Can you be married and love your spouse and still love another?

Question

I really could care less to hear from those who will say... marriage is forever, or no you can only love one person ever. I need open minded responses and am looking for anyone who ever had a similar experience. Please tell me your opinion of the situation and how did it work out? How long did it last? Anyway, If you know what I'm talking about just give me some sort of reaction. Thanks all

Answer 1

Yes, of course it is. The phrase "forsaking all others" in the marriage vows does not mean that you are obligated to deny yourself the pleasure of loving someone else. And what kind of loving spouse would want you to deny yourself ANYTHING?

The institution of marriage is screwed up and bass-ackwards. It is highly illogical to cut off all channels of love except for one, the day you get married. I mean sure, you're still "allowed" to love your parents, immediate family, etc., but what's wrong with just loving anybody you want, period? If you love your spouse, you want them to be happy, and you want them to have their fill of love and then some. If he/she would keep that from you, he/she doesn't love you.

And one other thing; I think that loving someone else in addition to your spouse makes you a more loving person, and thus a better husband/wife. Monogamy is an antiquated tradition that doesn't serve any purpose or improves anyone's life. It is just self-imposed denial of love, for nothing.

Answer 2

Yes. I'm a single guy and have dated married couples for about 22 years now. It gives me great pleasure to help hubby make his wife feel good, yet not become more involved than just as a friend. I like being single and have never had children, so this type of arrangement works great for me. Since I've traveled for a living since graduating college, and been dating people who have open marriages, it works for me.
Do not confuse monogamy with true fidelity or love. Many people are naturally loving people and you are probably one of those folks. Don't let others who have hate within them alter your way of thinking. You can love a lot of people in a lifetime.
In virtually all cases of married couples I dated, it's very clear that the husband and wife are the best of friends and enjoy sharing their sexuality, and not sharing their faithfulness and commitment to each other. Communication is the key to a long-lasting and successful relationship, be it friendship or something more.
In my opinion, monogamy is highly overrated and communication is highly underrated. So yes, you can certainly put your spouse first and still love many others.
Good luck and I think since you are asking these tough questions, you will be just fine. Never be afraid of exploring your true needs as someone who truly loves you wants nothing more than for you to be you.

Answer 3

Yes of course you can love your spouse and love someone else.

I don't think there's exactly one person for everyone... that would make it incredibly hard to find that person, no? So its only natural that at some point you meet someone that you fall in love with... most likely for different reasons than why you love your own spouse.

In my own case (which is ongoing)... we're both married. Its important to honor and respect that; there's no cheating, no secret phone calls... nothing that anyone would think is improper. Also, we don't talk about it in such terms. When we get together (via work), its more a twinkle in the eye, the brightness of the smile... the topic of conversation. It bubbles beneath the surface yet never quite comes out. I think we'll both do our best to ensure it never will.

Answer 4

Yes, it's possible. I wasted six years of my life with my husband's former best friend. He treated me like dirt, but my self-esteem, at that time, was so low that I let him treat me that way. I would call and cry to who is now my husband about everything. He wouldn't judge, but he would just listen. We have been together for almost nine years now, married six, and have an 11 mo. old baby girl. I couldn't be happier!! If I could have done things over, I would have been with my husband MUCH sooner as he waited for me. He knew that someday we would be together and purposely didn't date until I dumped the jerk that I was previously with!

Answer 5

YES, you can love another! Normally this turns out to be someone from you past that you did not do all the checking into or take the time to know in a personal way. Now you regret it and that feeling will be with you for alltime!

Answer 6

According to my husband it is possible (since he had an affair) At the time I thought it wasn't possible to love more than one person. (it lasted about 7 months and he is back with me now - she has married someone and moved out of state)

Now, that I am older (and wiser haha) I think it is possible - I actually have never cheated (with another guy) on my husband, but have met someone who I could see myself falling in love with - but still love my husband. I think you love everyone differently - like I of course love my parents and husband and kids and pets all differently. Help that helps!?!?!?

Answer 7

Yes.....I was married and in love with another (she was also married)---the reason being...I simply married the wrong person!! Well...I saw the "other" lady for about 4 years...never got caught!!! Reasons being...I simply did not care!!! Well...she decided to stay with her abusive, alcoholic husband...and I---being miserable...separated and divorced my insensitive, rude spouse!! I am alone...but much happier!!! For I was MORE alone with her...than without anyone...hope this makes sense. You know...we are only given one life here on Earth and I am a firm believer in we should be happy!!! Forget those "bible thumpers" who preach to us this and that...yet...in private, they live more corrupt lives than one could imagine! Go with your heart and weigh the pros and cons of each...Best wishes:)

Answer 8

Of course it is possible. When we marry, we make an oath to be faithful and true in our love to that one person.
I don't recall a pledge to not love another in addition to my spouse!
Having experienced this, it was impossible to not reduce my loving relationship with another woman to a stereo-typed affair.

Answer 9

I think that it's possible, but wouldn't classify it as the same kind of love. Your spouse (well, at least mine) is a deep-seated love, that is to my core.

But there can definately exist strong feelings for others - that aren't lust - in addition to that.

Answer 10

you can love 2 people at once , but all it does is tear you apart, you have a war within yourself constantly , and you resent both men in the end. and most likely try to break it off several times with both of them , i did that , besides it makes you feel like your everybodys woman. and in the end it never works out . i ended up going back to my hubby