How can I know if it was for fun, or he really loves her?
2006-07-05 02:39:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's already made the decision to go to another woman. In order to take the step from "thinking about it" to actually doing it, one has to cross over some emotional threshold. Meaning that in his mind, he already abandoned his promise of fidelity to you and his commitment to your relationship. He's not a child and he knew the risks and consequences of his action and was willing to accept them when he walked out on you.
Now why would you want to fight for him? Is a man who has already betrayed your trust worth having? It makes absolutely no difference whether he loves her or not. At the moment when he dropped his pants to go to bed with her, I'm sure he "loved" her. Don't torture yourself. Have some dignity and self-respect and file for the divorce before he humiliates you further.
2006-07-05 03:00:12 · answer #1 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter if he loves her or not. He has cheated on you and disrespected you and the marriage. Don't waste your breath fighting for him. He's not worth it. He certainly didn't feel that you were worth being faithful to.
STOP giving him all the power in the relationship. Start asking yourself if you want him back and whether or not he is worthy of you. I'd be willing to bet the answer is NO.
This is not HIS decision. It's yours. Don't listen to losers who ask questions about whether or not you have done anything to push him away. (ie, how you look, etc.) That is someone who is unwilling to hold a man responsible for his behaviour and those comments typically come from men.
A person who takes things outside the relationship and has an affair is the person at fault. All marital issues should be handled between the couple and if it is beyond that, then see a counselor. Having an affair is a chicken s&^% way to handle things.
2006-07-05 09:45:32 · answer #2 · answered by CleverGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't about whether he loves her or not... it's that if he was cheating, he doesn't love (or at the very least doesn't respect) you. Whether she means anything to him or not, you have to decide if you are willing to forgive and forget. If you can't do both, then it would probably be best to let him go. The fact is, if you can forgive him but you can't forget and bring up his affair every time you argue, you will both have to relive all off the hurt with every argument. What about when he has a night away from you? Will you wonder if he's with someone else? You have to value yourself enough to know that you deserve better than being with someone who would put you through this. However, If you think you can forgive and forget and learn to trust him again, then I wish you the best of luck in making it work. If not, I wish you the best in starting your new life.
2006-07-05 09:51:38 · answer #3 · answered by teacher1628 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men do it just for fun. Women need a reason for sex so men make up an excuse and will lie that:
1- their wife is not giving them any.
2- they are having marital problems.
3- they love their wife they they are not "in love" with her.
They don't love that other woman. If they didn't want to be with their wife they would leave. Men are not going to get very far with the other woman if they told her that he is happy with his home life but he just wants a little fun on the side. The man will throw cracker crumbs to the other woman just to keep her coming back and that will include telling her that he loves her. It is just a game to the man and most men are players when the opportunity presents itself.
2006-07-05 10:13:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The unknown variables make this a difficult question to answer. I will speculate the most common senerios and you can decide which may apply to your situation. Men cheat usually because the home front is not giving them the gratification, pleasure and stimulation he got married for to begin with, complicate the alienation of affection, emotional abuse, disbaraging remarks, with money, substance or child/family crisis or problem and it goes to hell in a hand basket in a hurry. When the going gets tough the cheaters and cowards get going. If your spouse is cheating on you regardless of the "excuses" he is a cheater! iF YOU take responsibility for your actions in your marital misfortunes and take the required, necessary steps to correct them, what more can you possibly do than right your wrongs? You can only take credit for what you have done wrong that may be or has eroaded or derailed your marriage. Is the damage repairable and tresspasses against EACH other forgiveable? DO you have children? Has your spouse or you stepped outside of your marriage before and what if anything may have triggered the behavior, same offender? Lastly for this review can you forgive, believe, trust, heal and move on, recommit to the marriage? This is a tough one when you are talking about adultery, I personally could not take back a partner that I know cheated on me. The self respect level needs to be established, if you have done wrong by him, correct it and check yourself, ask for his forgiveness, forgive yourself but don't let anyone take a crap on you and then use your hair for toilet paper ! Let him go, if he cheated on you, he'll cheat on her, Fact!
2006-07-05 10:10:20 · answer #5 · answered by want2flybye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way you should fight is if you think there is a real possibility of working through the fact that he cheated. If you don't think you could ever trust him again it's not the smartest choice to stay in the relationship, but if you can then that's your man. Ask him why he did it, and if he has any feelings for her. If he can't be honest with you then you shouldn't stay with him. Basically what I am trying to say is if you love him and you can work through it as long as he is willing to then you should save your marriage!
2006-07-05 09:46:28 · answer #6 · answered by DEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is YOUR husband and I feel that if you really love him then you should fight for him. Start out by having a civil conversation with him and make sure he is still willing to work on things because if he is not then you would just be wasting your time.
2006-07-05 10:39:09 · answer #7 · answered by danae5839williams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look at the way you worded the question, "losing" not lost. Don't let him call the shots and don't let go either unless it is what you really want. It may be a miss understanding. Talk with him, only you can judge if he is worth fighting for.
2006-07-05 10:49:45 · answer #8 · answered by an6el 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well? If You caught them in the middle of something, then I would say see ya !! but? If there was nothing physical and you feel that this so called women is trying to make you feel like shes waiting for a chance for you to drop the leash so to speak? I would have a sit down with the both of them and tell them like it is!
And If that doesn't convince them ? c-4 under the drivers seat works wonders!!!!! lol
2006-07-05 10:19:46 · answer #9 · answered by sneakers822 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fight for him and your love and marriage - if you love him and he's worth it on all other fronts - fight for him! Just because he's made a bad decision doesn't mean he wants to lose you - sometimes they HONESTLY don't know they could until it's too late and they have...
2006-07-05 11:19:41 · answer #10 · answered by KitKat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋