How do I tell my parents I want to live with my boyfriend?

Question

My parents are very religious and I'm not. I've been dating my boyfriend since February, but my parents don't really know him and they don't want to know him because neither of us are religious. I moved out of my parents house on my own because of our religious disputes. Now, my boyfriend and I are planning to move in together because I really don't like living all alone and his family is moving to Chile in September (that's where they're from). I really love my boyfriend and I want to be with him, we're even talking about getting married when I finish school in a couple years (I'm 20). But I love my parents too and I don't want to hurt them. We used to be really close and I don't want them to be upset. What's the best way to break the news??????

My parents are very religious and I'm not. I don't oppose their religion at all, I was raised that way. I still hold some of the principles, but I'm just not practicing with them. However it's caused lots of fights in the past. I moved out of my parents house on my own because of our religious disputes which really helped our relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend since February, but my parents don't really know him and they don't want to know him because neither of us are religious. Now, my boyfriend and I are planning to move in together because I really don't like living all alone and his family is moving to Chile in September (that's where they're from). I really love my boyfriend and I want to be with him, we're even talking about getting married when I finish school in a couple years (I'm 20). But I love my parents too and I don't want to hurt them. We used to be really close and I don't want them to be upset. What's the best way to break the news??????

Answer 1

it doesn't sound like there is going to be any easy way to tell them from the situation you described. just explain to them that you love them and you respect them but your personal choices differ from theirs and then break the news. even if they are upset/disappointed, they are your parents and chances are they will get over whatever hurt they will have because they love you. good luck!

Answer 2

Maybe you don't. Maybe you just keep up a polite fiction that BF "spends a lot of time here" and "has a lot of his stuff here for convenience" and "has a lot of his meals here" and "likes to do his studying here" and so on.

Yeah, your parents will probably figure out real easy that you two are shacking up. But you're giving them the option of avoiding a confrontation. Young people can have some rather inflexible ideas about "honesty" but trust me on this -- a little selective hypocrisy and tact can make family life much more pleasant for everyone involved. Why precipitate a crisis that you may be able to avoid? Why buy a headache?

Answer 3

how do u trust ur own love for him when u couldn't love ur parents completely.u say u love them, then y r u so intolerant about their being religious?if u can abandon them for a minor reason u can ditch ur current lover very easily.if u can forget 18 years old love, where will u place few months old love.u seem to be quite immature yet despite ur crossing the legal age limit.
if u really love ur parents then tell them everything.they'll always think better for u.differences in thoughts is not an adequate reason for leaving the loved ones.people ignore such disputes when they really love each other.don't create panic.take ur decisions with cool and open mind.don't support the well known saying"love is blind".may ur love with ur boy never break.u should try to make good relation on both sides.ur parents and ur boy.if nothing seems to be working, leave everything on time.

Answer 4

your 20 and u have the right to do whatever u want. Your not a child anymore. So go and do whatever u want. My parents are very religious too and i know how u feel. Dont u hate it when u talk of a simple thing like a computer for an example and they go haywire saying our church say this blah blah blah..... anyway try to be nice about it.

Answer 5

You've already move out and are on your own. I suspect you've already been intimate with your boyfriend, else you wouldn't have even considered moving in with him.

Welcome to the adult world of choice and consequence. You've already broken away from your parents in your choice not to participate in their religious values. Moving out of their home into your own was a decisive step in that direction.

As an adult, you face up and own your choices and decisions. If you decide to move in with your boyfriend, do so responsibly. You let your parents know you love them, and whilst you respect their values and opinions, they just those things, their values and their opinions. (In case you're not getting it, there is no 'easy' way to break the news. be compassionate, but firm.)

It is their choice not to get to know someone that is their potential son-in-law. Their loss. Once you announce you are going to move in with him, they will either reject it out of hand and refuse to acknowledge him or they will accept the decision and come around.

Either way, it's not going to be easy. But if you are truly ready for that step of co-habitation, then you will be able to confront the hurt, anger and confusion such a move will make secure in your relationship with your boyfriend.

My only other advice in this matter is that you make sure you can take care of yourself in case things don't out with you and your boyfriend living together. It is a HUGE step.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Being a parent myself I would say live with your boyfriend if that is what you choose. I am sure your parents love you enough that they will not disown you. They will get use to the idea. A talk with them about the feeling you have about hurting them might help also.

Answer 7

Family is the most important thing. Not saying it's not going to work out, but if it doesn't if you and your parents aren't cool, then who can you go back too, then you will just be lonely again. Don't jepordize a relationship with your parents for a guy it's not worth it. They only want what is best for you. Put yourself in their shoes, what would you want your daughter to do?

Answer 8

You're an adult, and you're entitled to make your own decisions. Just tell them that you have made this decision, and feel it is best for you.

Be prepared, however, for them not to be happy with you. They may not want to visit you at the apartment you share with your boyfriend. Understand that, and be willing to give them time to get used to the idea.

Also, if they are paying for your college expenses, be prepared for them to stop all monetary support to you. As a adult, you can't expect them to pay for your decision if they are very against it. They shouldn't have to give you money if you are exerting your independence from them.

Answer 9

I say do not move in with someone you've known since February...waaaaaay too soon. If he needs a place to live, he'll manage to find something. You need more time to really know this man. Imagine going through all this, and hten finding out he's a slob, or farts too much in bed, or likes to slap around his woman, and you have to move out! You hardly know this guy....believe me

Answer 10

If you r 18 or over it's your decision you are consided an adult legally and just let them know you will be fine but that is your decision. If you're not 18 sorry u might just have to listen and wait

Answer 11

Yes it can be hard but maybe if you started to attened with ur parents religon (im not saying become part of the religon)but take your boyfriend so your parents could noe that you rele do love him and that ur willing to change for him and that hes willing to change for u its going to take time and its going to be rele hard i been threw this road and everything turned out great my parents accepted my boyfriend cause all parents want their kids to be happy.