My hubby of lets his exwife talk trash about me, and bar me from my stepkids' functions. What should I do?

Question

My husband of 6 yrs. lets his ex-wife talk trash about me, his mother smiles in my face during visits and then speed dials the ex-wife when we leave and proceeds to talk crap about me with her. I am barred from my stepchildren's functions, including extracurricular. The children would love for me to attend with their 4 yr old half sister. His 3 kids spend the night every weekend from Saturday to Sunday and he is with them for everything like school performances and the like. The children have known me for 6 yrs and they are 8 (twins) and 11 right now. We have a 4 year old together, and have been married for 6 yrs. in December 2006. What should be done? I have asked him countless times to defend me and stop the scathing and hurtful remarks being made against me by his family and exwife. He says he is handling it but they do not stop. Please help, as I am ready to call it quits. Divorce is what I am looking to.

Thanks to everyone who voiced their opinion. My husband checked the history when he came home and went irate. He says that I am writing lies about him on the web. So tired of erasing the history after everything that I do online. Anyways, your opinions made me stronger. I thank you all graciously.

When he is on the phone with his ex, I ask him to let me listen in on the conversations when I feel it involves me, but he always moves away so that I cannot hear certain things being said. A week ago, she got his accounts frozen by not paying off a bad debt that he cosigned for and we were forced to pay $700 from our joint account. I wanted to listen in on the conversation with her about the cash we paid, but he began yelling at me and cursing me.

Answer 1

Divorce is always your last result....but anyways I know how family can get like this...my mom went through the same thing when she married my stepfather who had been previously married with no kids but was used to supporting his family back in the Virgin Islands sending money every month...but when he got married and start sending money occasionally his family started tripping...tryed to hook him up with a old girlfriend behind my mothers back, talked about her and start disowning him when he defended her......but my mother has always been fiesty, letting no one run over her....so you need to confront your mother in law and the ex-wife and show them you are serious and they are being very imature. And that ex-wife you need to set limits with her (you and your husband) she shouldnt be calling your house in less it concerns the childeren not to chat about her day with "your" husband. Second you need to leave them alone ignore them hold your head high act like it dont fade you, cause your a lady. Stay your distants but never fall to there level.. thats pure ghetto project drama...and talk to your husband about him letting them negative talk about you around him if he really wanted them to stop he could make them..they'd probably still talk about you but not when he around(he probably be like 'O THATS NOT TRUE" OR YOULL KNOW YOULL NEED TO STOP") b/c most men dont wanna start another situation but he needs to put his foot down and get serious with them...b/c i know if you or his ex-wife disrespected his mother he'll go mad...so you need to confront him...good luck

Answer 2

Just saw your addendum.... WoW... Hmmm.... All I can say is YOU cannot control anybody else besides YOU. You can't tell your husband or his ex-wife to stop talking because if they really want to talk they would do it behind your back (if not already). The best thing for you to do right now is to think deep within yourself and look at YOU and see if ALL of this is worth dealing with. If you look deep enough and see that nothing's really there between them and your husband is just trying to help, see if you can help too. I mean, don't let your husband carry all this stuff on his own. If you do it this way, you will have a clean hands and also look good on the other side, plus the ex-wife might think twice on talking smack about you cuz you're being nice and understanding. If it's the opposite, then the last resort is to get outta there. I mean if you think that it's not worth fighting for and understanding everything that is happening right now then go. But if you do that, it will look like that you gave up so easy.. I sy hang in there.... try to understand it more... Be there not as a wifee, but a friend... Wish you goodluck...

Answer 3

Divorce is not an option if you ask me.
I know it hurts when someone especially your husband wont stand for you because he the MAN who suppose to protect you physically and emotinally.
Instead he just let the things pass by just like that. I sense he probably just want to be one natural party and hate to be confrontational especailly toward his mother, family and ex wife etc.
You need to step up a little bit more and talk to husband that as a breadwinner and husband he should defend you regardless. Name calling, slagging and trashing you as a wife and mother to his childrean are not acceptable.
In addition, you should also ignore all the slagging and avoid the situation at all cost from now. You may want to be part of his kids from his previous marriage but it is impossible. You have the job to make sure not to put yourself in any situations involving his ex so that your self-worth and motivation are not tarnished and be hurt easily. If they want to continue, please themselves. You need to set your bar higher than they are not be in the same standards and nobody could bring you down. They just want to distract and test you. Show that you are not affected and nobody could make you sad. Behave normally. Concerntrate with your own kids, life and avoid having to be in the situation the same with them if you have too! Explain to your hubby that you dont want to go family functions/be part of this madness! You just want to be accepted as a wife and enjoy as a family. Thats all u ask. Hope he will get the clue!

Answer 4

Write out a few things: first all the frustration; then list 2 things that you need done by both-too see the step-kids 2x a week, etc.; and finally let them know if this is not done then you will have to look into legal help. Always stress the needs of the kids to be united and to be there for each other. Godd Luck!

Answer 5

The ex-wife he has no control over whatsoever. He can try his best with his family but he has no control over them anyway....My wife's family hates me...For no apparent reason.. so my wife simply does not see them as often as she used to.. I never attend her family functions. The way i see it, it is not my wife's fault. Even if she doesn't defend me, and she has at times, they still hold the same opinions of me even though Ive been nothing but nice to them. You need to stop blaming your husband and start blaming the people who talk trash about you..Why do you want to be around these people anyway?.. You have nothing to lose refusing to see them. If your husband has a problem with you refusing to go over to his family's house to get ragged on and talked about behind your back, then you need to tell him to take care of it. And i am sure he will find a way to.

Answer 6

I know that feeling. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. His first baby momma did not like me. His 10 year Old talked d daughter was not nice to me she would call me a dog when he was not around. Always talk about her mother. I was not allowed to go to her recitals or bday parties. When I meet her she had told my boyfriend all she wanted was to see how I looked like. She never talked to me. Anyways as time kept passing by I had enough of her ****. I have a baby she is 3 months old. When I became pregnant I had left him because it was too difficult to deal with his baby momma. Currently he is now with her. You can email me if you want.

Answer 7

If your husband really cared about your feelings, he'd talk to the mother and ex wife. As far as the extracurricular stuff, its a free country, you can go were you please. its not like she can call the cops and have you removed from watching. Talk to your husband about counseling. If he refuses, I say start the divorce papers because it sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings at all. Good luck.

Answer 8

been there, done that...u need to have another serious talk with your husband...and if he does not see your side of the problem then it is time for u to move on...how can he not be on your side and defend you..how could he not want all of his kids together at family functions and extracellular activities..what kind of father is he?.....not a real good one if he can't see a wedge brewing between u and the family..he's married to u now....so everyone need to respect u and your ideas

Answer 9

talk to the ex wife. tell her how much you love the kids and want to be with them. if she doesnt listen then dont invite her on your parties, dont invite the kids to your house or take your kids out when they come. it sounds harsh but do it. the ex needs a wake up call. as for the mother, when she comes, lock all the phones. be very sweet with your hubby but teach these two bi@hs a lesson

Answer 10

your husband needs to confront his ex and her family to stand up for you! he should know that you (his wife) comes first in his life now...

have you tried to confront his ex yourself to ask her what problem she has with you? maybe?? you, him, and the ex can have a meeting/vent session to express whats on everybodies mind and clear the air and come to some sort of resolution to the issue. i know that might be kind of far fetched right now being as though immature people are involved. if not, the marriage and children will continue to be affected by the ex-wife's immaturity.

i think i'm getting ahead of myself, none of this will happen until hubby stands up to his ex on your behalf!