Pocket money from grand parents with children from divorced home?

Question

What is the general feeling about pocket money from grandparents being available to the kids to spend when out and about with the other parent?

What im trying to find out is: if my exs grandparents give the kiddies pocket money, is it fair that it should only be spent whilst theyre are with him?

Answer 1

Honey why sweat the small stuff? It's not your money, it's theirs! It's selfish for you to only want them to spend the pocket money when they are around you, even though I understand where you are coming from. I would not be happy if my parents gave my kids money and they chose to spend it when they went to go spend time with their dad, my ex. I would feel that he should supply all of their needs, including treats! However, the good Christian thing to do is to allow the kids to have their money, but encourage them to use it only as a last resort, only if their parent do not have the funds to treat them. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think there is a bit more to your question that meets the eyes. It seems to me you worry that this pocket money when your children are not with you could be a way to 'buy' their love? Maybe make them want to spend more time with them than they already do?

And could it also be that you feel mistrusted by them when they have to spend their pocket money while they're away?

You know grand-parents love to spoil their grand-children and no doubt your children would never complain! But if you worry about my suggestion ... Then ask yourself the following: Have the grand-parents always given as much before your separation or is it a case that they see the children less frequently now and want to make it all up to them? If this seems to answer the question then well and good. If not then maybe they are trying to spoil the children more because they want to show them that they do love them. Maybe there is a little amount of jealousy there, they want to show you (Through giving the children) That they are their grand-children and you cannot/will never alter this fact.

As for having them spend their pocket money while they're away from you ... Why don't you make sure your children always go with a bit of pocket money from you? So other parent/grand-parents can see that maybe they should trust the children to go home to you with some money as well!

Whatever you do ... Do not mention to the children and if they tell you they were made to spend their money, just laugh it off! Show them you don't really care about it.

I'd be surprised if they didn't let the other parent/grand-parent know that their mum/dad is so cool about that! Might lead them to think the exercise served its purpose and give up!

Best wishes

Answer 3

Parents should never GIVE children pocket money. Children should be given the opportunity to earn pocket money starting around age 5. A simple chore or two with a small reward such as a dollar. In our family, the pay is then divided up into savings, giving, and spending. A small portion goes to a savings account or in the case of small children a large Jar where they can actually watch their money grow. A small portion goes to giving, to church or other charities. The rest is spent. As a child gets older, pay gets higher, and responsibilities coorespondingly get higher. For instance a 16 yr old might be doing 4 simple chores a week, getting paid $100 a week, but has to pay for their own clothes, cell phone, gas, etc. They still have to save, give, but spending becomes a lot more "real world". Also, if you don't do your chores, you don't get paid, you don't get paid, you don't have a cell phone, gas for the car, or new clothes for school. Once again real world stuff. So yes it is a bad thing to GIVE pocket money. Nobody will give you anything as an adult. You have to earn everything, one way or another. If you learn that young, you will have no problems with it as an adult.

Answer 4

How old are the cildren?

If it's not a large amount of money, it's perfectly normal that the kids spend it with their dad. If it's a lot, I would enourage them to put some of it into their savings account.

Are the grandparents giving them pocket money on regular basis? If so, I would ask them. I don't know your relationship with their dad but maybe talking to him about it would help.

Competition between parents can be very rough on kids. If they only have money to spend when they are with one of them and not the other, they might be influenced by it. If their dad is letting them buy things he knows you wouldn't approve of, you should say something but if that's not the problem, I think the kids should be able to spend it wherever and whenever they want.

Answer 5

I feel that it should be fine, especially if its an outing to a amazement park. There should be a small allowance and the equal amount for both children. This small allowance could a fiver or a tenner each, to buy a t-shirt from the souvenir shop.

If its a day-to-day feature where the children only see grandma as to make a quick-buck. I suggest asking grandma to stop giving out money unless its earned, like washing car or windows.

Remember pocket money and sweets should be as a treat, not as a necessity.

Answer 6

grand parents can give grandchildren gift cards where the kids shop , then they can add to it anytime the grandparent likes. on days the grandparent get the grandkids.
if on giftcard its easier for the child to use and keep track of.
grandparents and grandkids relationship is important just like with the parents.
maybe ask both parents if they mind if you(as the grandparent) give gift card.
but im sure its ok, that way the child dont feel obligated to ask parent. knowing after a divorce money is tighter.

Answer 7

If the kids are being given pocket money, it's up to them when, where and if they want to spend it. Once the money is given, it belongs to the kids so nobody can force them to spend it.

Answer 8

fine, as long as the kids spend the money on something they want and the other parent does not 'borrow' the money as can happen. also make sure the child knows what is acceptable ie not getting ears pierced if one does parent does not agree with that and the child is young

Answer 9

1

Answer 10

Doesn't bother me any. My money stays secure in my pocket and they can do whatever they want with theirs.