My to be wife cheated on me 2 weeks ago, were getting married in a couple months still, I still am hurt , HELP

Question

We've known each other for 6 years and I found out she was cheating on me 2 wks ago with a date to get married in 2 months. She said sadly she did it because she was weak while apart from me and to help her deal with it, she had to make herself hard and empty inside and things went too far and it lead to cheating on me, She said she made a mistake and wasn't going to tell me and her plan was to end that 2 weeks from our wedding, She said she wants to be with me, she misses me too much and it just got out of hand, She loves me and wants to marry me, I forgave her but is this right for me to do? What should she do or how should she be acting in the days to come after I forgave her? I really need a detailed advice, Am I going to be looked as a fool? PLEASE HELP, I am so in need of advice or recommendations.... Thanks so much!

Answer 1

Don't go through with it.
It's a big mistake, no trust left.

Cancel the wedding., If you want to keep the relationship, then work on it for awhile, and see how things go. If it works, if you can trust again, and she remains faithful over a period of a year or several, then make wdding plans again.

Better to delay wedding plans than have to plan a divorce.

Answer 2

well i wouldn't be worried about looking like a fool. first of all, this is so soon to your wedding date I would, without a doubt, put the wedding on hold. i mean, i know it's a big deal, cancelling all that, but you might be making the best decision of your life. in order for a relationship to work you need trust, and I can't imagine that you can trust her only finding this out now.....and only 2 weeks until getting married. how do you know once you were married she was actually going to stop? I think you need to tell her that you need some time to think and hold off until you have had the chance to deal with it. I mean, you can't do this to yourself. you deserve more respect than that. if she loves you she will give you time. i can't say that she will or won't cheat on you again, but that was a lame excuse she gave you as to why she was cheating. Something else might be wrong, or maybe she was doing it to get it out of her system cause she's afraid to get married....which is not right. My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me in the very beginning of our relationship and I took him back. It was so hard to forgive him...even though I said I forgave him...I still resent him for it, which was horrible for the relationship. We fought all the time just because of this, and I didn't even realize that that was our problem. I could not let go of it. She should not expect you to want to go through with the wedding. If she threatens you by saying either get married or we break up...I would break up and see what happens in the future. Don't worry about what everyone else will think, the most important thing is you and the health of your future relationship....and if the marriage starts out with lies and dishonesty, then it might be doomed. it might never work cause you might never truly forgive her. think about it....and don't do what you think you have to, or what other people would want....do what you think you should do...stick up for yourself, you could be happier in the long run. ( and might find a woman who will love you unconditionally and will always be faithful) good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 3

Ok, let me admit one thing, I had an internet affair on my hubby. It lasted a couple of months, may be different than sex with another man, but I can kinda relate...My hubby and I are still together and he has agreed to forgive me for that but it has not been easy. If your fiance truly is sorry and wants to be with you you should be able to tell from her behavior. Does she still behave the way she described with being hard and empty inside, or has she opened up to you and let you back in her heart completely? You mention that she misses you terribly, is the distance gone between you two or are you still away alot? These questions are going to be the real indicators as to whether or not you can trust her again. In any case, I think you may want to postpone the wedding if you have any doubts about it at all! I understand that plans are in order and are hard to break, but having doubts before you get married does not make for a strong union after the wedding! Do not let the pressure of the wedding make your decision for you, remember, marriage is for life, whether or not ppl take it that seriously anymore, it is for life! Don't let anyone or anything stop you from making the right choice!

Answer 4

don't marry her yet. You both need to talk about that. Ask your selve if this person is the one you want to end up with for your whole life. "TIl' Death til you part"
Ask her if she loves you. and if she is ready to get married.
Are you willing TO GIVE HER A SECOND CHANCE?
Will she be faithful?
ask her this. Marriage isn't some joke. U can't back out as soon as it gets to tough or to difficult. U both have to put both your love and hard work into.Don't be one of those ppl nowa days who divorce after 6 months. Marriage is a life's work. Yet it can have so many rewards.

You can't go jumping into some other's guys/girls arms when it gets "out of hand" you have to be able to control your temptations. You have to realize that once you do something like that, you can break something so precious. U might never have a the chance of repairing it. If she felt weak then she should have called you, maybe if she heard your voice then she would have calmed down. What she did was wrong, Before you get married, she has to understand that what she did can't be so easily forgiven. Tell her how much you are still hurting, you both need to talk to each other.

Answer 5

Don't make a mistake that you'll regret for the rest of your married life. You forgave her, in other words "You let her get away with it" once, what makes you think she wont do it again?! When she gets caught again all she has to do is turn on the waterworks and "Alas" you will probably forgive her again because she'll give you another lame a** excuse. Things don't get out of hand by accident. She made the choice to cheat and thus now she must pay the consequence. Now that you know what she's capable of doing it will always be on the back of your mind. Trust is the foudation of a good and healthy relationship.

Answer 6

I would have to wonder why she placed herself in a spot where she ended up cheating. I would have to know why she even considered it.

I believe that it is serious and could be a way of life for her. I had a friend who was like that. It didn't end once she married.

It is good you are able to forgive her. I think that you both need to really get a grip on the situation befor getting married.

I don't see that you would be looked at as a fool as long as it doesn't happen again. If it keeps happening and you keep forgiving then you may look like a fool.

Answer 7

It's gonna linger....I'd just break off with her and tell her to stick it where the sun don't shine. No one needs a cheater or a liar, and just because she had cheated once and who knows she'll probably do it again, most cheaters do. Also I know where your coming from. My fiance had made plans with other women and I caught him on the internet setting up dates. It broke my heart, because he had said a lot of harsh things. And I have forgiven him, he has changed a lot, but I notice that he's going back to his old ways in a lot of ways. So I don't and can't give too much advice over this, I'm pretty much sitting in the same boat, except he hasn't cheated. He's lied, and lied and continued, I've caught him in a lot of them. I think maybe you should just tell her you need a little more time to think about getting married so neither of you get hurt again or at all, because later on it could end up worse.

Answer 8

Men will never learn to not get married. There is no need to anymore. In fact, it's scary to be with a woman period. My exgirlfriend cheated, my friends wife did, my other friend's fiancee did.
And also legally, a woman has a right to put your kid up for adoption(if you're not married), even if you want to raise the child yourself. Legal kidnapping.
Also, statistically, 1 out of every 10 children are raised by a man who thought he was the biological father, but actually isn't.
If you have kids, you're going to be extremely financially burdened despite the fact that you didn't put yourself in this situation. In some states, you might even have to pay alimony if she does this after being married and you get divorce..
Women cheat more than men now statistically... and get all the money. Just look at porn from now on.

Answer 9

you should not have forgiven her right away, but we can't do anything about that now. Really sit down with her and ask her to come clean with anything. If she wants to go through with this marriage, she should have a clean slate, no matter how much it might hurt you or her. This will be painful, but it would be worse to go into a marriage with lies and guilt.

Another thing to do is tell her that you want to support her but you are not afraid of leaving her. It has been a great 6 years but you won't be in a relationship with her if you are going to get hurt. Offer to go to a relationship conselour or have her go to therapy. DO NOT FORCE HER. She must want to go on her own. You can suggest it but make it firm that it must be something SHE wants to do.

The best is to come clean (both of you) with any lies or deception from the past. Really think about the situation. DO you WANT to make a life long committment? what about if there are kids and this happens again? Are either of you afriad of being alone? What have been both of ya'lls past relationships been like? You really need to just sit down and asnwer all questions like adults, come clean about everything (really emphasize this because you CAN take the truth) and try to get to the bottom of the problem. She shouldn't have felt so weak when you were gone to cheat on you. (probably low self-esteem) Make her feel good about herself.

But most important, it is good and healthy to feel all the emotions you have now and let her know that. DO NOT brush this under the rug despite how much you and her might want to.

And finally, don't force her into the marriage. If marrying her is what you really want, then you will be happy, but what about her? Give her the opportunity, no strings attached, to get out of the relationship. Being with someone for 6 years makes it extreamly difficult to leave them, however, you both should be happy, not just one. If she does decided to leave and is not ready for marriage, you can and will move on.

Good Luck

Answer 10

She should be kissing a whole lot of *** to really show you, your the one and heal those scars of insecurities shes put there. But personally I dont think I could take one back that close into a commitment. Once a cheater always a cheater I've always heard.But maybe she needed to sew her oats before the big day and make sure thats what she really wanted. were only human and are prone to mistakes but can you honestly forgive her without it being in the back of you mind. While your at work or out of town will you wonder? This maybe a big set up to a failed marriage in the works here, better think about it good.

Answer 11

Trust is IMPORTANT in relationships/marriage. Either don't marry her at all or postpone the wedding till all problems concerning the cheating incident are resolved & trust is restored once again.
Before trying to continue a relationship with you, she first needs to prove to you that she can honestly be trusted.
If you go into marriage with a problem like that hanging over your head, the relationship will only worsen because of the distrust = destruction = divorce. What would be the point in marrying her, if it's inevitably (predictably) just going to end?