ok, i knew he watched porn before we were married, yet it bothers me a great deal, that he claims he doesn't need to watch look at it everyday, and that i am all he wants. I find that hard to believe becuase his porn is always of what he really likes, white women, never any black women. (which is what i am) maybe i am nuts i am not sure, but it bothers me. I have given him a choice of having a white woman again so make sure i am what he really wants, but i dont even get head. other than this crazy bit our life is great. He never does me at all, since we have been married he has gone down once, no ordor or anything, but he willing to lick a white woman. maybe i am nuts, but he's ticking me off with this attitude, about porn and our sex life in gereral. He doesn't mneed it but downloads and adds photos all the time, i just feel that he needs his porn more than me.
2006-07-05 03:16:56 · 28 answers · asked by Zeni 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it is a matter that i am a very sexy woman, in my own right, he is a white man, who should have probably stayed with with own because I am not a prt of the fantasy. i have done and enjoy dressing up, i have enough sexy items to open my own shop. He once said that his other girlfriends, always asked, required him to go down, I will be damn, if I do, why should I have to ask and I have told you what I enjoy? It is basicially messing with my self esteem ,because his fantasy is usually over 40 and white. I can ot compete with that. I probably would feel a bit better if his fantasy included a nice colored girl like myself ,but it doesn't, so eventually I am sure he will have to fill his need for what really turns him on.
2006-07-05 03:35:09 · update #1
bull crap, he gets head damn near everday, he never has to ask.
2006-07-05 04:47:27 · update #2
My fantasy includes a nice colored girl like you.
we all have our preferences and they will always come back even if we run from them for a while...
having said that, I think your gut feeling is correct, he is wanting somthing and he seeks it through porn...
of course yoru not gonna like the asnwer but, get ready for a breakup that will eventually come...
2006-07-05 03:47:15 · answer #1 · answered by ibjuscoolin 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It does seem that he is a bit obsessive with porn. However, there seems to be other problems within your relationship and the porn is just making it worse. It took me awhile to understand that porn is nothing more than a fantasy. No different than the romantic love stories I enjoy reading. Only difference really is my imagination rather than a picture or video. Whether you take a picture or write about it, it's sex. Men are stimulated visually, woman are stimulated emotionally. A man can be totally ticked off at something and see a half dressed woman walking down the road and totally forget what he was mad at. Now a woman ticked off driving down the road could see a group of sweaty construction workers working, take a gander at them and go back to being ticked. To be honest with you, a man that doesn't want to watch porn is a man with a sexual disfunction ,in my opinion. Or he either has real strong religious belief. I really don't think that porn is ever really the reason a couple breaks up or just quits trying. It really has to do with all of the underlying problems that the porn is just emphasizing. Jealousy and fear are the worst. Because jealousy and fear is all in our own head. Only you can change it. If he swears to quit watching porn, are you gonna feel any better about your relationship? Or are you still gonna question that he still watches, question that he wants a white woman, question that it is you he wants? Really look at the situation as a whole and try to figure out what exactly you want and need to be happy in this relationship. Just a thought, he could be neglecting you to prove a point. I think every man, just like a woman, loves oral attention! Compromise with eachother, you both might be surprised what happens when you give a little. Good Luck!
2006-07-05 04:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-19 02:18:23 · answer #3 · answered by Priscila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are correct that it is 'messing with your self esteem'...
your question seems to have much to do with the racial relationship in your marriage... that is something you can't change so obssessing about it will only make matters worse. He married you so he must love you regardless of what you think his preference in color might be. Even if he generally favors white women he specifically favors you over all of them or he wouldn't have married you!
In regards to what porn he likes to watch... you must remember all pornography is an escape into fantasy. If he was married to a white woman he would probably be escaping into fantasies with women of color... If he was working in Manhattan in a cubical in a skyscraper he would probably have a picture of a secluded forest on his wall... fantasy takes you out of where you are and puts you somewhere elase so that you can appreciate where you are when you return....
As to going down on you, ask and you shall receive. If you are too proud (or insecure) to ask, then accept the fact that you go without. Sex is always a give and take and never a totally equal exchange... but just because the guy isn't the perfect lover, don't make up a lot of reasons in your mind and think they are the truth... you can never really know another's thoughts... Being a guy I can tell you, we mostly just don't get it, we are not the most sensitive beings in the world.. sometimes we need to be told what you need because we are slow to figure it out. But we are grateful when someone helps us... so just TELL the guy!
Hope things work out for you two... good love is hard to find. Don't throw it away until you are sure it isn't going to work.
2006-07-05 03:58:55 · answer #4 · answered by Klaatu Barada Nikto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be overreacting a bit here, although I can understand where you're coming from. It's insecurity, imo. Some men like porn for the fantasy of it all. That does NOT mean that that's what they want in real life.
My b/f likes a different "type" of woman and I said before: If that's what you find attractive, then that's what you ought to go for. His response was: not even interested. It's a nice thought, but I'd be bored with it really fast. So the thing is.. looks and appearance (i.e. color of skin, hairstyle, bodyshape) are not important in the big scheme of things. Your husband probably loves you on a much deeper level.
Besides, how do you know that he'd go down on a white woman? Did he say so or are you just guessing?
I think you might want to have a heart-to-heart talk with him about what you like in bed and forget about the porn.
2006-07-05 03:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Porn is generally something that breaks up a marriage/relationship unless it is enjoyed by both people. In this case, if you have a problem with him watching porn and he doesn't seem to be willing to give it up, then you need to have a serious conversation about what you want, not what he wants. If he says he can give it up, then why hasn't he?
As for the sexual limitations you feel are happening, that's a different subject, though they seem related. His watching porn probably has very little, if anything to do with not going down on you.
2006-07-05 03:22:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People have different views on porn. Me & my partner both have our collections of porn, sometimes we swap, sometimes we watch it together... I would never cheat on him and vice versa. Porn is all about fantasy. I watch lesbian porn but in real life when I had plenty opportunities I wasn't interested. It's all about the things you wouldn't do, like masturbation. Masturbation is a natural thing, yet when you close your eyes and think of a porn star or a threesome or any other sexual fantasy, is that cheating or does it make you love the other person any less? Of course not.
However... if my man neglected me sexually or if his porn made me feel inadequate or insecure...that would be an entirely different thing. Women need a "healthy" realtionship and if you are unable to talk to your partner about YOUR sexual needs as well as the attention he needs to give you, if you can't talk to him about the way he makes you feel then... the guy's not right.
I don't think it has to do with your skin colour, he's with you 'cause he chose to be with you, but if he can't make you feel secure he's not a real man. If you can, drop him. If you can't 'cause you love him then don't get mad... get even. In other words get a collection of porn with black men, do everything that he does to you (don't give him oral sex unless he gives you some), check out black men when they pass you by on the street and give him some of his own medicine. A little jealousy never harmed anyone.Make him stop taking you for granted and show him what you're made of!
2006-07-05 03:31:31 · answer #7 · answered by Syen_999 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he has a porn addiction. And it is going to ruin your marriage. The thing is he does not have enough respect for himself much less for you if he is feeding himself this grabage. Maybe you should put your foot down and tell him you will leave because you deserve better than to be so grossly disrespected and humiliated like he has done you. Also he sounds very selfish. Making love is not a selfish act. It is giving of yourself completely to that person and wanting nothing but to bring them so much pleasure and satisfaction. He needs to gorw up. But mostly he needs to learn how to be a real man and husband and realize the gift in his wife that he has!!
2006-07-05 03:26:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let his porn get between the both of you. I'm sure he wasn't forced into marrying you. He must have married you because he wanted to.
His watching that particular kind of porn does not automatically mean he likes white women. Maybe black porn stars don't interest him. Ask him why he watches only white women and discuss your concerns with him. Always keep the line of communication open between you and your husband.
All the best.
2006-07-05 04:01:23 · answer #9 · answered by b1ackeyze 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can become addicted to porn and your husband might be, at least he is not cheating with another real woman (porn women are not real)! You might want to consider marriage counseling, it is not right that he doesn't pleasure you the way you need. I love to pleasure my wife and even if I don't really feel like it I still will go down on her (most always I am good to go) just for her pleasure. If you talk to him and he doesn't listen maybe a counselor is the best option.
2006-07-05 03:24:43 · answer #10 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two possible ways to solve this.
1. Try to be the pornstar he wants. Ask him to take pictures of you, do the things he fantasizes of, dress the way he wants, etc.
2. Find a good marriage counselor, preferably Christian, and try to find out what need he is fulfilling with the porn. Men view porn because of an unfuliflled need/problem in their lives.
2006-07-05 03:22:04 · answer #11 · answered by wildmlwilson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋