Im 41, single with no companionship. Where do I start?

Question

I am a registered nurse, and have a 20 year old still at home. He works and pretty much is gone a lot. I am tall and have been dieting 50 lbs on and off for the last 10 years. Should I put my name on the internet, or should I just wait it out and see what comes my way?
I am curious as to whats out there. Been divorced since 1990.

I love older men. I dated a guy who was 62 when I was 27, and he died from cancer. I probably would have married him, but I thought he and I would create a family crisis. I had a hard time after his death.

I am in Illinois. We farm here in this part of the country. Corn will be over my head tommorrow. Plan is to enroll in the University of Illinois in the fall for a degree in health care administration.

Answer 1

not here

Answer 2

Hi there! Great that you're asking the question! First, I suggest asking yourself the question "Would I want to date me?" and then answer yourself HONESTLY. Then begin to fix the things that you don't like about yourself. Not an easy process, but do it anyway. Read books by Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura. The happier you are with yourself, the more confident you'll be and the more attractive people will find you. But you have to do it for YOURSELF. No change will last if it is done for someone else. When I was single and looking for a man, I was lonely. But when I realized I didn't need a man to make my life complete or happy, started taking better care of myself, and just enjoyed being me, doing the things I like to do, then I had lots of dates. Also, come to terms with the weight issue. Either lose it or decide that it is not going to be an issue. Your goal should be to feel and be as healthy as possible. When a person is happy, confident and well put together people want to be with him/her, the weight is less of an issue.

Once you have started this first part, then I would look at joining as many activities as possible. Church, singles groups, outdoor clubs, knitting groups, walking groups, whatever you're into...join a group for it. The goal is not necessarily to find single people to date, but to find people to spend time with doing things that you like to do. Maybe you'll make some new friends or maybe you might date someone. The goal is just to get out there, start enjoying yourself around other people. Plus, you never know who might introduce you to some new, great friend or person to date. Get busy doing fun activities and be happy, if you meet a love interest -great - if not, that is fine too.

How do you feel about your son living with you? You mentioned it, so I'm guessing it might be an issue. In my opinion, a 20 year old is old enough to live on his own. Is he paying you rent, helping with utilities, food, etc? You should decide if you want to start your "new life" w/ him around. Talk to a counselor if you have unresolved issues with your son or don't know how to handle the live-in situation with him. Decide if that situation is something you want to keep or change.

Be smart about dating. Don't give out your address/number right away, date in public places, don't have unprotected sex, be careful and use common sense. You can do the internet thing too, if you want, but I tend to think real-life in-person is better.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Hey, 41 and still young. Don't worry about finding someone...do what you enjoy. Your 20 year old is grown up, so start doing things for yourself. Start slow...join classes that you have always wanted to or start an entirely new hobbie. There's someone out there for you, you just haven't found them yet. If you just enjoy life, something good will come your way. Don't worry too much. Things happen for a reason, even if things aren't always good. If you ever need someone to talk to, email me. I may not have an answer for you, but I'm a good listener. Take care.

Answer 4

I am a 49 year old single dad, and have been alone for 11 years. I stayed single (my wife got sick) all this time to be a better father to my son. He is 15 now, and becoming an independent young man. It's strange, it seems a few years ago, he didn't want to leave my side. I would love to chat with you for some laughs and to compare notes. I probably live a ways away from you (Vancouver BC Canada) let's give it a whirl as friends.

Answer 5

The first thing to do is get off the computer and find interesting activities outside of your home to do. The more interesting you are, the more interested others will be in you.

Answer 6

i would start by not throwing my name all over the web.i am not a "devout" roman catholic but i suggest you look into some church sponsored activities.safe is much better than sorry.i met my wife of 12 years through a friend of the church.good luck.

Answer 7

Start with online dating. Eventually you'll meet someone good - otherwise, just put yourself out there, how have you gone 16 years dateless?!

Answer 8

If you see someone you like, tell them. There is no easier way to meet other people than to introduce yourself, say what's on your mind let the chips fall where they may.

Answer 9

There are plenty of guys out there that would be interested in you. Just put yourself out there.. I guess you should be carefull though because there are alot of guys out there that are looking for a quick fix.

Answer 10

Novel idea, get off your butt, get out from behind the computer screen, get OUT and do stuff-if only to go to the bookstore...do it. Sitting on your duff is not gonna attract love.

Answer 11

first of all, you have get out and mingle to meet people. it's not going to just come your way otherwise. hello, it's been 16 years.....has it came yet?