I have a major problem, and I would appreciate some advice.
My husband and I have been married almost 6 months. His family is very "involved" in our relationship. Every decision my husband and I make together, his family undermines! For example: We were going to buy a second car for my husband to use for work. He and I decided we really couldn't afford the new car, and it would be better if I could drop him off at the Tri-Rail station every morning and he could use that to travel to work (he works in a city about 30 miles south of the city we live in). It seemed like a great solution because the train drops him about 2 blocks from his job.
However, TODAY he told his parents that and they said it was dangerous, just buy a car, your older brother is going to come and get you to take you shopping for a car today. WHAT?!? I am so mad right now! Why is his family deciding that WE are buying a car now? AND why is his family picking out the car WE are going to have? help...
2006-07-05 05:01:40 · 16 answers · asked by Stephanie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you and your husband both needs to tell them to back off. Stop treating you both like little kids You two are adults, and what ya'll do is both of your business. Let them know where to draw the line.
He needs to let them know, he is not a child anymore. He is a grown man, with a mind of his own. That you and him both, don't need to go into debt. He needs to put his foot now, and say no means no.
You have one life to live, and don't need others to control it. don't let him sit on the back burner, while his family stepping all over him.
2006-07-05 05:14:49 · answer #1 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not stand your ground with the in-laws? Talk to your husband in private that it bothers you that his family gets involved. Tell him you understand they mean well but the decisions should only involve you and him if it pertains to your lives together. If it affects you in any way, you are entilted to a say.
Remember, his family is still his family. They've known him longer and believe they know what's best for him. Chances are they don't realize that when a person gets married, the next most important person is the spouse. Any rift between a couple will need to be resolved by two people alone. Just like when a decision is being made.
I feel for you, I've been married for 9 months and live with my husband's parents, sister/brother in law and their two boys. Luckily, I pointed out before we got married that I be involved in any issues that may arise which involveds either one of us. He's been gracious about that request and we have not come across any issue with his family yet...
2006-07-05 13:12:29 · answer #2 · answered by jade11378 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have seen and known about this BEFORE you married him. You probably thought he would change.
Consider the fact he has been with you a short time, and with his family a life time. He sounds young and immature.
You have a few options:
1)You need to get him into counseling. ( it may or may not help )
2)Accept his family running (ruining) your life's.
3)Prepare to leave the marriage in search of a man.
I did not see love mentioned anywhere in your synopsis.
Why did you marry him?
I assume you do not work. Was that a plus in the marriage?
Remember, you get what you pay for (at best).
2006-07-05 12:21:55 · answer #3 · answered by Nick R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE needs to tell his family not to send the brother to shop for a car and when the two of you are ready to buy another car both of you MIGHT need the brother's help if he knows a lot about buying cars
with the price of gas right now...we are going to do the same arrangement for job transportation
2006-07-05 12:08:30 · answer #4 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can they spend you two hard earn cash? then pick out the car? I definitely would'nt let them plan my money or my life he need to be a man and stop acting like a mamas, boy, dag that is a turn off. If I were you I would put ,my footdown and tell them what I will and will not do and tell you husband you married him not his family and you need a man to lead the house hold not a little boy.
2006-07-05 14:49:39 · answer #5 · answered by seeking 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you get married - you LEAVE your mother and father. This includes the family on both side.
If you consult them; you are asking for advice. If yo do not consult them; it's NONE of their business.
Sounds like you have weak mate, might be time for a serious confrontation with consequences - or like me - take enough and make comments until you have finally had it with the situation and then tell them ALL to go pound sand!
2006-07-05 12:25:56 · answer #6 · answered by Ron K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to stop telling his family anything about the 2 of you. You and him don't owe them an explanation for what you do. You're adults and don't need anyone's permission to buy a car or do anything else. These people cannot butt in and run your lives without permission.
2006-07-05 12:15:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
his is stuff you and your husband are letting his family do to your relationship. both of you should put your foot down with them as for as the car situation goes as long as they are willing to buy it and put it in your names i would let them since they think this is a better idea than yours i bet ones you tell them they will be paying for the car they will back off...
2006-07-05 12:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by luv41anatha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is allowing his family/parents to be too involved in his life and decisions which he should be making. He has not grown up and needs his parent's advise or involvement.
2006-07-05 12:05:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to stop asking them for advice, or telling them your business.
Did you marry a boy or a MAN? You, stay out of it however, you need to tell your husband to HANDLE HIS FAMILY. If you do not stop this now they'll be in your business FOREVER.
Good luck.
2006-07-05 12:09:02 · answer #10 · answered by pamspraises 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋