How do we know when the other person we are talking with has truly understood what we are trying to say?

Question

Communication skills in this day and age are becoming more important to everyone and many times they are crucial. How can we be sure that the person we are talking with has conceived or envisioned in their mind the concept or idea that we have formed in our minds?

And the other way, how do we know we understood what the other person is trying to say?

Answer 1

Ok take my advice, because I have to do this like everyday LOL.

First to know if the other person has understood you, you first have to establish that the person heard you clearly to begin with. Once you know they can hear you, then you can move on to listening. If they are actually listening to you, you can tell because they will attempt to understand what you are saying. Even if they are not clear in their understanding, at least they are listening.

I have a sayin’
There is: hearing, listening, understanding, over standing, accepting, and agreeing.

You do not have to listen to be able to hear, you do not have to understand to listen (so it’s annoying when people accuse people of not listening even though they did, they’re just still confused because of the understanding LOL), you DO have to be able to understand before you can over stand and vice versa. You DO NOT have to accept it even though you may understand it and even listened… listening doesn’t mean the person will openly accept your view. Even if one chooses to accept it, doesn’t mean they will agree with you either. Um, but to over stand one would have to at least accept aspects of the argument/information they just might not FULLY agree with it. However just because they don’t agree doesn’t mean they haven’t done all the rest that have taken place before hand as listed above.

Ok now that, that understanding has been established…

To make sure some one understood you, you ask them for feed back… usually this means they will either give you a question so they can make them selves more clear on the subject that is being discussed or they will give you an opinion. Either way, question or opinion, their response will show how much understanding they seem to have. If the response seems to show lack of understanding to you, simply rephrase the subject at hand in a different way as ask for their feed back once again or ask them why they think that or have them tell you in their own words what they think you were sayin’ to them.

If it is not clear if they have understood you yet just keep giving examples of the subject that you want them to understand and keep rephrasing it to them in clearer and clearer ways that they are able to comprehend/understand.

This maybe annoying at first for one or both parties but in the end it will pay off. MAKE sure that you are NOT confusing understanding with acceptance or agreeing. If you mix it up with those two then you will only agitate yourself and the other person(s) involved.

Take for instance I’m not very good at understanding stuff, unless it’s set out very clear to me. When I do understand it though I have the choice of accepting it and even deciding if I agree with it or not. It ticks me off the most when someone accuses me of either not listening or not understanding when I really DO, I just don’t agree!!! Then we get all hot headed over nothing, because the other person didn’t know that I did listen or understand till later, and FINALLY realizes I JUST DO NOT agree with them LOL. It can be a pain in the but.

However, if you are able to establish the above that I’ve mentioned then you maybe well on your way to meaningful conversations with all types of people, and that is what communication is all about.

Hope this HELPED!
Me and my BF have to do this ALL the time, because I’m kinda slow on pickin’ up some things LOL (I’d admit it LOL). I get easily confused just by misinterpreting word meanings and tone, so we really have to WORK hard on the “do we both understand each other” part LOL.
;-)

Oh yeah, by the way…
First you have to know that you are on common ground…
IF they wont even listen to you then there is no point.
Take fore instance, there is some men who are so sexist that they will not listen to anything intelligent that any woman has to say. In this case you have to know what type of mentality or culture you are in with the person who you are trying to participate with. In this case there is no point, they need to work on their personal issues before even interacting with society, until then you can’t even reach understanding with them, if you’re desperate you can send a representative in for ya that they identify with and then them two can have a meaningful conversation.
;-)

Oh and do what "bigmama" said...
c0z I learn better with pictures and hands on ;-)
sometimes I'll get it with words, but if it's too complicated pictures and hands on REALLY works for me (ppls different learnin' stylez m0n)

Answer 2

When the other person gives you a reply which is right on target.
You may have to ponder this person's reply for a while, but after so doing, you will realize that it is the best possible answer, whether it is what you wanted to hear, something you thought that person might say, or it could be something totally unexpected, which, upon reflection, you realize is absolutely correct.
Also, as in business, some things take time to be effectively grasped & analzyed, and, likewise, it may take time for you to receive a good reply or rebuttal.

Answer 3

When my husband actually puts down the t.v. remote and looks in my directions or when my son slows down on his way out the door and says I'll be back by ___(whatever time I said)___. *L*
Sorry, I couldn't resist. At least once a day I say "NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME!" Sometimes it's about daily minutia, but other times it's a big deal... like the brakes on my car. I have two VERY mechanically inclined people in my household... one of whom I spent a lot of money on for certification and I don't think I should have to pay some else to fix my brakes. I bought brake pads, told him where they were, asked him how much he'd charge me and wrote him a check and I'm still driving around on screaming brakes!
What must high school teachers feel? I'd go bonkers?

Answer 4

Ask , "how do you see it" if the answer back is not sufficient tell again how you see it then ask again about certain aspects you think they may not be getting.
I guess the answer is more specific communication, which is easily accomplished throught the technology of today. Make a picture, write a letter, or e-mail, make a chart, act it out.
Understanding others, repeat back in your own interpretation what they have communicated and ask, "Is this what you meant?"

Answer 5

When they agree with me.

Haha. Actually, that's what makes the world go round. You have to keep working it over - and even then it may be impossible.

Um... is that the answer you're looking for? Hahaha - I'm witty, aren't I?

Answer 6

Ask them how they would explain what you just said to someone else. Their answer will tell you if they have got it. If they tell it back correctly ask them what they really think about it.

When you are trying to understand someone else say "Let me make sure I understand you clearly" and then repeat back to them in your own words what you think they are trying to convey. Their response to your statement will tell you if you got the point.

Answer 7

In a society like this? Hard NOT to get your point across. The real concern is how do you get around them acting like they didn't hear you!

Answer 8

I talk to myself all day and I understand where I am coming from....I think my medication needs adjusted sometimes though.

Answer 9

I use a tool called "reflecting." I will say, "can you please repeat what I haev just said, so i am sure you understand?"
I will also, say"Okay, let me repeat what you have said up to this point to make sure I am understanding."

Answer 10

By asking the other person if theyr'e stupid, and if you don't know if you understood the other person then your'e stupid.