Anyone know any good jokes. They can be dirty, i dont care. i just want a good laugh.
2006-07-05 05:08:30 · 16 answers · asked by BurntBeneathSun♥ 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
A blonde is sitting on the floor of her living room trying to start a jigsaw puzzle. After some time, she decides she can't do it alone. She calls her boyfriend and says, "Can you come over, I'm trying to do a jigsaw but I don't know how to start it." Her boyfriend replies, "What is it supposed to be?" She answers, “From the picture on the box, I think it's supposed to be a tiger." The boyfriend comes over and looks down at the puzzle. He says, "Okay, to be honest with you, there is no way we will EVER get this to resemble a tiger. Let's just go and get a cup of coffee and we can clean up the frosted flakes later."
A bartender was working one day when a group of blondes enter the bar. They order a couple drinks and gather around a table chanting "51 days! 51 days!" Soon another group of blondes enter the bar and do the same, all the while chanting "51 days! 51 days!" The bartender became confused but didn't bother asking. Soon another blonde walks in with some sort of picture under her arm and joins the rest. The bartender becomes very curious so he waits until the shouting dies down and walks over to the table. The picture he saw was a children’s puzzle that was glued to cardboard. He asks what was with all the chanting. A blonde answers, "The box of this puzzle says 2-4 yrs. we finished it in 51 days!!"
2006-07-05 17:48:08 · answer #1 · answered by fairyqueen 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So there is this blonde right? And she needs money. So she decides to become a handywoman in a rich neighboorhood.
She goes up to the first house and knocks on the door. A man comes out. She asks him, "Do you have any jobs for me today??"
He replies, "Why yes, I do. I would like you to paint my porch. The paint is right over there and I will pay you when you are finished."
She agrees, and gets to work.
1/2 hour later, she knocks on the man's door again. He opens it and says, "Wow, your done already? That was fast."
So he pays her the money, amazed that she could have painted his whole porch in such short a time.
The blonde accepts the money and is just about to leave when she turns around and says, "Oh yea, Mr. you were wrong. It's not a Porsch, its a Ferrari."
2006-07-05 12:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friends dad, told me this one.
This man came home to find that his dog Fluffy was dead, but he refused to believe it. So he took the dog to the vet.
The doctor said, "No I'm sorry, but Fluffy is dead,"
"No. I just know he's not dead. Can you do some test,"
"Okay," the doctor answered. So he had the cat come out and walk on top of Fluffy going back and fourth. After it was finished the doctor. "No. I'm sorry, but Fluffy is dead,"
Yet again the man refused to believe his dog was dead. "Is there something else can you try, please. I just know he's not gone,"
"Alright,," The doctor then had a lab come out that walked around the Fluffy. After it was finished. "No I'm sorry but Fluffy is dead,"
"Oh, alright. I guess your right,"
"Okay, you owe me 500 dollars,"
"What? What for?'
"Well 300 for the cat scan and 200 for the lab test,'
2006-07-05 12:18:35 · answer #3 · answered by Linds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does a phone give to another phone in valentines day.
Answer: A ring. Get it a ring to engage
2006-07-05 12:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this one is dirty. lol. a first grader was riddling me today. this one she caught me on
What did the macaroni say to the tomato?
Don't get saucy with me.
i had guessed...hi i'm macaroni
2006-07-05 15:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by its ME !!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did one man say when he say a starburst?
AH, A BLACK HOLE!
Sorry, I'm not that good at jokes.
2006-07-05 12:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to beliefnet.com, and sign up for their religious joke of the day. you'll find plenty of hilarious ones there, as you receive one every day in your mailbox.
2006-07-05 12:14:34 · answer #7 · answered by imagineworldwide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A drunk got sick and threw up all over his brand new shirt. He told the bartender "My wife's gonna kill me...(hic')..I juss got drunk and threw up all over my brann-new shirt!"
The bartender said "Nope, I've seen this happen a hundred times. Take $20 out of your wallet, put it in your shirt pocket and tell her the guy sitting NEXT to you got sick, threw up, and gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned. Works every time."
The guy staggered home and his wife immediately started on him "Just look at you, you drunk slob! You got sick and threw up all over your brand new shirt!"
He said "No I din't. The guy sitting NEXT to me did and gave me $20 to get my shirt cleaned".
The wife reached in his shirt pocket and said "But there's $40 here!"
The guy said "I know...he **** in my pants, too!"
2006-07-05 12:16:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me go get a mirror no i am kidding
2006-07-05 12:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. My name is george. I come in peace. I am so cool. I rock your sox, even though you don't know it yet.
2006-07-05 12:13:09 · answer #10 · answered by Hermione G. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋