Do gay relationships ever last?

Question

I've had a boyfriend for about a year now and it seems that we could have a good future together. Only I know so many gay men who have broken up with their man after 10 years. You hardly ever hear of any older men who have had a long relationship with their partners. I think that not being able to marry and have a commitment like that has something to do with it. Its alot easier to kick out a boyfriend when the house isnt in both your names. And there always seems to be cheating. Do you believe that two men can make a lifelong commitment and stay together through the rough times?What I have with my boyfriend is great. We've been through alot but still love eachother very much. Can anyone give me an example to look to when Im wondering if things will work out or not?

Answer 1

I am gay and two of my closer friends are also gay and have been in the same committed relationship with each other for longer than I have been alive. I'm 36 and will be 37 at the end of this month!

I think you are onto something when you point out the difficulties in maintaining a gay/lesbian relationship in a society that makes no allowances for such. There are no supports, and it's easier to disrespect your own relationship with another person if 90% of society seems to disrespect it.

My boyfriend and I live in two different countries and the only thing keeping us physically apart is geography and money. This is changing though, I'm going to his country/city at the end of this summer. In our absence, we've remained committed to each other, but I am not even gonna tell you what our phone bills are like! I will say that we've been in the SAME relationship for 6 years and counting, but its been 4 years since we've last seen each other. Is this going to work or is it doomed to failure? Only time will tell, but I will say this much. The thing we have working for us is we actually see what we have to loose. It's HARD not seeing the person you wanna get old with, it's effin painful to hear 90% of society (his and yours and your own parents as well) telling you that you SHOULD fail because god wants that. But I look to the example of the two guys who have been husbands in all but legal paper for longer than I have been alive, and I look to my own boyfriend who says "I love you and I need you so much!" at the start of every email and telephone and SKYPE conversation. Does this mean that we're gonna last? I don't know...but I have faith...maybe not in some god in heaven, but in myself and I know what I want and what I am willing to do (and put up with) in order to get that.

So, in answer to your question, I DO believe that two men (or two women) can make a lifelong committment, and at the risk of sounding like a homosexist, I think that gay/lesbian relationships have MORE value than straight relationships because we have to put up with more challenges than the average straight couple even considers, even though they get the tax breaks and the insurance and hospital visitation benefits.

As for examples of things to look to in wondering whether things are gonna work or not. Heck...stand next to your boyfriend and LOOK IN THE MIRROR! You guys rock and it's time you acknowleded that to yourselves...and work to keep it up! Talk to each other...communicate...keep sharing, keep loving, and maybe every once in a while, don't just say "I Love you" SHOW it!

Answer 2

Jonathan and I have been together nearly 15 years. I know couples that have been together as long as 45 years. I think one of the reasons you don't hear about it is that older people are not "out" in the same way -- and those that you see in the bars usually are those that failed to have a successful relationship. We have mostly straight friends, and those we have that are gay we met in other ways -- through gaming primarily (we are D and D players from way back) and through my involvement in the Religious Left (yes there is one, we don't raise money as well as the Right).

Your success however is not dependant on what other gays have done -- it is dependant on what you and he decide you will do. Fearing what others have or haven't done sets you up for failure if you continue. Let it go to the Universe and believe in yourselves. You can do this.

The clearest example I can give (and I can probably ask Father if he will talk to you directly, he might - but he also might not) is an older Episcopal priest I know, who has been with his partner, a doctor, for 45 years. They are both retired now, but still active in the diocese and in AIDs ministry and education. Father started the Damien Center for AIDs Victims in Albany years ago. They are a very good and happy older couple.

Good luck.

Reyn
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Answer 3

I had a relationship with one man for close to 27 years until he passed away in 2003. We had good times, rough times but we worked together, we grew, and somehow the years flew by without us even thinking about it.

The best thing you can do is to try. If something is meant to last, it will. There is no magic formula to keep something going - it simply takes two people who are committed to make it work.

Alas! people grow and change - and sometimes they grow apart. This happens a lot in straight relationships as well.

I have seen a few very long term relationships in my life between two men - and it seems these days that most men prefer the "free life" with no commitment but plenty of sex.

Answer 4

Most dont last for many reasons. Men need women to keep them in check. Gay men are very material and superficial. If they find a man with a bigger weenie or more money or a nicer house or better clothes, then they will leave yu for it. Men are by nature wanderers--look at the way male animals roam.

Again, with 2 men and no woman to keep them in line, the chances of a great long term relationship are very low.

Sad but true.

Answer 5

Like some of the other posts, I know 2 couples that have hit the 30yr or nearly 30yr mark..........both male, I've read of many more, both female and male.........just like any other relationship, it takes work, love, respect......we (gay couples) do have it a bit harder simply because of society pressures......I was married to a man for nearly 20yrs and didnt want to be......now that I'm partnered with a woman I love I dont see any reason for this relationship to last even longer.......we just started our 8th year and yes, we've had it bad, good and in-between.......its taken some work, and its very worth it..........congrats on a sucessful ldr.........those are the absolute hardest to maintain........

D~~

Answer 6

I think ur on to something about the not being able to marry, but beleive 2 states allow mariage and one or 2 allow unions. Its just like any relationship it takes work. Its als the little things that matter like snoring or saying i instead of we or anything of that nature. i am not an expert but if u both want it u'll both work for it to last forever or however you want to put it.

Answer 7

My best friend has been with his lover since 1970.

I've been with my partner for 16 years and still going strong.

Take it a day at a time.
Quit trying to define what tomorrow will be like.
Your fears could be what breaks you two up.

Answer 8

Half of all marriages between straights don't last... much less relationships.. it's not any different when you're gay.. it just depends on the people, the relationship, and the communication..

Answer 9

if all it takes is a piece of paper to declare your love, then its not much. Love comes from the heart, along with trust.
if you trust your partner and its a 50/50 relationship why are you worried?
i was with my partner for 8 1/2 years, we nevermy things or her things, everything belonged to us. My partner died of a stroke
so please live your life day to day and enjoy it, quit the useless worring. if you are worried, talk to your partner, he needs the chance to reassure you.
May God bless you both
peace and love

Answer 10

Bear in mind that, you do not hear sucessful gay relationship because most older gay couples do not publish their life nor would mainstream media report them.