my boyfriend and I haven't made love in three weeks? what to do?

Question

its not him eveytime he tries I either fall alseep or just don't wan too, then I don't try after that and we don't do it.

Also I always seem to ask him why we aren't when really I think it is me. What is wrong? Any advice why this is going on?

Answer 1

Your comments suggest that you are stressed and/or tired. If, like many people, you are juggling a job(s) and kids, then it will be really hard for you to have any energy at the end of the day for passion. If this is the case, you need to figure out how you can give yourself a mini-vacation that relaxes you and shifts your mental "gears" from the stresses of your daily life to the possibilities of your love life.

Try to get more sleep every night. The chronically tired rarely feel sexy. Relax. Take a long, hot bath. Treat yourself to some sexy lingerie if you can. Get the grandparents or someone to take the kids for a few hours. Go to a nice restaurant and/or do a few other fun things as a couple out. Keeping safety in mind, turn out the lights and light up the candles around the house. You can create a sexy environment and a sexy mood within yourself. Have fun. And do not worry: even if you don't wind up having sex that night, a romantic evening is a wonderful experience to share with your partner. Enjoy your partner and yourself, take care of yourself, and do not worry about the results.

Answer 2

Set some time aside that you know you will both be awake and have time. Like right after work, before dinner, whatever. It sounds weird to plan sex, but sex can be a crucial part of a healthy relationship and that kind of passion has been proven to keep couples together better than anything else. So make sure it doesn't always get pushed off. You can do the dishes tomorrow, but if you guys aren't busy today, then go for it! Show each other that you care about one another. Have a romantic night out (or in) and just celebrate being together. That should patch up those 3 weeks.

PS: Some people on here really don't seem to understand. You guys DON'T sound like you're having a bad relationship, he DOESN'T hate you, and it DOESN'T mean you don't love him if you're just tired. It just means you're both busy and it's hard to fit in sometimes. I know exactly what you mean. My boyfriend and I have the same problem sometimes. So we just pick a day when we have the least stuff going on, and have an "us" day where we just spend the whole day together, alone, get some food, watch a movie, and just spend some quality time together.

Answer 3

How long have you been together ? What is your (real) level of intimacy ? What is the quality of your relationship ? How "in tune"are you two regarding your ideas, likes and dislikes? Has the relationship become routine? Those are rethorical questions but they could be a good place to start checking.

Assuming you are a girl, it is common to see women's interest in their mates dwindle once routine takes in. Man, on the other hand, are more prone to routine in a relationship and are disturbed by the constant pleas to go out for a dance on saturday night.

As chauvinistic as it may sound (and, it doesn't mean I agree with the idea), men like to rest after they have conquered their prey. they have gone through all extremes to get it, but once the meat's been eaten and the head is on the wall, all they want to is to be left alone, looking at the head and recalling how interesting that chase was ("the chase is better than the catch"). motivation only kicks in when it's time for another chase.

Women are just the opposite, when they start felling secure with a mate, that's the time they want to start trying out things and having real fun.

In a nutshell, men seek sex to relax, women only have sex if they are relaxed. Maybe you are feeling a little bit tense latelly. That's OK and doesn't mean that the problem is on you, it could mean that you don't find that "sparkle" in the relationship (as it is at the present moment) that would make you want it.

Answer 4

3 reasons could be leading to your problem:

1. you have something medically wrong like an estrogen imbalance and in that case i would go see a doctor (just to be sure).

2. you don't love him anymore and the spark died out, however, you can get creative and start "new sparks" by trying different things in the bedroom, get more romantic, more kinky, or allow him to give u more foreplay. However, if this fails i am afraid that the relationship did to. Because you can't be in love with someone without showing it at least once in a while!

3. I don't know your past history but maybe there is a mental block caused by a past trauma in your childhood? Being a therapist myself i have seen many couples who have sexual problems because one of them had been raped or molested and have kept it hidden. Then this person they are in love with reminds them of that trauma in some way and the "will" is no longer there. I know its hard to tell your partner how you truly feel or what happened to years ago, but if you want it to work out you MUST tell him or the relationship will fail.

a bonus possibility.. most women don't peak at there sexual libidio till 40 yrs old. It could simply be you are just not as horny as you were when you were teen and excited about new sexual experiences, know that you have "been there done that", your sexual feelings have wanned but will be back before u know it!

Good luck and i hope i helped you!

Answer 5

Are you on birth control? I know someone who's libido diminished a year after taking oral contraceptives. If not, are you depressed and taking mood enhancers? Not to say that "taking something is the root of your problem. Also, age could have something to do with decreased libido. Having a baby could be the reason, as could stress. I would suggest a process of elimination and figure out what you could eliminate from your life. Take your beau on a romantic picnic, dinner, whatever. Try eliminating the mundane, add some fire! As far as falling asleep, try a nightcap, do little things that work for you to get you in the mood. Take a bath--freshen up, use scents that remind you of romance--jasmine, vanilla, chocolate, etc. Watch a sexy movie, read a sexy story, write a sexy story (that could lead to "acting it out!" Whatever you do, if there aren't any medical reasons underlying, it's up to you. Try initiating more and more and eventually you will figure out exactly what works for you and your man.

Answer 6

Hello Dear,

Do you love him? Why don't you want to make love? Is there something in your mind? the reason i am asking you all those questions, that is because i know making love go by feelings, the way you feel about the person. Me, me and my man making love all most every 2 or 3 days we can't keep our hands in each other and we have been together for like 3 years now. So, i suggest you listen yourself and ask yourself why?

Answer 7

I think maybe you need to ask yourself what the problem is. If it's you that isn't in the mood most fo the time you have to figure out why, I know I've had that problem lately myself and I think it's too much stress in my head and it's hard for me to get into the mood. If you don't think it's stress it can be other things like maybe you're not attracted to him anymore, maybe you need more or different stimulation because you're immune to sex with him to this point.

Try and figure out what it is that's stopping you from getting into the mood and try and work through it. I hope things work out for you, good luck.

Answer 8

If the sex has been satisfying up to now and you just stopped suddenly, you might just be in a temporary slump due to outside circumstances (stress at work, etc.). In which case don't worry about it. It'll pass.

But if the sex has been steadily decreasing in frequency and satisfaction for some time, then it might be that the novelty of the relationship was keeping the sex going initially, but now the novelty has worn off and now it's time to work together with your boyfriend to make the sex more fun for the long-term.

Sex isn't just intercourse. People have different needs.

Some people like to schedule sex so they can plan ahead for it, while others like it to be a fun surprise.

Some people like missionary position, while others find missionary position claustrophobic and prefer something more like spooning.

Some people like lots of foreplay, while others like to skip past it quickly.

Some people like visual stimuli to get them in the mood, while others prefer using their imagination.

Some people like sex at night just before going to sleep, while others prefer sex during the day when they're more awake.

And so on, and so on. There are lots of variables that will make sex more pleasurable or less pleasurable for different people. You really just have to try different things and see what works.

Also, I think you need to speak frankly with your boyfriend about what *you* need in order to make the sex more satisfying for *you*. Asking him why you two aren't having sex isn't going to do any good. He can't read your mind to determine what will make the sex more pleasurable for you. You have to become a little more greedy about your own pleasure and tell him what you want and ask him to make some changes to match your needs.

If it's too awkward for you to talk honestly with your boyfriend about changes in your sex habits, then at least ask him to visit a therapist with you (sex therapist, marriage counselor, or whatever works for you). A therapist can ask the right questions and walk the two of through a frank conversation about sex. A therapist can also check other variables that other people have mentioned here, such as whether drugs or diet are affecting your sex drive.

The main thing to remember is that your boyfriend can't read your mind. You have to speak up and tell him what's pleasurable and what's not. It's very frustrating for guys when the woman isn't enjoying sex but she won't talk honestly about what might improve the sex for her. If you need to experiment and try some new things, I'm sure your boyfriend will be willing to work with you. If you're unable to talk to your boyfriend about it, then have a therapist walk you two through that conversation.

Answer 9

you both have been getting bored with each other. Try stepping it up. Go out on a limb, take a chance. Do something risky. Maybe for example talk dirty in front of others. Or make out in front of others. Maybe try having sex somewhere else besides the bedroom. Or wear something sexy.

Answer 10

Just do it already. If you can't or won't or whatever then you need to let him move on and stop being an attention seeking passive aggressive and trying to drag a bunch of total strangers into it to satisfy your narcissistic tendencies on top of everything else! Yikes you need help