i need some moral advice/family-this is important!!!?

Question

ok this is what is happening,i found out that someone in my family is quietly having a divorce,now i love these people,but something is going to happen.this lady that i will call ''sara'' and this man i will call ''jack'' have been married for a few years now,maybe 10 or so,''sara'' now wants a divorce from ''jack'',by blood im related to "sara".but this "jack" is a very good man/dad/husband/all of the above,now he takes care of the kids,very well,he takes them places,loves them,and they love him back very much,he never gets drunk,he is very patient,very loving,he never does drugs,in simple terms"jack" is the perfect man,whenever "sara" asks if "jack" can go get her something,even if he has to go threw alot to get it for her,he does it in a heartbeat,with out a second thought,"sara", on the other hand does get a little drunk,she is sometimes 'mean',rude,obnoxious if you will,she hasnt really grown up,she still goes out,gets drunk,parties,goes to clubs while "jack" is back at the house

taking care of the kids.i recently went on the computer and found links in the history section,where the pages discussed 'dead beat dads',,which i dont know why this is being said when again,hes is the best father in the world,the kids are constantly choose to go to him when they have a problem,or when they need help in school,or even when they got in trouble,because they know that whatever it is they did,he would always make them feel better,it may sound like a clear choice as to who should get custody of the kids,but lets say that the relationship with"sara" hasnt been so 'great' with her in the past,and many people will,without hesitation choose "jack" as the legal gardian,but if that choice is to be made, because the relationship is so fragile that it could be broken,with many of years without communication,again.again i love these people very much, and i dont want anybody to get hurt,especially the kids,who love"sara and jack" very much

I need to add something:

1.I AM NOT "jack"
2."jack" was complelty crushed when he found this out,his reaction was this:"what was it that i did? if i did something wrong, tell me,i can change"
3.i have never seen "jack" like this,he is usally full of energy,happiness, laughter, joy, excitment, etc...and now he is sad,he doesnt seem to enjoy life that much anymore,'drained'is what he is,and he truly does love her
4.he takes the kids out all the time,he gives "sara" time to rest after she spent all night partying,when shes got that hangover
4.im not exarggerting "jack" this is how he really is.

also,no matter what "jack" is doing,he is never to busy to stop and help....plese help

blah blah blah,,,,,,stop telling me to mind my own bizness,i am just worried for those kids, i know whatever happens is out of my control, and im past that, i just worry for those kids because their young!

Answer 1

You should stay out of it, because it is not your business, and it is beyond your control. Moral support, even material help, is okay, but getting involved and trying to keep them together will be bad for everyone in the end--even the kids.

Answer 2

Its alot of information. The story sounds very familiar, perhaps I saw some elements of it on Lifetime TV. Relationships are so difficult to maintain, understand and its so painful when things go sour, which is more often than not. Advise is easy to give, stay away from the situation. You nor anyone else knows all the facts and true feelings between Sara & Jack. There obviously are things going on that you may not be familiar with. What you and the family sees and experiences are the things that S&J want you to see. Behind closed doors, thats where the real deal is happening. Its sad to hear of the demise of anything, but I truly feel that it is for the best. Sounds like J deserves better. I bet S thinks that shes way to good, to cool, too pretty for J. They have there own internal things going on. There may be some rotten skeletons in J's closet that you don't know about. I'm just guessing. Perhaps that is why he seems to be overcompensating by being the hero, always. I've heard it said, I do not know if there is any valid truth to it...

One who has no demons- probably has little virtues.

I hope things work out for the best, especially where the kids are concerned. That's where the real saddness lies.

Answer 3

I know that you don't want to mind your own business, but I think maybe you should. Divorce is personal and between 2 people. Sounds to me like "sara" has been trying to get "jack" to make the first move for some time now, and I don't think there's going to be a problem where the kids are involved. This sounds like a woman who is unhappy in marriage and unhappy in motherhood. I think that when these 2 people divorce, like they should.. the only involvement you should have is at the custody hearing. Go there and tell them all you know about how good of a father "jack" is. I think "Jack" deserves someone better than "Sara" but he deserves to have his kids. Make sure you still maintain an active role with him and his kids even though you're related to Sara and not him. But, when it comes to the actual divorce.. be Jack's friend, but don't interfere.

Answer 4

So Jack is a caretaker while Sara is a child. Pretty unbalanced but pretty common. He has been raising his wife along with his children and now it is time for the adult-child to rebel.

It is hard for kids to go through divorce but that is also pretty common. They are lucky that they can rely on their dad and that the dad loves the mom enough not to run her down. They will be okay.

As far as Sara goes, she obviously likes excitement and is probably bored to tears with goody-goody Jack. He has to take responsibility, too, for being so enabling. Someone who has kids and is partying on a regular basis should, perhaps, not be protected by their spouse as it suggests that the behavior is acceptable.

Anyway, some people learn when it's too late. This may be the case for Sara. Either way, there is little you can do about it except
be there for these people you obviously care so much about. If you feel the need to say something to any of them, go ahead but it is unlikely that it will do any good.

So support the kids by giving them extra attention and being there to listen. Other than that, all you can do is sit back and watch the drama unfold. May I suggest a recliner or deck chair? You're going to be there a while.

.

Answer 5

I've know some families who are like that and more often it's the husband who is patient and loving. I'm guessing that they've been high school sweethearts and got married not long after graduation. But the best advice I can give you is that this is a separate family from yours and whatever happens to them you probably can't change it. But you can be supportive to "Jack" and the kids and help "Jack" get through this. It also sounds like "Sara" is not much of a wife/mother and if she wants to risk hurting their kids by divorcing her perfect husband then it sounds like she doesn't care about her family. So it's probably best for "Jack" to move on and not have to support an unappreciative wife. Just make sure that you're there to help him and advice him in his time of need. I think that's all you can do.

Answer 6

Although you love them very much, unless you live with them you don't know the whole story. There could be things going on that you don't know about. It sounds like Jack is a great person and Sara has problems. I hope if Jack is as good as you think he is that he will not give up and find someone that will appreciate him for who he is. I hope he gets custody of the kids too!

Answer 7

Well , there is nothing 2 bother about Sara & Jack bez their relationship was end but they have 2 bother about their kids! Their kids need parents , love , attention & so far from ur explanation Jack is a loving dad rather than Sara. However , if their kids are girls , legally they supossed & must stay with their mom but if boys they can choose either mom or dad 2 stay with.

Only Sara & Jack knew what is their real problem & u as a outsider only observed it & u really don't know 1000 percent what was happened between them!

But ur explanation shows that ur a primary person who suffered.
So , IM SURE UR JACK!

Answer 8

If Jack is such a good guy than it is probably a good thing sara wants to leave. She doesn't deserve him. Let her hit rock bottom, let her be without someone answering to her every whim, maybe she'll grow up and Jack will find someone more deserving of his love that can give him the same in return. It sounds like he deserves at least that much. I hope you were thinking of him in all this, maybe the kids and sara would be happy if they stayed together, but doesn't a guy like that deserve better in life? I think so.

Answer 9

Jack really needs to get out of the marriage and take the kids with him, If she doesn't love him and doesn't want to be with him for who he is that is her lose. He can find someone that will love him for him, If Sara is a drunk then he really does need to get out, Something else it sounds like she didn't get to live her teen years and that's what she is doing now. But she has to be the to realize she has to grow up and take responsibility for own actions no one else can do that for her.But I do know a couple of things 1.) those kids do not need to be around that. 2.) They also don't need to see her like that because it will effect them in the long run. and 3.) Those kids need to be with the one that will take care of them and the only person I see fit is Jack at least he has took the responsibility to see they are taken care of and any judge that can't see that is wrong, He does need to go ahead and file for divorce and when he does he needs to file for cusady. It might break your heart to see this happing but it is for the best. Jack doesn't need to stay in a relationship with someone that does not love him or respect him in any way. He deserves a lot better if you ask me. I think he needs to take her and drop her off at rehab place and leave her there until she is clean from everything. Just my opion.

Answer 10

Well first of all it sounds like sara does not deserve jack and jack is better off without sara, but he should get the kids. it's the logical choice. the kids are better off with jack. unfortunately you are not the one to decide that, all you have to do, is be there for the kids and try to help jack out as much as you can because for the next few months, he is going to need your help and support. hope that helps.

Answer 11

Well could be that "Jack" is putting on a show for all to see making him look good in front of the family, There are possible things that are going on behind the scenes that you do not know about. It could be that "jack" hurt her and she can not recover, the reason that she is drinking and going out while he stays at home. Sort of a payback.

Divorce is extremely hard on children because they will grow up thinking that it was their fault, and undergo years of counseling and medication when in fact they had nothing to do about that. Sad and something that I have lived with everyday for the last 6 years. The reason that it is hard on them is because it takes the only thing of security that they know of, and shatters it. Years of trying to rebuild and put pieces back together fail. It will set them back in school, perhaps years of trying to regroup.

In this situation it will take Sara and jack to realize this and seek help. Because remember you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him/her drink it.