My other has lied to me on a consistant basis, and now wants me to believe everything he says to me. I'm finding it almost impossible to trust anything that comes from his mouth. This of course is causing a lot of issues. He blames me for not trusting him, and I think he's made it that way.
He doesn't seem to be putting any effort into this and i'm not sure if i'm the one at fault because I always accuse him of lying.
Any ideas on what I should do?
2006-07-05 06:14:44 · 10 answers · asked by kashious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you loose your trust in someone the problem is not yours and the answer to re-building that trust is very complicated. For one, trust is something that a person earns. It also takes a long time to build trust, especially if someone has broken that trust before. A person earns your trust through their actions and behavior. If someone lies to you then it may take years of them not lying to you before you can really let yourself trust them again and believe them at face value. Don't let someone who has broken your trust make this problem about you. They are the ones who chose the action that made you loose trust in them and it is now up to them to put in the time and effort to regain your trust through their actions and behavior. If they can't accept that then maybe they aren't deserving of your trust or a place in your life.
2006-07-05 06:23:50 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time can only tell. Don't expect it to be solved within a month or two or even a year. For some people trust takes years to build or a few truthful situations.
I had recently gone through the same issue with my husband. I learned one reason why men lie. They are afraid of losing their wives/girlfriends...or they are afraid of the reaction you might give if he told the truth. For whatever reason, I don't agree in lies. There is no need for lies in any relationship unless it is life and death.
You are probably hurt by the caught lies and can't seem to believe him when he tells you certain things. Chances are you're still hurt by it and it is HE that needs to make the effort to make you feel that you can trust him again. For women, it's the little things that count but men tend to look at the big picture and fixing the big picture doesn't get rid of the little problems.
Don't know if I even helped or made any sense but I was able to rebuild the trust and I'm sure you will be able to one day. Anything is possible if you work at it.
2006-07-05 13:24:43 · answer #2 · answered by jade11378 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is rebuilt by action. If he lies and you catch him in it ( a taped conversation if he has a faulty memory) Ask him why he lied. Then tell him if he wants you to trust him then he has to prove to you that the things he says are not a lie. Like if he says he is going to be at a place at a certain time then he calls from that place. Not sure what kinda lies his been telling. Your not at fault and if he can't stop the lies then you have to make a choice to live with him and his lies or move on to someone else.
2006-07-05 13:22:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, I could have posted this question myself. Rebuilding Trust isn't something easy to do. Right now for me, I am taking it one day at a time. Like you, my husband blames me, because I am constantly questioning him but he was the one that lead me to that position. I would do normal things like going into the garage where he was working on something to see if he needed anything and just to take a break and see how my husband was doing, nothing else ever entered my mind. Then it was him that kept say " Why do you keep checking up on me?" That never entered my mind, that I was "Checking up on Him" but with him continually saying it, it lead me to believe that maybe he was doing something that he didn't want me to know, why else would he think I was "Checking up on Him". Like I said right now I am taking it one day at a time but I told him that if he really wants me to trust him again that he was going to have to prove it to me, go above and beyond keeping anything from me and I told him if I asked him where he was or where he was going and he got mad - that he was failing, because to me getting mad meant he has something to hide. So in answer to your question, only you will know when and if you can trust them again and that is by their actions and how they respond back to you. Good luck.
2006-07-05 13:37:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy is he good!!!! You're feeling guilty because he lies to you and now you don't trust him? Why do you want to go through this stuff? He's not worth it. Get a spine and move on to a better life.
2006-07-05 13:20:01 · answer #5 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously theres a reason youre not trusting him so its not your fault for one. so what u need now is many things, honesty, some trust to build on, communication, commitment, and of course time to heal it all together. good luck
2006-07-05 15:46:20 · answer #6 · answered by cornholio9631 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not rebuild trust "For: him. He has to do it. Sweetie if you can not turst him honestly then you really don't want him. You'll have a long miserable life ahead of you.
2006-07-05 13:33:12 · answer #7 · answered by Celtic Tejas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be Honest with each other and talk about it.
You both need some communication
2006-07-05 13:22:15 · answer #8 · answered by lisette_m_2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant, once its broke thats it.without 100%trust, you have nothing .
2006-07-05 13:20:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should seek counselling .go with her and help her through this difficult time.
2006-07-05 13:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by atahsina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋