he points to the window at the end of the bar, "fly around the building, and meet you here in thirty seconds."

The man, is stunned. He doesn't quite know how he can prove this feat, so he tells him to prove it. The drunk stumbles to the window, and jumps. The man runs over and looks out the window and does not see the man. Stumbling backwards, he runs into the drunk.

"How did you do that?" the man asks.

"Easy. You jump out the window, turn left four times and climb back in," the drunk replies. "Do you want me to show you again?"

"Yeah," the man says.

So the drunk jumps out the window again. About 20 seconds later, he is stumbling through the window, climbing back into the bar.

The man thinks that there has to be a trick to this. "Let me try."

"Ok," the drunk says. "Just do what I told you, and you will be fine."

So the man jumps out the window. A few seconds later, there is a crash and people screaming on the street.

The bartender comes over and stands next to the drunk. "Superman, you sure are mean when you're drunk."

Answer 3

Why Parents Drink

The boss of a big company needing to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's number and was greeted by a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your Daddy there?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I speak with him?"

The child whispered, "No".

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mother there?"

"Yes," the voice whispered.

"May I talk to her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking with Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed in the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle..........

"ME!

Answer 4

There was this man he was Rich and on his Deathbed and he wanted to give his money to the most important people in his life

So he called in his Doctor, his Lawyer and his Accountant and said when I die I want ya each to have 1 Million Dollars

Later he decided he didn't wanna give his money just to the Men he wanted to take his Money with him when he died so he called the Men back in and said "when I die I want my Money to be buried with me."

So he dies and they each put an Envelope in his Casket at the Funeral Home, as they are driving back the Doctor says "I feel really bad I put in only $50,000 cause the practice is going kinda bad right now." and the accountant said "don't feel bad I put in only $75,000"

Then the Lawyer said: Im ashamed of you I put a check for $1 Million Dollars in his Casket

Answer 5

Me and some friends went to visit my granny and while I was talking to her my friends in the living room were eating her peanuts, well when I got ready to leave my friends told her about eating all her peanuts and she said that's Ok ever since I lost my dentures all I can do is suck the chocolate off them

Answer 6

Two cannibals were eating a clown, one says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

A duck goes into a shop and picks up a lipstick, he goes to the checkout and says: 'Put it on my bill'.

Answer 7

im kinda sad to but heres a good one do you have a mirror in your opants cuz i can see myself in it lol

Answer 8

I thought these were funny, it's called If Santa answered his mail honestly

http://www.emuasylum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11784

Answer 9

asking a straight guy to turn gay is one good joke lol

Answer 10

This one is gay.

Um.... knock knock, who's there? banana, banana who?knock knock, who's there? banana, banana who?knock knock, who's there? banana, banana who?knock knock, who's there? orange, orange who?Orange you glad i didnt say banana?


lol, i have that kind of dry sense of humor.
I can laugh at anything.