Please Help! Should I leave him?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 3 years this October and have a beautiful 22 month old baby girl. Problem is, I can't stand him anymore! I can't trust him to take care of the baby ( he leaves her alone in her highchair for long periods of time, forgets to change her, and ignores her to play on the computer) although he makes sure she's alive and reasonably happy at least. He works nights and sleeps all day, I tried to have a job, but couldn't work without worrying over the baby and having the house get all nasty, he only helps around the house when I nag him, only showers when I nag him, the sex is awful ( under 15 minutes with foreplay) I feel guilty for leaving him b/c he says he loves and will do anything for me, but his actions say other wise. Should I leave him? He doesn't hit us or cheat or anything, but he creeps me out and make me feel guilty and mad. PLEASE HELP!

I have sat him down on several occasions to talk ( not nag) to him, explain why I am unhappy, and he promises to do better, but doesn't. Honestly, it's been a stuggle since the beginnning this way. We have not tried counselling, but are very poor and don't go to church....

to hoyhoydc, I did go to your suggested site, and read the " Chaper 1". I can understand where you are coming from and know some very poisionous women as you described. I have sought and am currently in counseling ( paid for by my mom). I would suggest, however that you don't attack people so viciously when you don't know the whole situation. Some merit it, some don't, but leaving hurtful answers here ( or anywhere) doesn't truly help or change anyone or make you a better person in the long run. Good luck to you.

Answer 1

I am want to tell you something that is truely from my heart, leave him, whatever it takes, whatever you have to do. I married when I was barely 17, and when I was reading your question It sounded like something that I would have writen years ago. I was married for 19 years and finally left. I only wish that I had done it a long time ago, like when I first realized that I had made a big mistake when I married this person. My problem was that I had grew up with a very abusive woman that had beat and cursed, and degraded me every since I could remember and he knew this. And yes I know how you feel when the thought of him touching you makes you want to just throw-up. He doesn't take care of himself, sex to him is something that he deserves not something that is special. He never does anything that you make clear is important to you, it is like you are talking to a door knob. If you try to talk he LOVES you and wants things to work, he will change, maybe he does for a week, maybe a little longer and then he is right back where he was. Well I am here to tell you men like that don't change. When I left and after a while I met someone, let me tell you not all men treat you like you are nothing, my guy is so kind, and if it is important to me it is important to him. He runs my bath, rubs my neck, he doesn't come home and sit in front of the tv like I am not there. He holds me, and while I am cooking he is talking to me, and if I tell him something I know that he is listening. And the sex, oh my, he runs his hand all over my and he is in no hurry, and when we are through he wants to hold me. The only regret is that I stayed in a marriage that I hated so long. It was so many years that were wasted. And I will tell you, if he loved you he would not treat you like he does, and if he says anything when you tell him that you are leaving just tell him you say that you love me but your actions speak alot louder than the bull Sh-t that is coming out your mouth. And remember something, life can sometimes be scary, but I would pit scary over lonely anyday. I wish you well.

Answer 2

What is your major malfunction? You have a man who doesn't cheat, doesn't hit and works so you can be a Mommy. Now you want to leave him and you're asking the internet for a blessing to do so?

Did this happem all of a sudden? For three yrears you were with this guy and thought he was okay. Okay enough to bang for a baby. Now all of a sudden you can't stand him anymore? So you're gonna take his child away from him, make him pay 20% of his net income for a long arss time so you can go out on the market and find a new fella.

I think that you have the issues....not him! Yes he's not a Mommy, he's a Daddy and he won't really come into play until your child is about three or four. Now you're on the forefront of that child's life. Your actions from this point on will affect that child's life.

Sex? You should have stayed single and had "one night stands". If you're not enough woman to hold his attention for longer than 15 minutes then that's your problem. It sounds like you want to be entertained is all.

I know you won't take this to heart. You're gonna do what you already have in mind. Get a divorce, make your child's Daddy estranged to his child and oh by the way ruin his financial future. I have been reading a book about women like you. You're a "pathological woman" aka. a "never truley happy woman". He could bring you the moon from the sky and you would still find something wrong with it.

MAybe you should leave him so he can find someone who will appreciate him. Your destiny will be to hop from man to man in the vein hope of happiness. It will always be "their fault" not yours.

Check out the website for this book. It tallks all about you if you have the guts to do it.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

You're a mess lady. You have a life ahead of you of constant unhappiness. And in your pursuit of happiness you will leave a wake of many men who have heard your "siren's call to the rocks". Your evil without even trying or knowing.

If any of this touches you ( and I sincerely doubt it) you will seek counseling for yourself to try and bee a better human.

Answer 3

Divorce is not the answer. It will not make your life easier or your childs life. I don't understand why Americans are so easy to flip the divorce card over. There are always going to be new problems in a new marriage that you never had to deal with before.

Some of these probelms could be a child, money, different habits, or not enough space. I don't like that everybody is so easy to give up. Where is your American spirit? Would our American fathers thrown in the towel for our independence? or WWII? I don't think so.

If anything you should see a marriage counselor and straighten your situation out. Make sure the person is neutral though and doesn't take sides.

Answer 4

sounds like you really didnt know him when you got married....I mean was the sex the same during the courtship, or did he just decide to change after..b/c if it is the same then you shouldn't expect the man to change and it should of been addressed..but either way..sounds like he is not ready for fatherhood..and the well-being of the child when he is watching her is the most important part of the question, raisng a good healthy child takes both parents to teach and care for teh child on the same page, if she gets attention from u and none from him she will grow up confused and many things will be hard to teach her..like potty training, leaving her in a dirty diaper will only make it harder to train her, b/c she wont undertsand that it is wrong to sit in it. I dont know if I really answerd the question but then again only you can..no one else cand ecide this type of thing for you.

Answer 5

Based on what you have said, it appears you don't love him anymore. If you don't think that will change, you need to end it. It will be easier on the baby if you do it now rather than later when she really understands what is going on. It's also better for you and for him. Being in an un-loving relationship is not good. Life is way too short to spend it with someone you can't stand.

Answer 6

you sound unhappy, your hubby sounds lazy have you talked to him about this ? if you have then I'm guessing nothing come of you conversation with him
your baby girl should be your main priority and if you believe he is unsuitable and not responsible enough to raise a child then leave him and start a better life where you know what to expect
the foreplay 15 minutes you say that is uncalled for you should be able to enjoy yourself to i don't think this would be acceptable by any ones standards

everyone needs help, everyone needs care, everyone needs to feel love and everyone needs to enjoy themselves

if you don't feel any of the above i would leave before it gets any harder no one should blame you and if there is remember allot will understand

good luck i hope you find what your looking for latter on in life

Answer 7

There are a lot of counseling options out there. Exhaust all other options before you disrupt 3 lives. and make a decision you can't reverse.If the guy truly loves you he'll do whatever it takes too make the 2 of you happy

Answer 8

you should talk to him. Let him know that his words do not match his actions. If you are not happy in your relationship you should also consider professional help. He sounds kind of depressed, by not engaging people. He works nights, there is a condition called shift worker sleep disorder in which he not be getting the proper quality of sleep, which also contributes to your difficulties. I think all theses are starting points for you and him to investigate together to solve your woes.

Answer 9

Work it out....think about the baby...do you really want to raise her w/o a father figure?...secondly, you married him for a reason....marriage is just an advanced relationship..you kno how the first year or two are the hardest...same applies here....have you tried seriously sitting down with him and expressing your feelings...if not you should try that....

Answer 10

ey! you guys have a new baby! and it think it a phase! don't give up girl! Do understand he works night shift and thats a big factor on any person! And with the baby thing- he's just really being a man. Lucky i'm married to a safety officer- he thinks i'm careless! haha.

you guys are okey. you're just stressed. Just do show him that you're mad at him for being careless with the baby.