Okay here's my story. Married my university sweetheart right after graduation, we both got good jobs, we were married 8 1/2 years, no kids, we got divorced because basically we were fighting all the time, did not get along anymore, your typical irreconcilable differences type thing. We were apart for two years then met each other through a mututal friend who remained a friend to us both. Awkward at first but we reconnected through email and in person after that. We talked a bit and decided to go out as friends to try to salvage something. One thing led to another (not going to bore you) and we ended up in bed. It was amazing, the best sex I'd had since we split up. She said the same. We have seen each other a few times since then and she recently asked if I want to move back in "trial basis"...I NEED ADVICE. I think I am still in love with her. I suspect she still loves me... NOT SURE. I feel like a man walking though a mine field. We have so much baggage. Can this work or...??? Help.
2006-07-03 17:55:50 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you still have those feelings for her, then I'd say yes, you still love her. I think that you owe it to yourself to give it another try. There could be a reason why you both stayed single this long. Just remember the mistakes that you made in the past, and try not to repeat them. I am not sure if moving in already is a good idea though. Maybe you should take it slow, and date awhile first. I hope that all goes well for you two. Best of luck!
2006-07-03 18:02:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanne 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Old relationships are like old tax returns. Once you're done you're done. You keep them in a drawer for an audit, but that's about that.
Look you're lonely...she's lonely and you guys got together for a walk down "memory lane" for a night or two. It was great sex because it was a friendly known entity. Being single isn't always fun and the thought of the good old days is alluring, but as sure as God made little green a pples the new will wear off and the two of will soon be at odds. It's sad but true. If you have no children break it off clean loose the sad sad past and look forward to a new beginning.
I have been reading a book and you should check out the website/ I can answer some of the questions you might have better than I can
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-07-03 18:34:31 · answer #2 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There're plenty of people who get together on/ off. Not that I'm an expert, lol. But it does sound like the both of you genuinely feel for each other. So, why not?
It could be that the both of you are at a different place in your lives, have matured & are more self-assured. All common during life after divorce.
For couples falling out of marriage could simply be they were sucked into the whole, "ever after" theory & got disillusioned. I do agree with your ex to go through a "trial basis." Who cares about baggage? It's not like you had a dozen kids together! Just take it a step at a time. Enjoy the moment & time as it is. Wait & see how it all goes...
2006-07-03 18:05:29 · answer #3 · answered by ViRg() 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the trial basis out of it, first of all. Continue dating as you are just don't move in yet see where things go from there, if you two truly love one another then i would go to counseling and talk freely about the reasons of your split because they will always be there and probably will be brought up again. Give it a try if you both really want to share your lives bad or good together, if not leave now while things are still good and just be friends. I wish you two the best of luck.
2006-07-03 18:05:00 · answer #4 · answered by angel_64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well from the sounds of it, there were no affairs or any real trust issue's during the marriage. More like a personality conflict, argueing all the time. Being together for 8 and 1/2 years, I think you still loving her is perfectly normal, despite problems. I also think if you both can let go of rough times, there is a good chance of things working out. Just take it slow and enjoy the ride, see where it goes.
Good luck.
2006-07-03 18:02:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't anything that is impossible and I've heard of people remarrying and making it work the second time, but also those that tried and failed a second time.
Sex might be good because you are familiar with each other ... you know from past experience what the other likes and what makes them tick. The key should be sex it should be how much of the past will be there haunting you in your future.
If you both can let go of all that stuff then I think you stand a chance to make it work. But if either of you can't then I'm afraid you will be in for another round of heartache.
Best of luck to you in whatever you choose to do.
2006-07-03 18:04:55 · answer #6 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever hear the saying "it takes two to tango?" Well, if you want it to work out, basically it will take both of you trying to make it work. That means both of you making compromises, both of you talking especially if something is bothering you then both partners need to talk about it in a calm, rational and adult like manner (none of this fighting & scream garbage).
What I'm trying to say is, it can work but both of you have got to want it, both of you have to work at it, it can't be all one sided. Maybe the two of you should actually just sit down and discuss where you think things went wrong, what the two of you can do to prevent the same thing from happening again, etc. I wouldn't rush into moving back in just because you had great sex, I'd start out with the whole dating thing again. But like I said, you both need to really talk things out, really talk this time instead of fighting. See where it leads you.
Good luck & I hope it all works out for you!
2006-07-03 18:05:26 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Me-Just Me♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never say never. I would insist on counseling. If not for both of you, for yourself. You need to be sure you are making good, sound decisions and not acting in the heat of the moment. Sex is not everything and, even you said, there were a lot of differences in the past. If you go to counseling you will at least have the opportunity to air the "baggage" to see if the problems are still "irreconcilable".
2006-07-03 18:01:07 · answer #8 · answered by daddysnurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck, first of all, all things are possible to those who believe. Secondly, before you decide to take the "second" big step, the two of you need to sit down over coffee or dinner and seriously discuss what went wrong in the marriage the first time. You probably wanted to change her, she probably wanted to change you. The fact of the matter is that each of you need to change self. Whatever quirks she has, please accept them. If she's 25% perfect, take it and ask God to work on the other 75%. Marriage is not so much finding the right person, but being the right person. You still love her, man! Stop thinking and take action!
2006-07-03 18:04:02 · answer #9 · answered by Ann's Husband 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mitr says... where there is a will there is a way...
you can make things work out buddy.... if its just sex which is bringing you together, then i guess you remain as friends itself and have sex... nto an issue... and nothing worng in it... you were her husband..... the only thing is that if she sleeps with someone else, you are not able to control her...
you have a lot more to understand each other..... you have been together for 8.5 yrs but you have to still understand that marriage is all about giving a comfortable feeling to other person... giving a secure feeling to other person...
you have to compromise in various aspects... when she gets angry , you shouldn't do the same... doesn't matter how angry you are... just don't show it then and there... let her calm down and then explain her the issue... she will understand... you have to deal this relationship intelligently and not just being aggresive.... it wont lead you anywhere........
2006-07-03 18:01:33 · answer #10 · answered by mitr_hamesha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋