falling in love with best friends husband?

Question

i' m married with 2 boys and i have fallen in love with best husband we have been very close friends for 2 years in the last 6 months l have fall in love with her husband i have been married for 13 years and they have been married for 11 years and have 2 boys we have told each other that we care about each other that is all we havn't had sex we havn't even kissed but the fellings are there what do i don't love my husband and he say he doesn't love her we stay in our marrages for the kids what do we do i really do love him and he say he love me HELP

Answer 1

My parents have been married for 32 years(I'm 19 btw) and feel out of love a long time ago. I am now married to an amazing guy whom I love with all my heart, and wish my parents would divorce so they can each find this love. They stayed together so long for the kids and then out of comfort. My dad has had two girlfriends in this marriage, never anything physical, just love and companionship but felt so guilty because of the family. Let me tell you, is you ask my siblings or me, we all would tell you we wished they would have divorced long ago. It is unfair to stay in a loveless marraige. For you, your husband, and your kids. You are doing the right thing by not doing anything right now, but look into divorce. It isn't scandelous, it is what is right for everyone to be happy. I have always told my husband if he has feelings for someone then tell me so we can end things in a healthy way instead of a messy way. I would rather know thatn be cheated on.

Answer 2

You are in love with an illusion. Fresh romance is always exciting and the two of you don't have to deal with any of "real" life issues because there isn't anything. You can feel the love now, because your feelings don't carry with them any of the realities or commitments of everyday life.

The real issues are at home with your spouses and your kids. It's the noise, the frustration when things aren't how you want and everything else.

Thus a forbidden, imaginary relationship seems well...so darn good!

But if you get together, what will you have?

You'll have two, likely ugly, divorces (and no best friend). You'll each have to figure out how to spend time with your kids and make enough money to live without your spouses. If your kids are old enough to understand what has happened, they will also be mightly furious with you.

And then, if your relationship really manages to survive the pain and hell that is divorce, what will you have then? Exactly what you have now - the noise, the frustration of daily living and everything else you already have with your husband. Plus you get to deal with pissed off exes when trying to cooperatively raise your kids!

In other words, you'd be going from the frying pan into the fire.

So yeah, its easy to feel that heat but I guarantee you it won't be worth the price.

Marriages take work and it can be hard to keep the shine alive. You need to each go back to your spouses and work on your respective marriages and steer clear of each other for a while.

Even if in the end, your respective marriages end through reasons unrelated to your unrequited passions, you will still have done the right thing by focusing your heart and energy where it belongs - at home with your family.

Sometimes marriages do have problems that can't be fixed; IF that is the case (and you do not say that is) then you need to resolve it first; then take time to pull yourself together, learn from past mistakes and begin to define what you do need BEFORE even considering starting something new.

Otherwise you'll just be moving onto to either a fling that will cost you big time, or your future ex-husband.

Oh..and the difference between lust and love - lust is selfish. You want what you want now, everyone else be damned. Love actually cares. If you really love each other, why would either of you want the other you claim to love to suffer the pain of a scandalous divorce?

When someone really loves you, the last thing they want to do is bring you pain.

Answer 3

Dear Misssexy, Most animals are not monogamous. A marriage contract like any other legal contract is designed so that each party gains something without detriment to the other. There are it seems, too many pressures from friends, family, age and drive to make love, that marriages can be rushed into. Nowadays, living with a partner and sharing responsibilities "so long as love lasts" is an open marriage. I see life as a preparation for my next life. I have never intentionally harmed any living being. However, it is easy to cause unhappiness to yourself and others. I've heard of couples getting married say "Well there is always divorce" which is rather shallow but can cause immense pain if there are children involved in the decision. If I were able to live my life over again, I would not marry, have children or work myself to death (almost) to support the family Open communications, with or without a disinterested third party, doctor etc. may save and open up your marriage or help identify why your heart is following its animal instincts. Have the four of you ever considered trying a polyamourous (pansexual) relationship. That lifestyle is fun and extremely nurturing and helps demonstrate the love that humans can have to one another.. I wish you a most happy life especially FOR YOU. Living (sacrifying) for others will become too heavy a burden . You are uniquely you and you are OK. I hope this helps. Hugs, jenni.

Answer 4

Look I don't know how you really feel for your friends husband and you might not either. The grass is always greener, and that could be what your feeling. Sorry to say but to stay together for the children can cause more damage. My parents did for a long time the hate, well you could almost be felt when they were in the same room. At one point my father tried to kill my mother and at 9 years old I got my jaw dislocated from stepping between them. My father turned into a very abusive person after that. If they had ended it before that point it might have been different. there are alot of things you can get over with the truth but don't use what you think you feel for someone as an excuse. Misery loves company could that be what you are both feeling?

Answer 5

I can understand how you feel. Your feelings for your friend's husband are heightened by convenience because you see this man so much.

Imagine if you left your husband and married this man. Do you really think that you wouldn't experience some of the same problems with this new man years down the line? Both you and he are in imperfect marriages. I have no doubt that you and this man you're attracted two both have your own issues. How can you be sure that you won't bring the same troubling issues into new relationships. The reality is that you probably will.

Relationships take work. So make a decision to work it out with your current hubby. You'll regret it if you don't.

Answer 6

I say definitely DON'T sneak around! Be honest with your husband. Don't stay in an unhealthy relationship and think you're doing the children a favor. However, know that you are risking the friendship that you have with your girlfriend as well. If this new relationship turns bad, your girl will NOT be there to comfort you. Which is more important to you? If you and your husband are having troubles I say get counseling and advice from couples that have been together for years and are still happy. Seek help to get things right with the man you married first.

Answer 7

Bad, bad, bad idea. What you both need to do is forget about each other. I'm sure that you are mature enough to realize that there is some choice in "falling in love""--it's not just something that happens to you, like a car wreck, without your willingness.

You probably are both suffering from delusions that "the grass is always greener on the other side". Each of you looks and sounds better to each other than your own spouses, but if you were with each other, you would soon learn that it's not all that great, or different. Every marriage has stresses and every partner has things that are annoying. Again, he just looks better than your own husband because you don't have to live with him.

You say you haven't kissed--please do not ever do that, and stoke the fires. Imagine the heartache you would be causing for your children if anything ever went anywhere with this. And what about your "best friend"? How can you still think of her as your best friend while you are lusting after her husband? Shame on you for that! Best friends know that best friends' husbands are off limits.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but I wanted to get your attention. This is just such a train wreck and disaster that you are on the brink of. I would hate to see you ruin your own life, let alone the lives of all these other people involved. It is not just the two of you, but a lot of people who would be crushed. For such selfish reasons.

I truly believe that if you think about this with honesty, and look deep in your heart, you can understand that this infatuation doesn't have to be anything. If we can convince ourselves to lose weight, stop drinking or smoking, get the house clean when we don't feel like it, then we sure as heck can also convince ourselves to let some silly, wistfull emotion pass away as easily as it came. Emotions do not rule us, we rule them. Think about that, and realize that however this ends up, it will be your doing, not something that just happened, out of your control.
God bless you and give you both wisdom and peace in your heart.

Answer 8

OK, my question to you, You say you are not in love with your husband right? Does he abuse you? controlling. hitting, verbal abuse?

Think about this for a minute. If you are truly not happy then you pack your **** and move out, you get divorced and you leave the other guy alone, he is not yours and you do not, DO NOT get divorced to rush into another relationship. Nor do you convince him to either.
And the mess that will be because you are all friends will mean more stress than you will be able to handle because she and your husband will always be in your life, connected through children.

You do that and he will pay for his kids child support and you will too because you are being selfish. Sorry but a judge gets wind you left for the best friends hubby, believe me their daddy will fight to keep them.

You are in love with an idea, a naughty thought that you want to play out and it will not work. You will feel more pain then you do now by not being "in-Love" with your husband.

If you want to leave your marriage then do so ALONE and take the time to get to know you and look for a another single guy later that you do love.
But if you were in-love before with your husband, either the trust has been broken or you aren't making it exciting or talking to your husband about your true feelings without hurtful comments or blame.

Answer 9

Wow, that's quite a predicament. I've never been in quite that situation, but i know what its like to love a close friends significant other. They weren't married and nor was I, but it was still hard. I'm only 18, but I know a thing or two about relationships, at least so I've been told after the help I give. Anyway, my point is this: I found that telling them how I felt only made things worse, as I expressed how I felt, my heart grew stronger. I'm still good friends with her, but I backed off. The problem is, everyone is different and must be treated differently. What worked for me, may not work for you. What I did was to let the space between us grow and try to think of other people. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

I don't want to sound mean....but It's not all about you!! Or Him!!

There are SIX other people to think about for crying out loud!! Not many people FEEL in love after 11 -13 years of marriage. But that is the true test of your committed love! It become an act of your will....you could skip off with this guy, and believe it or not in 11 years you won't feel in love with him either. Love is not a feeling...it is an act of your will to stand by your committments, sacrifice, and respect!!

Stay away from your best friends husband!! Wake up and look at the HUGE mistake you are both thinking about! Think about the other people...all of them hurt and deveastated. What if it doesn't work out like you are fantasizing about with him?? You hurt...no crushed SIX other people for nothing!!
And even if it did work out....you crushed SIX other people so the two of YOU could be happy! Thats wrong...you know it...and that is why you are here!!!

Go to counseling with your husband...and make your marriage work!! You won't regret that!!!