This is for women only just a survey?

Question

How many women have actually forgiven their husbands for their cheating, lying, etc., and have gotten their marriage back on track? I have seen my separated husband attending church and trying to turn his life around, doing much more for our son, and wanting to spend time and be a family man, not saying that my GUARD is down, because it is not. Just wanted to see if it is possible, I can't tell right now, and just taking my thoughts one day at a time.

Answer 1

Hmmm, I have taken back a cheating boyfriend, but the relationship was never the same. I just couldn't trust him and frankly I lost all respect for the guy. I understand you're married so you have more invested in the relationship. I would test him - set him up & see if he takes the bait. I know this is not honest, but maybe it's the only way you'll know if he's changed.

Answer 2

It sounds good. Often a man will get himself shaped up once he sees he's lost something he valued.

It can work for you but only if you both go to a Marriage Counselor so you can openly discuss how you feel and what you want without anyone arguing or crying. A mediator knows how to direct this kind of interaction and it can clear the air and close the door on the hurt of the past.

There are never any guarantees but it sounds worth a try.
I've been legally separated for the past 11 years and have seen great changes in my husband as well. The only thing that prevents me from reuniting is that my love for him has disappeared even though I still care about him as a human being and the father of my child.

Without the feelings of love, it would be too cold of a life for me.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

My husband cheated on me two years ago, but things were going wrong in our marriage about 3 years before that happened. I'm not taking the blame for his lack of judgement, but then again I was no girl scout when it came to "us".

I read a book last summer and I highly suggest it; Codependent No More. It helped me realize what I was personally doing to sabotage all of my relationships. My divorce was not finalized at the time and for some strange reason he was willing to sit and listen and discuss with me what we were missing/had lost in our relationship.

I have forgiven him. The hurt is still too recent to forget, though. I don't know if that'll ever change, but it'll fix itself. I think the person that has had the hardest time forgiving is my husband (forgiving himself). He battles with what he did quite a bit.

I do believe that if your marriage is in trouble, the two of you should try to repair it through every avenue possible. If you've exhausted every way that you can think of and things are still not working, THEN it's time to make the big decision to cut bait.

Honestly, we aren't the same two people that started this life together. We went to counseling and visit it every once in awhile.

I'd say that we're "back on track", but using a different mode of transportation. Good luck to you and your son. You need to choose what will be the best for the two of you!

Answer 4

it seems like it can go any direction you push it in, it just depends how much you and him are willing to give. i think that if you really want it you should try again. Maybe he has realized the mistake he has made and will be true, maybe not, either way YOU have to decide to take that chance or not. Either way you could be faced with the what if's later on. I think you should follow your heart, but always be careful.My x left me and has slept with someone else, he says the cant come back because of the mistake he has made, he thinks I can never truly forgive him, I have forgave him, but I guess he thinks I will always hold it against him. I will never forget what he has done, but I cant ever hold it against him or no matter how much I want it, he will never feel comfortable again. So even though you'll never forget what he has done, the forgiveness has to be true, or he will sense it and it will be uncomfortable for both of you.You both have to agree to completely start over with a clean slate, if you BOTH really want it I really believe it can work. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 5

You know I am going through the same thing as you right now. My husband Has cheated and acted like a fool for the last couple months now he says he has seen what a fool he is and that it was all a mistake, that he loves my daughter and I. Do I believe him, I don't know. Can We make it work? I don't know. But I told him to give me time. To help me mend my broken heart. I guess I'm thinking if he can do those things then maybe we can make it work. I'm not sure it will. So I guess that's my advise to you. I think you should pray about it. Trust God.

Answer 6

Well I never have forgiven my soon to be ex husband and it's been 3 yrs. I have days I look at him and can say I love him and days I know I hate him for it. I guess what I am trying to say is if you think you can totally get over it and put it in the past and work towards the future then yea shoot for it again. But you have to still love him and be willing to totally put this past part of your marrige behind you. My husband did it 5 times so I guess you can say if he does it a second don't ever ever let him back in. My best wishes to you...ag

Answer 7

I am going to answer this without reading any other responses because I'm sure you are going to get a "full spectrum" of advice.

Yes, I have actually forgvien my husband for many things and YES we have gotten our marriage back on track and it is better now than it ever was. We have been married for 10 years. He never actually "cheated" as far as I know....but we dealt with issues of drinking, gambling, smoking pot and (the biggest issue and the most difficult one for him to STOP) pornography.

He was a new Christian when we married and it was a rough start...actually it was a rough first 5 years or so. I left with our 1yo and our newborn at for awhile and came home when he finally agreed to counseling. Counseling helped, but to be honest, it was God that got us through. For about 2 years he felt like he had to prove himself to me....and to be fair.....I guess I probably made him feel that way. I was so used to being lied to about everything that honesty was something that I had to SEE to BELIEVE when it came from him. I had to forgive him over and over in my mind and in my heart. The more I did this, the easier it was to believe in him. While I was dealing with my issues on trust, he was continueing counseling with some really good Christian guys that became friends that he remains accountable to, to this day.

Our marriage is better now in EVERY way than it has ever been . I can honestly say I completely trust him. He hasn't let me down in years. Letting my guard down didn't happen over night. He had to understand that. But little by little I became more open and the more open I became with him the better of a husband he wanted to be for me. And the better of a husband he became for me the more I let my guard down. Until finally we were "back on track"....in fact we were on a NEW track...a better track. So, YES, you CAN work things out TOGETHER! It IS possible.

Answer 8

Was the incident a one time thing or was it habitual?
If it was habitual behavior and he wasn't feeling guilty about it til he got caught, I'd be very wary of his attempts to regain your favor now.

My ex falls under habitual cheater, he tried to show me he was a better person after I filed for divorce but it was short lived and I'm glad that I didn't take him back just because he was "acting" like the man I wanted him to be in the first place.

You know your husband and whats in your heart. If you think you'd like to try and make it work, start going to marriage counseling with him or without him. Even if you go alone, sometimes talking to a professional about whats going on will help you to sort thru your feelings.

Answer 9

You can chose to forgive their is nothing wrong with that,some of us cant,but if you can that's a great thing,we are suppose to but remember this you can forgive but you don't have to ever forget!Your husband may of maid a mistake it happens mine did 2 .And i was hurt and angry and it took me a long time to trust him again but i did and with his help i learned to forgive and i went on.He never made me wonder or question him he understood how i felt so he always told me where he was going and he was always honest with me and believe me i checked on him alot and every time i did he was telling the truth,he understood and gave me my time to get over it.Believe me we sat down after he done what he done and talked cried bawled and scrawled and asked why did he even do this,and we sought counseling and we got over it,so one mistake shame on you 2 shame on me you know the rest so we are all not perfect and we make mistakes if you love your husband and he still loves you and wants to work thru it then go for it .One affair shouldn't be enough grounds to just walk out on someone you love it hurts and you get angry and you wonder why why why but hold on to your marriage and try again!!Good luck honey give it some time the hurt will ease ..

Answer 10

Truthfully it still hurts some times, even after several years. But I'm glad we worked things out. It sounds stupid but our marriage is better than it was before, it's like we both woke up. It helped to talk openly with him whenever I needed to. It also helps to remember that you're human too and can make the same mistake.