Will he still love me after?

Question

My boyfriend is lovely at the moment. He wants to have kids one day. I don't. One of the reasons that I don't is that I think it will destroy everything about me that he loves, not to mention everything that I value about myself: sucessful career and good pay check, slim athletic figure, sense of adventure and love of travel, enjoyment of sex. I won't be me anymore if I'm fat and sore and stuck in the house all the time with mountains of laundry and dirty dishes.

Having children seems like some kind of death sentence. Everything that is good about my life will end and on top of that I won't be the woman that he loves anymore.

Does anyone have any helpful views?

Answer 1

first you dint say how old you are i did not want kids i had a good job etc and loved going out and living life but as i reached 26 something changed i had it with going out and travel then i meet my husband i still did not want kids but one day i woke up and wanted them I'm 32 and now have two little girls yes things changed but in a good way trust me its hard at times but think of it this way its only hard for about 5 years that's when it gets better but i have such Good time with the kids its like im 18 again going to the park and enjoying life a different way just wait until the day you get that feeling and then you will know when you want kids and that's when the fun starts just tell him why change whats so go at the moment you will say when the time is right

Answer 2

Having babies will not destroy everything about you, yes your life will change dramaticly but that doesnt mean your life is over. I was 18 when I had my daughter and I thought my life was over, but it was only the beginning. To know that they are dependant on you is the best feeling in the world. Im 19 now and my life is brilliant. I also thought that my boyfreind would start to hate the way I look when I was pregnant and after, but he didnt, he actually respects me more now than he ever did. He is a brilliant dad and we cldnt be more in love. If you are not ready for children then tell him maybe in the future but at the moment you are happy the way things are. You can have a career with children, i work 40 hours a week, there is plenty of childcare options, you can get your figure back, I have people say it dont look like I have ever had children, you can travel but go to child friendly places, you would not believe the options that are out there for familys.

Answer 3

First off, I don't believe having kids would be the terrible thing you think it will. There are a lot of very successful, beautiful women who have families. Having kids doesn't mean you are sentenced to a life of laundry and dirty dishes. Kids only enhance your life. Having said that I think some people shouldn't have kids and that everyone has right to decide not to have kids. My wife and I have made that decision. As for you and your boyfriend, the best thing you can do is be honest with him and talk to him about how you feel. After that all you can do is respect how each other feels and decide if a relationship together is really the right thing for the two of you.

Answer 4

I think you underestimate the love that your bf (why do you say bf? are you not married with him?) has for you. Well, I guess you feel that way coz you are not married.

If only you love each other in the real sense of the word love and are married, perhaps you will realize that a child is the victory of a man and a woman over their own impermanence.

My wife used to be a pretty woman, I mean almost a beauty contestant. But as we are having children (we have 4 now) she is gaining weight. Now that she is 58 and overweight and am 60, we feel closer and in fact we make love, we have sex as if it is always the first time. Never mind that she is overweight, much too overweight. We knew what we were getting into when we fell in love with each other and finally got married.

Answer 5

He will still love you after child birth but that does not mean your life is over.
there are plenty of people who have both a work and family life at the same time.
You wont lose anything by giving birth, you can tone your body at the gym, there is such a thing as a dish washer,they cant fire you from your job because you are with child.
All of this is probably many years in the future, you will feel diffrent in a few years time, in the mean time enjoy the sex and the rest that life has to offer.

Answer 6

You are right, having kids will change everything. Most people find having kids rewarding and the best thing they ever did, but not everybody feels like that. I would be honest with your boyfriend, tell him exactly what you told us. He needs to decide if not having kids is an option for him. I was in the same situation, I wanted kids but my boyfriend said he never wanted any and we ended up breaking up because I couldn't deal with that. It's all up to how strongly he feels about it. Also, someday you may change your mind, you never know. Lots of things can happen. BUT if you end up never wanting kids, that's your choice and good for you!!

Answer 7

Dear Darling i feel your pain.
Tell your partner how you feel. At the moment children are not what you plan but when you have a child it will change your life only for the best.
Will he still love you?
That depends do you want to grow old just as you are at the moment or do you want to have a family surely he does and is he prepared to wait.

Answer 8

"Having children seems like some kind of death sentence. Everything that is good about my life will end and on top of that I won't be the woman that he loves anymore."

Huh? What kind off crap is that?

Answer 9

I have had 2 children and i can honestly say that the relationship with my partner has got anything but worse. If you still remember the reasons you got together it will be fine. Enjoy each new experience together and i assure you that nothing will change. He loves my body even more now and our sex life has improved dramatically, i think its because we have a closer bond now than ever.

Answer 10

it just sounds like you were told every little bad detail of parent hood!! you have the both of you so it wouldnt be all your job. thats where the dad comes in!!and your body pops back into shape. i lost more wieght after i had my baby then when i first got pregnant.my normal wieght was 145 pounds after i had my son i dropped to 115-120 pounds. but i was more concerned for the baby to eat and i would kind of leave my meals out!! not good but i adjusted, and i still wiegh about 125. it is a joy to have kids and specially if you are financially set to give them every thing they need, youll have a ball!!it is a blessing trust me!!