what do you do? if you have grown through the bad experience, but the other person seems unable to forgive and move on, but wants to be with you?
2006-07-05 03:54:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I can really understand where you are coming from, and I'm going to give you some advice. I recently went through the same thing. You need to sit down and talk with your boyfriend and tell him that the relationship has no way of growing or even being healthy if he can't forgive you first. He will never be able to move on with you if he can't forgive you first. He is the only one that needs to ask himself do I want to forgive her and never look back on this again. If he doesn't forgive you and you two stay together for a lot longer than he will always have an ill feeling towards you because he hasn't let go. My boyfriend acted very distant from me for about a month, but he still was in-love with me and wanted to be with me. He was more hurt then anything,but at the same time he told me he was starting to really not like me as a person, it was almost a hate there. This is when he said he needed to make up his mind that day wheher or not he was going to forgive me and put everything behind him and move on with me. He made that decision and he has never bought it up like he promised. We do things that we are not proud of and we learn from them. You don't need to go the rest of your life with someone that is going to hold this against you. Either he's going to forgive you and move on with you or he's not. You have to ask yourself if he doesn't forgive me do I want to continue to stay anyway? I really do hope that he forgives you and everything works out for your relationship.
2006-07-05 04:47:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
Given your answers above, this one will be a counterpoint.
Could the problem be you? Have you taken responsibility? Have you apologized, or just said a lame "I'm sorry"? Have you been detailed enough in your apology so that your friend can clearly see that you understand what the problem was? Have you communicated that you understand HOW it made him feel bad, and HOW you hurt him? Have you tried to make it up to him - literally? Sex is always good for this, but it doesn't need be (dinner out, hot outfit, tickets to some game he likes). Do a nice thing for him and say "this is because of when I -xxx- to you". Do all these things, and then see if he lets it go.
Most people don't know how to apologize. It involves MANY steps, not just a "I'm sorry - can we go to the bar now?"
If you haven't properly apologized, then the wound is still open, and can't be healed. And whether he can put it into words or not, if you haven't properly apologized, he knows that, and its only making it worse. Your question shows very little remorse and responsibility on your part.
There is too much faux forgiveness out there. Jesus was extraordinary in that he offered forgiveness before the transgressors ASKED for it. But life is not like that. You can't forgive someone until the steps of apology are made - its not humanly possible. So ... take a step back and look at yourself.
Have you truly apologized?
Have you truly created a foundation upon which your mate can attempt to forgive?
2006-07-05 11:29:24 · answer #2 · answered by robabard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was the person who was forgiving but wouldn't let the other forget. We are not together anymore needless to say (because I was right-but that's besides the point). If you want to deal with the constant reminder, then stay, but I don't think that I could deal with that. They have to forgive (not forget though) and move on in order for the relationship to experience growth, otherwise you will remain stagnant. It's your choice.
2006-07-05 11:04:03 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU have to be #1 in your life, or you'll always be miserable. It's wasn't very nice to hurt someone (although I know it happens), but if they can't forgive you, what's the sense in being with them? If they are making your life miserable now, just imagine in years to come. You're not being fair to yourself. End this relationship and start over. YOU have to move on!!!
2006-07-05 11:02:17 · answer #4 · answered by trueblond195 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up with them.. Once the trust has been broken it's really hard to get it back... you can try but if they aren't willing to forgive you... I'd say let it go. Or you know tell them to stop beating you up about the past...if they are gonna forgive you they have to do it completely...
2006-07-05 11:01:40 · answer #5 · answered by prinsisss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that person wants to be with you...but do you want to be with the person who is unable to forgive you and move on...you may want to break up for that reason
2006-07-05 11:34:17 · answer #6 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is what you need. Talk with your other half. Tell him what your feeling, thinking. If it doesn't change you have two choices, break up with him or be miserable.
2006-07-05 11:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them NO. not just no but HELL NO. and run far away from this person. they just want to give your life misery and frankly i get the feeling you dont want it. dont be with someone just because it makes them feel better about themselfs, be with someone because it makes BOTH of you feel good about yourselfs!
good luck!
2006-07-05 10:59:32 · answer #8 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away from her/him. move to another city if you have to.
2006-07-05 11:00:17 · answer #9 · answered by kenes123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋