i am a first time mom of a 10 month old and i love him so much and everyone says i'm a great mom,very caring and patient with him and sensitive to his needs, but sometimes i don't even feel like i'm a mother. what i mean is, like, if he's asleep and i go into the bedroom for something, i'm surprised that he is there,like i have never seen him before in my life. and although most of the time i feel okay, at least once a week i feel so depressed that i cry and when my husband asks me what is the matter, i can't tell him because i don't even know what is the matter with me, and sometimes i'll get mad at my husband for no reason at all. it's like i can't control it, it just crashes over me like a wave.has anyone esle had this happen to them, and if so, could you tell me how to help it? when my husband see's that i am not feeling well, he'll take the baby to give me a break,but when he does that i feel worse. please, any advise? i hate feeling like this!
2006-07-05 05:16:23 · 16 answers · asked by littlewind 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
i know everybody will say to talk with my dr., but we only make enough money for health care for the baby, i was needing advice for things me and the family could do at home, because although its me with the problem, it is effecting everyone else
2006-07-05 05:30:50 · update #1
There are some real issues with post pardum depression after having a child.
Post Partum Depression can strike about a week to ten days after your child is born. Your child birth instructor or doctor may describe it as the "Baby Blues" or tell you that you may feel a "little down". Unfortunately, for some women Post Partum Depression can be more extreme than feeling a little down. If you happen to be one of the many women who experience more intense depression, anxiety, insomnia or lack of interest in your infant, there are some steps you can take to help you through this incredibly trying experience.
*Get Plenty of Exercise: Studies have shown that exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of PPD. Make sure you only do exercises that have been approved by your OBGYN depending on your delivery. Regardless or the type of delivery you had, there will be some exercises you are permitted to engage in no matter how small they may seem. Even a little exercise can help boost your seratonin levels which will help with symptoms of PPD.
*Get As Much Rest As Possible: Getting adequate rest is no small feat when an infant is involved, especially if the child has colic or there are older siblings in the house. This is the time to accept any and all help offered to you. Don’t be a martyr. If someone offers to help take some of the load off your back, take them up on it! Getting enough rest also requires knowing when to let things go. Let your spouse or other family member help with chores for the first few weeks, and sometimes you just have to let things slide. The laundry will be there waiting after you’ve had a little nap.
*Talk About Your Feeling: Not speaking your mind can exacerbate the symptoms of PPD. If you are feeling particularly stressed, frazzled or weepy—talk about it. Tell your spouse exactly how you feel. If you need some time alone, turn the baby over for an hour or so and do something for yourself. Take a hot bath, read a good book, or watch a favorite TV show. Simply expressing yourself and letting those feelings out can make you feel better. Taking time for yourself can do wonders for a new mother who is feeling overwhelmed.
*Talk To Your Physician: If your symptoms seem to be getting worse or last longer than two weeks, talk to your physician. Some women take longer to get over PPD, especially if they happen to have a more severe case. Some women will require medication to get past this hurdle. Although the number is among the lesser frequent cases, it still exists. You must treat PPD the way you would any other illness. If you need help, seek it out. Now is not the time to take more on your shoulders.
*Call A Hotline: Most major hospitals have a resource for women who have just given birth. This information will be given to you either after the birth or possible before by your physician. Take advantage of these hotlines to speak to experienced counselors who will be able to offer you more than a shoulder to cry on. They can help you talk through you feelings and possibly evaluate your situation to determine if you need to take further steps.
2006-07-05 05:23:12 · answer #1 · answered by Sir Greggath 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you're having a rough time. I have a 2 & 1/2 year old and a 1 year old and I can say that I think I kind of know how you feel. Well I can't say that I ever looked at the babies and felt like I didn't know them but I really did feel emotional and moody towards my husband for a long time after the birth of both kids and did feel very angry at him for reasons I don't even know why. Having kids changes you in so many ways that you can't anticipate until it actually happens. For some reason my husband and I fight alot now that we have kids and we never fought before. Honestly, although I hate to admit this, after my first daughter was born I actually suddenly felt almost like I didn't even love my husband anymore-the only way I can explain it is that the love I felt for my child was so strong and it seemed liked nothing else could compare to it. I realize now that it is just two different kinds of love. If I didn't have him. we wouldn't have our girls. He is a wonderful man and father. I think hormones just make us a little crazy !! Oh-also-I always felt so bogged down like I needed a break from the kids and then my husband would take them and give me a break but then I felt like no one can take care of them the "right" way so I end up with them again. The same goes for sleep-you need a nap and your husband watches the kids so you can try and get some sleep but you either hear them crying the whole time because no one can comfort them like mommy can or you just can't sleep thinking about everything-or you just feel like a jerk because you think "youre the mom and you should be doing it".Being a mom is very hard but it does get better. Try to set aside time for just you and your husband it's important. An important thing that other women feel at times that I never experienced is harming the baby-if you ever feel that way get help right away please. Don't be ashamed-get help if that happens. I just want you to know that you are not alone and this stuff happens to alot of us mom's. Best of luck to you.
ps-i forgot to say that you really do need time for yourself as well-even if it's hard for you. Do things by yourself or with your friends and get out of the house without your baby. As hard as it was for me to accept doing that, I've found that it really does help me. I work part tim-3 days a week and look very forward to getting out and being around adults. It makes me a better mom and person
2006-07-05 05:33:24 · answer #2 · answered by Nikki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your doctor. It sounds like you are either exhausted or overwhelmed at everything that is required for you to do as a Mom? These are clear syptoms of post-partum depression which is very common for a new Mom to experience within the 1st year. Don't feel bad...it happens.
Are you a stay-at-home Mom? That made things soooooooo much worse for me. I felt that I needed to change diapers, clean, and do laundry all day everyday. You need to get out of the house and do something fun once in awhile or you are going to continue to feel this way. Does your baby have grandparents that can watch your son so you and your husband can go on a date once a month? Or...just take your baby for a drive during the day.....it's great and it will give you a chance to get some fresh air. I would definetly talk to your doctor about this though. There's low-dose medications that can help. Good Luck!
2006-07-05 05:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The depression is not uncommon. It is likely post-pardum depression. The anger towards your husband is natural too. You are under a lot of stress with a baby and it takes a lot out of you. I am still young and have not had a child, but I do suffer from depression at times, and the anger, the loniless, the confusion, and the feeling of helplessness are all real symptoms and while they are not what is supposed to happen in a perfect world, they are not unusual. It is good that you are here trying to get help. I think you should talk to your doctor, tell him/her what you are feeling and how you feel like you can't control it. Be strong and be honest with those around you, especially your husband. Hopefully he will understand that you are doing everything you can and that this is out of your control.
As far as feeling like you are not his mother I am going to assume this is your first child. Babies can seem like miracles, and how it came from one act that you now have this person who will grow up and become a real human being, well maybe it is a miracle. I think it's perfectly natural to be amazed and surprised by him.
Good luck and if you can't talk to your doctor or husband, find someone . There are online forums, groups, your close friends... Don't keep your feelings to youself.
2006-07-05 05:30:48 · answer #4 · answered by Krys 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could have a mild case of post partum depression. It does not only happen within the first few months of having a baby. It can last for years. Although I am not a fan of pills, I believe that may be your best option. Go to your Dr. and tell him what is going on and he can give you some medicine to help. Some thing like an anti depressant. It is just a hormone imbalance in your body from having a baby.
2006-07-05 05:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by LuckyWife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After you have a baby your hormones go through quite a rollar coaster ride. If you have had your period return your hormones are probably fairly balanced out by now. If you have not, then you may be experiencing hormonal problems. Postpartum depression is not uncommon, but can become serious and affect the quality of life for a family. Talk to your doctor about your symptoms- you may need some medication temporarily, but your life with your new baby is worth it!
2006-07-05 05:35:19 · answer #6 · answered by grace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are perfectly well, and that IS normal. Many women can not retrieve their hormonal balance after giving birth for a very long time, and that usually manifests as a depression. Hormones are responsible for your moods, as for not feeling like mother, that is just a faze... after all, you have recently changed your life completely, and being a mother is not a role a person can just "slip into" without any disturbance. You just wait, your problem will disappear very soon, and when you become mom for second time, you probably wont even have it.
Wish you all the best.
2006-07-05 05:29:50 · answer #7 · answered by Lalasamayi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like you could have postpartum depression. The symptoms you are explaining sound very typical of postpartum depression. PPD can hit at any time during the first year after baby's birth, even when baby is already 10 months old. There are other mothers out there who have been through what you are going through. I know of a yahoo!group that was created to help support mothers through postpartum depression, here is the link : http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/postpartum_depression
2006-07-05 05:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is normal and is called: Postpartum depression.
But, I am a little worry that you still have it after 10 months of having your baby...most of the times it goes away by itself in a few months, but do not worry, each case is different.
I recommend to you to go and visit your doctor, so that he can recommend to you the best to get over it and so that you can enjoy much better this very special time in your life with your baby and your husband.
2006-07-05 05:23:22 · answer #9 · answered by Angeles G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many women get post-partum depression, so you could say it is not that abnormal.
After saying that, though, I strongly reccommend that you see a counsellor or your OBGYN (if s/he listens to you), because it can cause problems for you and your family,
2006-07-05 05:23:17 · answer #10 · answered by Nosy Parker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋