having a tough time with 12 year old daughter?

Question

my daughter is 12 and does not want to listen and shows not alot of respect, she is restricted to our house for a month as she has done several things against what I have told her and has made some bad choices she talks back and has broken her restriction rules 3 times leaving the house while I am at work and having friends over some that are not good to be around I love her very much I try to talk to her and she says she doesnt care that she and that I need to stay out of her social life I told her no I will not is any other parent going tru this with their 12-13 year old? Thanks

Answer 1

Im not a parent but I remeber when I went threw that. Its really hard at that point in a girls life, shes starting to be exposed to guys, drugs, peer pressure, and soo much family pressure. You need to let her know that you respect who she is but just not the choices she makes. I remeber a lot of my problem was not fitting in and not feeling good enough. So not letting her exclude herself will probably help her out too.

Answer 2

I have raised a step-daughter, a foster daughter and now a 14 year old boy. I would take a houseful of boys over a girl any day. Girls have too many hormones raging. I know, I was one. You have to be firm and consistent with your expectations. You can't choose her friends but you can control how she spends her time. If you are in a situation where you are leaving her alone a lot, you need to find a way to change that. If you can't be home, she needs to be with someone to enforce your rules. The respect part is also part of growing up but that does not mean you have to allow her to disrespect you. She can learn how to disagree without being disrespectful. If you make up the rules and consequences and she knows them and then you consistently follow through, things should get better in a couple of years.

Answer 3

You need to help her understand that although she may feel she has a right to her own life, she is only 12 and until the time she is 18 she has no right to her own life because your job as a parent is to guide her to teach her to make good decisions. It seems to me that she does not respect the fact that you gave her life and she feels as though you owe her something. You should take a stand against this and help her remember that YOU are the parent, SHE is the child and that in your house she must live by YOUR rules. You should also see what kind of people she is hanging around that would influence her to behave this way.

Answer 4

No, I don't have a 12 year old child but I used to be one not too long ago. I too tried hard to exert my independence at times and was difficult to deal with. But let me tell you, that once I got older I ended up in some situations that I wish that I hadn't. And one thing that I regretted the most was that I took the road that I did and not listened to others as I was growing up. Fortunately, nothing permanent happened, but I did go through some horrifying situations.

And do you know from what it all stemmed from...

I was bored--that's it, just bored. I thought that I needed others around me to feel good about myself. I even went as far as to put the one person out of my life that would help me no matter what (which was my mom). I had to go back and repair that relationship and now she (and even then) helps me.

I think that you need to introduce her to another (better) way of life by changing her surroundings. You have to be very careful when doing this so she doesn't find out what you are doing and try to administer a preconceived idea about the situation. Start taking her to church and make it mandatory that she goes (preferably one with a good youth group). When she gets there she will be surprised how fun it is and want to join. Now of course, this will not take place over night, but is a strong possibility.

Furthermore, it doesn't seem like her friends are the type that you want to be around her. If this is the case, take her out of that element and introduce her to something different as I suggested above.

Another thing that I would suggest to you is that you go to church also and stand your ground and let your daughter know what you will put up with and what you won't. If she wavers from your guidelines in anyway let her know what will happen and follow through.

And lastly, take a breath-- don't get caught up in the moment no matter how bad the situation may be. Just pray and breathe and you will be fine. She is just trying to be grown up before her time --all girls go through it. Let her know that she has to help you because you are all that each other has.

Feel free to let me know how it works out.

Answer 5

no matter what, she will be really mad at you for a looong time. She is at the age where mom just doesn't know, and maybe you don't know. At 13 they go through a lot. These are the hardest years. It just puberty. We get upset over a lot of things along with peer pressure. You have to do what you think is best for her. She has to learn and stay in that house so nothing goes wrong. Break her. Like a stallion. She obviously doesn't care what you say, so turn that tables around and listen to her, but give a lot of authority. So she knows what is going to go on unitl you can grow up and get through this thing. it'll get better.

Answer 6

God help you Dear!! I call it the "Too old for dolls and too young to date" stage. Their hormones are raging, they truly don't know what to do with themselves, they don't know who they are, or who they want to be. They automatically "hate" their parents and never want to be seen with them. They will do anything and everything they're not supposed to do if they can get away with it. So, stand your ground, you are the parent. I never cared what every other kid in town was doing, that didn't mean my child was going to join the "jump of the bridge team"!!

I went through this with my daughter and have seen many other parents go through this over the years. Perhaps you need to get a sitter to watch her while you are at work. If you must, hire and older woman to come in after school to keep her in line. She may need someone to come home to after school or someone to be with while school is out this summer. If she likes the person you hire, perhaps she would develop an interest in cooking, sewing, knitting, walking, biking, or another valid activity that the person you hired has an interest in. It could make a world of difference. Sometimes having an older person around makes them respect others as well as their parents.

She truly needs to do some volunteering at a food shelter, work with animals in a shelter, or have some good after school or summer activities. Keep her busy as a bee with things she enjoys doing, let her choose what she wants to do. If she starts a new project, make her stick with it, unless she gives you an excellent reason not to. I wish you luck!!

Answer 7

Okay maybe you would want this from a 12 year olds view. I always get my parents mad at me. All I do is go out with my friends, and once I tried smoking and I did not like it and my parents ALWAYS pressure me into trying new things. Oh, and I tried cutting. So now I go to a therapist. But, if you yell at your daughter shes just gonna keep doing' what shes been doing. I mean I have really bad friends, so, don't get mad at her from the people she hangs out with.

Answer 8

I have a 12 year old step daughter and I had some of those problems. Part of that is harmones, She,s at that age where she thinks she knows it all. You can do something about those friends that you dont want at your house. But you can,t pick her friends for her. If all else fails, Move to a different area.

Answer 9

I am 13 years old. I am sometimes disrespectfull towards my parent. And sometimes I wish they would stay out of my life, but it is not right for me or your daighter to act that way. I got my act together because my mom threatened to make me go to boot camp. She had the papers and everything. So yeah... maybe you should try that. And trying being nicer to her. Dont say no to everything. And if there is something that she really wants to do then let her. Because you might not care about it but she might. As long as it is nothing harming anyone.

Answer 10

I think that your daughter is disbobeying your rules because she feels the need to get your attention.Perhaps because you may have other children and she feels as if they are getting more attention than she is.Or your daughter feels alone majority of the time at work which is why she does the things she do to maybe force you to change your shift.If you have any other questions email me at [e-mail],thank yoyu very much.